Title basically

39 comments

  3. Just don’t be pushy or desperate. Don’t make the interaction all about you or a goal (getting a number or date, etc). Casually chatting can be great, but it can be awful if you cant read a room and genuinely don’t want to chat with the person beyond wanting something.

  5. Being hot vs looking like a creepy guy.

    Hot guy = nice, funny, cool.

    Ugly guy = creepy, mean, stalker vibes.

  6. Demeanour. Looks do play a part but if you’re fucking rigid and your eyes are popping out of your head and wandering that’s bad, if you’re a bit more loose and natural it’s more appealing

  7. If she’s doesn’t find you attractive, she might think you’re a creep. If she does find you attractive, she STILL might think you’re a creep. Being good looking doesn’t absolve you from being creepy. There are plenty of attractive men who make inappropriate sexual comments, stare, completely miss all uncomfortable body language cues, and don’t take no for an answer.

  8. I’ve always just introduced myself…go from there. If they have “back off” vibes, then back off. Don’t be weird, pushy or creepy. Sometimes women just want to go out and have fun – nothing wrong with that. Sometimes they’re open to meeting somebody – sometimes they’re straight-up hunting….whatever the case may be, respect that.

    Edit: spelling correction

  10. “That dress looks very nice on you.”

    If you look like Idris Elba or Jason Mamoa, then it’s a compliment.

    If you look like Flavor Flav or John C Reilly, then it’s harassment.

  11. Being handsome.

    But seriously, try leading with an introduction. “Hi, my name’s (blank).” You put yourself out there and given her some info.

  13. I saw this BBC news segment where a normal dude went to investigate a bunch of pickup artists. He would hang out with them and watch how they approach women. One of the pickup artists ran down the street, full sprint, to approach this woman who was on phone call with her sister. The dude kept trying to ask her questions and get her number, but she was clearly busy talking to sister on the phone. The puas were like “Yeah, sometimes they’re on their phones or have EarPods in, so you have to work harder.”

    The interviewer, the only normal one, just walked up to a lady, complimented her in a normal, non-abrasive manner, started a genuine conversation with her, and ended up getting her phone number.

  14. Start by getting rid of the term cold approaching and use anything else. Just sounds like you’ve put too much thought into it and already sounds creepy. Try to be genuine and don’t expect to catch a fish the first time you throw a line. It takes practice, patience, perseverance, persistence. Like anything else failure is when you quit trying. If you’re that brand new you just need to work on your people skills my dude. Be yourself nobody is perfect and almost anyone spots bullshit.

  15. Maybe NOT lick your lips and rub your hands together while walking up to her.
    Maybe not check out her body .. make eye contact instead.

  16. If the girl finds you attractive they’ll find it cute and charming that you approached them, if they find you unattractive everything you do will seem creepy. You just gotta take your chances.

  17. There is no way of knowing how any particular woman will feel about it. So you have two options:

    Cold approach and live with the fact that some or all of them will deem you a creep.

    Never cold approach anyone.

    Edit:
    I’m somewhat surprised that this answer has sparked so much controversy.

    I interpret the expression “cold approach” and OP’s question as “approaching a woman you don’t know with the intention of flirting with her and possibly having sexual or romantic relations with her”.

    I don’t see the controversy. If you approach a woman like that, you can never know how she will respond to you or such situations in general. And since women are different human beings, you might get rejected with a mild “not interested” or a snooty “I have a boyfriend” said in a manner that suggests that you’re filth on the floor.

    Both options and anything in between them are possible. If you cold approach a woman, you have to either be okay with that possible outcome, or not cold approach women. It’s that simple.

    So when people reply with “Dude, it’s simple. You just have to blah blah blah” or “I disagree”, it doesn’t change anything. Those replies have nothing to do with the basic scenario: If you cold approach a woman, she might react badly. Be okay with the possibility or do not cold approach.

    How does that create so much debate?

    Also, people reply as if I’ve said “never talk to women, EVER!!!”. The astute reader will notice that I have in fact not said this.

  19. Read social cues. Back off quickly if they’re not interested. Don’t startle them. Say something normal.

    Although my best results have come from uncomfortably bold approaches that I’m usually too uncomfortable to do and wouldn’t recommend.

    You have to risk it though. If you’re doing it right, some girls will really like you, some will really dislike you, few will be neutral. If you play it safe, they’ll all be neutral.

