tldr: my bf asks me for money, and gets mad when I don’t send him any.
Me (f18) and my bf (m19) are both teens, we also both have jobs and go to college. We have been together for 6 months, and recently I’ve gotten a job that pays well. My bf asks me for money almost every other day, and gets irritated when I don’t want to send him any. I never ask him for anything monetary nor does he ever send or give me anything monetary, but I do feel bad and that maybe I’m being stingy when he gets upset with me for not sending it. I feel it is causing a strain on our relationship, he has blocked me and stopped talking to me more than once for not giving him the money. In my opinion, it should not be causing a problem, he makes his money I make mine. If we’re both making money, I don’t see why he feels the need to consistently ask for mine, and I would like to know some positive ways, if any, to resolve the conflict.
48 comments
The most positive approach I can think of is: Stop giving him any money at all. Clearly your being ready to give him money has been causing disharmony.
(perhaps he has a drug problem?)
Hi there! So, typically…I’m not the sort to give the whole, “run for the hills” spiel….but ohmygod please run for the hills. It’s NOT cool to block you for denying a request like that.
Does he ever explain why he needs the money?
He thinks he’s entitled to your money (asking your every other day?!) for some reason, and there’s just no way that ends well. Plus he’s mean to you about it. I’d end the conflict by breaking up.
Stop giving him money you work hard for. Are you insane?? There is 0 reason why you should be giving him anything. Please please don’t be a dormat. Block him and find someone who’s not manipulating you.
I had a boyfriend like this. A few actually. In my personal opinion a man should never ask a woman for money. I can understand if you are living together and it’s for bills or gas. But if you aren’t living together and if it’s not important he should just get a job. With my past relationships I just cut them off completely. Even when we were broken up they still expected money. But once I made it clear they aren’t getting money, they stopped trying to form a relationship.
I say run.. or just stand your ground. My response was “It’s not my job to take care of you. I’m responsible for myself and that’s all. You need a job if you need money, stop trying to take it from me. It’s my hard earned money. I clock in and work for it. NOT YOU.” Simple as that.
Ugh, this is a really bad situation because I can only see it getting worse from me. Honestly no adult should be asking you for money, and punishing you for not giving it. Run 🙁
Do you live together? Is this a long distance thing? If it is long distance he might not even be who he says he is. Don’t give him any money. It isn’t about whether or not you can afford it, it is about respect, and it doesn’t sound like he has any!!
Your bf has two problems that shouldn’t exist 2 months in. They would be dealbreakers for me
You’re young, so maybe you just don’t know this yet, but it’s not normal for a person 6 months into a relationship to ask their partner for money all the time. Most likely he is using you. You should reconsider what he is really contributing to your life and whether he is someone who adds value to it. He sounds like he could be really bad news
Personally I don’t know why you literally pay him to treat you like garbage. 6 months is a trial period honey and he’s failing. You want this for 60 years? What else does he get angry and childish about? What other things will he not want to hear “no” to? He doesn’t respect you and never will.
Early stages of financial abuse. Run away.
This is not ok. It makes me think he is addicted to something and is lying about why he wants money, or he is a tiny child and thinks you are his mommy.
Girl, R.U.N. Fast. Do not stop, do not look back. Go now.
Wow… yea, he’s a spoiled brat and using you as his sugar momma. He actually blocks you?!? That’s not a BF, that’s a bratty little brother.
You’re dating a man baby. Not someone you want to be stuck with in the long run.
You have no obligation to give him money. Quit doing that. 52, never in my life have I given money to friends, family, girlfriends and they have never asked me. He has a family. That’s their job to help him.
Don’t give him money at all. He seems like an entitled AH that thinks that he could use other people to get what he wants. I used to feel bad for my exs when they didn’t have enough money to afford something, but it got worse and they started asking for more and more ridiculous amounts of money. You are his partner, NOT his mother. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but if he acts like a child and blocks you everytime you say no. That’s already a red flag..and you should run for the hills and cease all contact with him.
You are being used as an ATM. You say NO and he uses it as a reason to treat you badly. How is that ok?
