This guy (late 20s M) was a tutor at my (20 F) uni for a class. I never needed to ask many questions about the course as I was doing really well, but I would ask more advanced stuff which would always start a good discussion between us. I started to like talking to him, and I think he liked talking to me too. He always commented on how smart he thought I was and encouraged me to take another class he tutors even though it’s not in my department. We would sometimes talk about other stuff too like his research, my own studies, and things we personally like. I started to get a huge crush on him, but since he’s an employee of the university I thought it would be inappropriate to say anything. I should have said something right after the course he was tutoring ended, but I didn’t.
Now, it’s been several semesters and I still like him. If I never say anything, I know I’ll always be thinking “what if?” so I have to try, I just don’t know how. The only way I have to reach him is over his uni email. He does not use social media at all, or I would do that. I’m not in his department and don’t take any more classes there, so while we still are at the same school I don’t see him.
I feel weird sending an email out of the blue because it’s been so long, but I don’t know if I would run into him in person again. I don’t know what I’d say in the email either. I was thinking to maybe hang around the area his department is in more and hope I run into him, and then I can ask him if he wants to catch up over lunch or coffee and go from there, but I feel like that’s weird too.
I want to “shoot my shot” and give this a try, even if it turns out to be a rejection, but I feel like I’ve already missed my opportunity. What should I do?
TL;DR: I still have a crush on my old uni tutor, but I don’t see him irl and he doesn’t have social media and I want to ask him out but I don’t know how to go about it
1 comment
Does he work in the library or something that you can run into him relatively organically?
If you see him, go say hi, have a nice “Good to see you, how you been” and then if the vibes are right, tell him that you should go but would like to have him.your number. Hold your hand out for his phone if you don’t have paper or pencil. You can even try to set up a date (“What are you doing Thursday?”) right then if you feel bold.
If you must do it over email, keep it simple and light. Tell him you thought of something he told you or a problem you discussed together. And ask him to reach out, either text or call.
Being unambiguous and unafraid of asking for what you want is vastly helpful when trying to date – especially for women in my experience.