Hi everyone, I’m a 24 year old male from the UK.
First time posting on reddit after years of just browsing.
I’m someone that has spent most of my childhood and early adult life dealing with depression and anxiety. Thankfully that is mostly past me however I do still struggle to take anything further than light flirting because I don’t want to be inappropriate or make things awkward/uncomfortable.
In the last few years I’ve been working as a bartender which has helped me deal with my previous problems and really brought me out of my shell. In that period I’ve been losing weight and it’s something I’m still working on, more of a dad-bod now rather than obese. I’ve been on dates with several girls across the last 3 years but nothing has gone further than 3-4 dates. I feel partially to blame because I will cut something off if I can’t see myself able to spend my life with this person, maybe I should be less picky?
I think I would make a great boyfriend and partner and that’s something I would love to do but it’s almost like this generation isn’t interested in anything serious and just want to hook up. Obviously I’m a guy and I get horny but hooking up just to have sex isn’t really that important to me because it’s never really been all that enjoyable for me and I think I would prefer it a lot more with someone I have a romantic connection with and the ability to communicate our preferences.
I’ve slept with 7 women and only really one of those did anything for me but that was while I was on holiday so that wasn’t going to go much further. I’ve tried dating websites and apps but it never seems to lead anywhere. Most women don’t even respond, then the few that do, even fewer lead to a date, and then none of those have ended up anything more than a few dates/hookups.
I’m trying to focus on myself because people always say you’ll find what you want when you aren’t looking for it. But I work 50 hour weeks so I don’t have a huge amount of time or energy for other activities, and my main hobby is video gaming – which isn’t really going to work when any woman you meet that way is half way across the world, underage, a 40 year old mum or actually a guy. None of that is what I’m looking for. Am I too picky? I don’t think I am since I’d be wasting their time if I wasn’t interested and I’m not about doing that. Am I not looking in the right areas? Perhaps but where can I look? I don’t really have a load of friends other than work colleagues so I don’t have anyone to go out with or do anything with. I feel like at this point I’m just ranting but it does feel like it’s helping to get it out. Any advice, be brutal if you have to be, would be appreciated. Thanks
1 comment
First off mate, at 24 you are still very young. Don’t rush it. Perhaps more importantly, don’t try to be with someone just for the sake of having a girlfriend. Few things suck more than being in a relationship where you don’t genuinely enjoy the company of the other person.
You actually remind me of me when I was a little younger. I too was quite fat in my teens and early 20s , but slimmed down massively in my mid 20s. I also was quite an introvert until I got a job as a beer salesman, which basically forced me to be more social. It worked, and I’m a shadow of my introverted younger self now.
Embrace your hobbies and never stop working to better yourself. Maybe you’ll get lucky and meet a like-minded girl when you’re involved in those hobbies. Even if you don’t, it’ll at least give you more stuff to talk about when you go back to dating and make you seem like a more interesting guy to prospective future partners. Do **not** be less picky. Being picky means you’re waiting for the right match, which will make you happier, and your happiness will in turn make her happier.
I’ll also tell you what I told my brother: video games, while fun, aren’t bound to help you attract any women. Go lift some weights or learn to cook. Women dig a guy that can cook and looks after himself. Hell, give board games a shot. I’ve ran into a lot of young women who frequent board game cafes.