women of reddit, how did you become confident women?

21 comments

1. Ooooof

   I was a very rambunctious child lol and honestly it was there when I was little and now my confidence is because of bad experiences does that make sense?

2. Growing up.
   Sadly, all my 20s went to comparing myself towards other and realizing my own worth, and what I bring to the table is priceless. I don’t know when and how it happened.
   One of the things I love about getting older.

3. It took career success for me.
   I spent my young womanhood seeking validation from men.
   Once I found something else to admire about myself I quit that.
   I’d say explore life and develop skills and become proficient at something.
   Being able to *SEE* all of your non-physical attributes is half the battle- once you recognize them you can develop them and build on your own success.
   *That* is empowering.

4. I stopped making it about others. And I stopped thinking that to be confident I had to be extroverted.

5. I just turned off my thoughts, they didn’t stop but i just decided to not give a fuck. I still not as confident as I wan to be but at least I can do most of the things I was super scare to do. So to me that was a pretty good step for me also i recognize it as growth

6. I don’t think it was any specific action that I took, I just gradually realized as I got older that I just didn’t give a fuck what other people said I should do or be. It didn’t matter if my interests conflicted with each other, they’re all valid, and I don’t have to give up a part of myself to fit into one box or another. I didn’t have to hide or plump up an aspect of my personality because it’s who I “should” be. I can just be me, and if someone doesn’t like it, they can go fly up their own ass and die mad about it.

7. Good Friends.

   I was in a clique with bad influence when I was in my mid till late teens and early twenties. After I started studying and started a new job, I met very nice and friendly people and lost my old group completely. New friends always gave me a good feeling, cheered me up and showed me that I’m not worthless – unlike the old one. I guess those where the biggest game changers in my life. 🙂

8. Gain confidence not by being right, but by the act of making decisions.

   – idk who said that, I think it might have been some webcomic

   But it’s right. You get confidence by doing; by experiencing the wins and the setbacks so you can avoid them next time.

9. For me it was my education and hard work, especially getting my Masters. I take pride in what I have accomplished and I don’t let anyone mess with me.

10. I started telling myself “you’re the only person in this universe anyways” when I found myself not doing things because I was insecure or lacked confidence. Now quite literally do whatever I want and fully embrace my free will.

    3 Steps to Confidence:
    1. Tell yourself things that comfort you.
    2. Realize no one else is actually watching you.
    3. Go eat at restaurants alone, don’t look at your phone. Just vibe.
    4. Be a good human. Always.

11. Having the “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset. It really works!

12. For me it just came with age and experience. Like as a teenager I was more insecure (as so many of us are) and then as I got older and explored my own interests I just gave fewer and fewer shits about what anyone else thought.

13. To me, fake it till you make it.

    I’ve been insecure my whole life and I started to “believe” I was the shit and try to portray I was confident in who I am. Don’t get it twisted I still am insecure but as I grew up I started to don’t give a fuck on some and on others set more realistic goals for myself.

    I also found that using self depricating humour helped me cope. In my group of friends we all joke with each other and sometimes the jokes would hurt me so I started making them myself: about my nose for example… and because I was making the joke they didn’t do it or thought it wasn’t funny to repeat it and it stopped. As weird as it sounds Joan Rivers played a huge part in me “discovering” that, she made the joke first so got the upper hand on it and everyone else.

    Edit: typos

14. I started being more selfish. I go after what I want and take care of myself first. As a wife and a mother some women don’t agree with it at all but that’s what it took to get my confidence back.

15. Started my own business and paid off all my debt. Money doesn’t buy happiness but it does buy agency and the ability to do as you please.

16. I realized I had nothing left to lose.

17. Lol I don’t think of myself as confident at all. I just live my life. Fuck it. Some days I’ll feel amazing, other days not so much. That’s normal.

18. I made difficult decisions and Did The Scary Thing (whatever that may be).

19. I think it’s basically about aging and seeing stuff. After a while you realise that there is no more fuck you are willing to give, this whole shyte is totally not worth it. From that point, you are free.

20. It’s all about how you see yourself.

21. It took getting out of a 7 year toxic relationship to find myself. He judged me on everything I did. I was attractive, smart, and well-rounded and he did everything to hide it. When someone would notice or if he thought I was over exposing myself, he would get jealous and upset. It wasted all of my 20s on someone who didn’t truly celebrate me.

    When I became single I was like “I am going to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want, and I don’t care what people think,” I learned that “not everyone likes grapefruit but it’s still perfectly a grapefruit” and it helped me shed my self-judgement.

    Because of that take no shit attitude, I have dated amazing successful people who liked me for me. I have gotten job after job, doubling my salary in 5 years. My friends group is strong and unwavering. I am now excited about the future.

    This confidence radiates in everything I do. I am not the most attractive or the most fit but I just feel myself. To the point where my last ex exclaimed “you’re just so damn confident, you’re sexy as hell,” as I danced naked around his living room unabashed. And I am not the conventional sexy type – just a goofy nerd who loves herself.

    The journey has been difficult but man, is it ever so liberating to not give a fuck.