No no no no no.
Keep your money separate now and always. If he can’t afford his games (drugs) on his own, then he’s out of luck.
He’s not entitled to your money so he can buy PS4 games. Are you dating a man, or a child?
Your boyfriend is a douche and is using you at this point. Blocking you for not giving him money for a game is next level entitlement. RUN
He sees you as an ATM, not a girlfriend.
The best way to resolve this is to dump your immature, mooch boyfriend.
Are you his mom? He throws tantrums like a child when he doesn’t get his way? These are the type of signs you need to pay attention to. You don’t need to try and find a solution for everything. Sometimes it can be pretty clear right at the beginning of a relationship whether it’s worth continuing or not.
>My bf asks me for money almost every other day, and gets irritated when I don’t want to send him any.
You have a right to say no and this is not normal behavior. Sounds like he’s either openly taking advantage of you or he has some addiction (Gambling, drugs, whatever you name it).
When he’s trying to rip you off at the age of 19, I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. There’s no reason why you need to stay when you are just 18.
I was in this situation myself. He worked but spent all his money on stupid crap, expected me to pay all the bills and rent. It’s stressful and you should not be put in this position. Cut the cord and let him go. Working and college is already a lot to deal with, you don’t need someone like him making things worse.
Yet another bf who needs to be an ex-bf. Honestly, as a guy, guys like that embarrass me.
There are so many ways a bf can be unsatisfactory — you could be writing “My bf never takes me anywhere but Taco Bell when they’re doing 2 for 1 specials,” or “My bf is a lousy tipper,” or “My bf wants me to pay for condoms.” Those are all bad enough. But “My bf hits me up for cash”? That’s a new low. He’s an embarrassment to men everywhere.
I saw a comment where you said your boyfriend loves buying unnecessary stuff on a whim, and I have a similar “hobby.” I can go to the store for sunscreen, only to walk out with a bag full of bargains, makeup, skincare and no sunscreen.
Half a year back, my boyfriend and I started living together. I didn’t have a job at the time, and he wanted to take care of my financial needs as much as he could. Aside from basic necessities like food and hygiene products, I didn’t ask for more.
The moment I spend another person’s money is the moment I restrict myself from buying things I don’t need. It’s a matter of respect, and the way people spend money that isn’t theirs is also very telling of their character. What it says about your boyfriend is that he expects you to give more than you have to. He doesn’t respect the time you gave up to earn the money, and he doesn’t respect your monetary autonomy.
If he shows you who he is, believe him.
Six months? It’s time to call it quits on this one. “Yeahhh, this isn’t working for me. It’s not the kind of relationship I want. You seem to have a fundamental lack of respect for me, outside of what you can get from me. So we’re done here. But I wish you all the best.”
He’s entitled, demanding, pouty, and retaliatory when he doesn’t get his way–ie., he throws a tantrum.
You know you never give in to a toddler who is throwing a tantrum, right? All they learn is that throwing a fit gets them what they want, and guarantees they’ll repeat the behavior. Same principle applies to this boy-child. Please don’t tolerate his using ways.
maybe money isn’t the problem
The only way to fix this….break up
Tell him no. It’s that simple.
Girl….this started for me at your age….I just tried to show I cared by being generous, and eventually, you can get bitter when it’s one-sided, and then it continued in other relationships the same pattern. Please break the pattern now. Know your worth. You deserve to be cherished.
As you get older you will learn to ‘count the red flags’ and this guy will be a MAJOR RED FLAG….. Get away from this low rent, bastard. Now! Run!
So first off, I am a heterosexual male. Second, I love video games. Third, I would never ever ask my significant other to ever buy me or send me money to purchase a video game. Under no circumstances should you ever be paying for this child’s hobby. I say child because this is absolutely childish behavior on his part. This will only escalate further in the future if you let this continue. If you truly love him, you need to be very upfront and stern and set the appropriate boundaries right now! Asking you for money is not a boundary that should be crossed unless he is in an extremely poor financial situation and it is an emergency, which a video game is absolutely not! If you feel it is appropriate, end it and cut the losses. 6 months is not long, you will recover and get stronger and find someone better that truly cares. He clearly does not based on his actions. Just speaking from the other side in a similar situation, this has trouble written all over it, but I let it last for 8 years.
