(it’s my first Reddit post so I’m sorry if there’s anything wrong) weird about it)
My boyfriend (16m) let’s name him Karl, and I (16nb) were best friends before we started dating. Bad idea I know, but we’re young and stupid.
Karl has always been a bit bold, rude and toxic but I didn’t really mind until a few weeks ago. It got worse, and whenever I tried to talk to him he said stuff like “I don’t care” “cry about it” and so on.
I then told him that he’s hurting my feelings and to please stop that, and when he didn’t, I told him I wanted to break up.
There weren’t many changes in our behaviour when we got together and there weren’t big feelings involved, so I assumed we could go back to being friends. I’m still pretty convinced on that, it just didn’t work out in a relationship, but our friendship itself was fine. (Maybe I’m to neurodivergent to understand that tho)
He said he wanted a few months and I agreed, not really understanding why.
Now, he messaged me, he isn’t interested in being friends with me any more at all. Thats his decision but he was my best friend, the person I was the closest with and really helping me.
Now I’m left with no one. Sure I have friends but no one close, and I just want him back. As a friend or partner i don’t care.
I told him I’d appreciate if we could reconsider everything but I don’t want to wheep around and beg him to come back.
I understand that everything is over now, and I know I have to accept that, but I still want him back…
What am I supposed to do?
Tldr; my boyfriend and bestrfriend doesn’t want any contact with me at all anymore, after our relationship went wrong. now I’m lonely and want him back, what am I supposed to do?
2 comments
You need to accept that you are broken up. Karl is your ex, not your boyfriend. He has also made it clear that he can’t be “just friends with you”. He us not your boyfriend any more and you need to respect that.
It doesn’t mater if you still have feelings or want him back, you cant get that. It hurts, but it is something everyone goes through and you will move on and get through it too.
Unfortunately this just happens sometimes. It’s the main risk of dating your best friends – the relationship usually cant be the same again after, and the friendship often cant survive the breakup.
You will be OK. But now you need to focus on yourself and on making new friends.
Hey, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I think if someone is rude and toxic in a relationship, they aren’t really friendship material anyway so you are probably dodging a bullet in the long run. I’m autistic so I get not having loads of friends and how important one friend can feel to you. Unfortunately I speak from experience in saying that our loyalty can be taken advantage of by the wrong people and we tend to attract people who are looking for people-pleasers, so it’s really positive that you’re reaching out for advice (I got diagnosed in my thirties, you have a major headstart in recognising that this is an area it’s good to get a second opinion on, I was just stumbling around in the dark thinking I had a character flaw.) You’re ‘supposed’ to get busy meeting new friends in this scenario. It’s good to have more than one good friend (I’m told) because people sometimes ditch and it helps us to remember when someone is being rude and disrespectful that we don’t deserve to be treated like that and other people love us. So I think you should focus on yourself, be gentle with yourself and most of all, try new hobbies etc. The novelty aspect is good for kicking your brain into a happier space, toxic relationships cause mental loops similar to narcotic addiction, you need to give your brain a better way to get high than obsessing about this one person. Also therapy/counselling is worth its weight in gold.