  21. If she finds you physically attractive you can say almost anything and as long as it’s not overly sexual. If she finds you extremely unattractive it really doesn’t matter what you say.

    In general tho try to not be sexual like don’t compliment her body or something like that.

  23. Not a man but, cold approach is more about time and place than what you do. In most situations cold approach would be wrong, because its not an adequate situation and people want to be left alone.

    Let me illustrate three tiers of situations for you:

    Level 1 /No-go situations:/
    she is busy doing something, hasily on her way somewhere, it’s not at all a social situation, people who are at work and therefore both busy and trapped in the situation, or situations that feels unsafe themselves like in an empty street at night and so on. Never approach a woman in such situations.

    Level 2 /Situations that are no-ho by default, UNLESS she shows with her body language that she is open to concersation./
    Such body language will be she is looking at you, meeting your eyes, smiling and/or communicating with you non-verbally. Only then, once you all ready have a non-verbal communication should you approach. Approach within 3 minutes after the contact has been made. Examples of such situations:
    Out on the street or other public place, the store, gym, public transport and so on.
    Mind you, if you just approach a woman out of the blue in such a situation it WILL be inappropriate and annoying/invasive to her. The default is people want to be left alone in these situations, unless they are clearly signaling that they want contact with you. Missing in these situations may turn into very harsh rejections.

    Level 3 /Social situations:/
    It is generally ok to approach strangers in these situations:
    -A party, dinner or other social gathering
    -People you meet through friends
    -Any type of social group, course, class or lesson, like cooking, dancing, hiking, choir, group activities and so on. You should probably start with making friendly chat about the activity first before communicating any romantic interest.
    -Pubs, bars, clubs and certain cafés. But depending on the type of place, it might be a level 2-situation

    Hope this helps

  24. Level of attractiveness as seen through the eyes of the person being approached.

  25. I realize I’m in the wrong subreddit here (F) but the obvious answer is missing: It all depends on how you handle the woman’s response.

    If she says no and you keep pushing, asking for clarification, question her or don’t listen and back off – you’re a creep. If you respect the no, and leave her if she shows you or tells you that she wants that, you aren’t a creep.

  27. Well cold approaching IS creep, just some women tolerate it. So be hot and start with “hi”

  28. How the woman perceives you.

    What one woman finds charming, another might find creepy.

    There is no “Right way”.

  29. Approaching someone based on the situation and environment is my go to,

    If you are at a club:

    Hey how’s it goin, enjoying the music?

    Waiting for a late bus:

    Bus is taking a while haha

    You get the picture, it’s probably best to do it like this to start one rather then going all out I think woman find men creepy when they straight up compliment them out of nowhere or if they directly ask them something personal.

  30. My dude, if a woman is attracted to you she will give you obvious signals of interest for you to approach. If you don’t see those signals, it’s because she isn’t interested.

  31. I mean, don’t be creepy about it.

    Don’t just walk up and start complimenting her body and being super forward.

    Just lead with an innocuous comment. The line you’re waiting in, the weather whatever. Doesn’t matter.

    Her reaction to the initial harmless comment will tell you everything you need to know about how receptive to being approached she is.

  32. Taking the hint. If she’s not into it, leave her be immediately. She might call you a creep but you wouldn’t actually be on unless you stick around and keep bothering them

  34. Biggest rule, take “no” for an answer. When she says she isn’t interested believe her. Don’t worry about why, just walk away and look for another opening to talk to a different woman.

  35. So many bad answers here from obviously insecure men.

    1. Give her ample space. If you get up in her bubble, she’s going to feel uncomfortable. Stand a bit further away than you normally would for a 1 on 1 conversation.

    2. Leave her an escape route. If you cold approach in an elevator, when she’s at the corner seat in a bar, or seated at a table, you’re going to fail.

    3. Be upfront with your intentions without being trashy. Last week in Miami, I saw a guy cold approach a woman walking down the sidewalk. He sidled up to her and said “shawty you look thicc as fuck, can I get ya digits?” while sweeping his eyes up and down her body. Don’t do that.

    4. Still be prepared to fail 95% of the time.

  36. Women decide if they think you’re a creep or not long before you actually do or say anything.

  38. Only she can determine that. Literally the same approach, same tone, same words. Can be perceived differently by two separate people.

  39. 99% of this is how attractive she thinks you are. you have no idea if she will find you attractive until it’s too late. You have to just go for it, then accept rejections well and back off.

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