This is weird. As a guy, this is strange, strange behavior. The only two things I’ve seen like this are someone who’s an incredible mama’s boy, or an addict. Either way, he’s got a lot of growing up to do, and he’s the one who has to do this. Until he decides, on his own, that he wants to do it, your words are just going be an annoyance that gets between him and his desires.
Through a lot of learning, You don’t have to take my adive. But I have been there, I had an ex I would put him above me. I was young bought him a lot gave him a lot didn’t work out. It does sound like this person is trying to manipulate you by cutting you off to say ( I mean business if I don’t get my way) but its all a act. (Child tantrum) To try to make you cave and give him money. ( You matter a lot and deserve a better partner) If he makes his own money it means ( he is over spending his money and is asking you to be a bank when he runs out and wants what he wants) now I fully understand wanting to spoil our significant others, but if they are making you feel guilty and not even getting you anything you ever asked for, could be simple. You just sound like a bank.
IMO break up with him, seems like he’s establishing a cycle of manipulative emotional behavior that will only make you miserable.
If he won’t act like a decent human to you unless you give him money he’s basically just a male escort offering the boyfriend experience. Go out and find a guy who is thrilled to date you without charging you a nickle.
Is he really your bf? Have you ever met him irl?
Why are you with someone that *blocks* you when you don’t send them money? He’s using you like a cash cow. If he has no problem ignoring you to get what he wants, he doesn’t love you. I would recommend leaving right now. Normal, healthy, loving relationships are not like this. I know you’re probably still learning about love and you’re still new to being with someone, but this isn’t love. You may love him but he does *not* love you. He ignores you because he knows it hurts and he knows if he hirts you he can get what he wants. Do not stay with someone that hurts you on purpose to get their way. Please walk away. Maybe take a page out of his play book and block him on everything.
This sounds like the start of coercive control. You need to put a stop to it and get out of the relationship because he won’t change and it will get worse. Contact your local women’s aid organisation for support
My (soon to be ex) wife, who makes over 1.5X more than I do, had been bad with money and routinely overspent to the point where she would ask for a few hundred for me, almost every month, and kept asking me to cover our expensive dates. This basically kept me from rebuilding my savings and working towards us planting our roots. This has been going on for some time, and being the dummy I was, I never pushed hard enough on why she wouldn’t work on a budget with me.
Well, since she’s decided that she deserves to be independent and walked out on me and our family, it’s come out that she did not feel bad about hurting me financially because she felt it’s what she was owed for the time in our relationship when she was fronting cash, some of which I did pay back, for vacations and dates that she had to have.
My point is that money is always a sensitive subject, and when handled poorly it can be disastrous. Your boyfriend is acting entitled to your money as though it’s his. You can ask him about why he behaves this way and why he treats you poorly, however I cannot help but think that it may not go as well as you’d like.
Otherwise, I would think that you’re more than within reason to walk away from the whole mess.
You admit he just blows your money like it is free to him. Oh wait .. it is. The only way you will know if he is with you for the handouts is to stop giving him money. When he blocks you for non payment do you beg and plead for forgiveness then pony up? I suggest you stop that. Let him block you and ignore him until he apologizes. Take control. This is your life. Quit being an accessory to his.
He’s a dead beat con artist, to see how much money he can get out of you, has he payed any of the money back that he borrowed from you. He must think highly of himself if his silence makes you feel bad about yourself not giving him the money. Seek out a better boyfriend.
First, I would ask him what he is spending his money on. If it’s for stuff he really does not need, nope. If it’s for food or rent, take him shopping or make a check or money order out to his landlord. Do not give him money!!
Please ur just 18… run.Run as fast as u can n never look back
You are still young. Dump him and get a boyfriend who doesn’t want a sugar mama.
I don’t know how positively you can phrase this, but you need to tell him you are not supporting him financially when he has a job and you are not married. And he can either accept that or move on.