Me [30M] with my GF [27F] of 6+ Years, dealing with our relationship drama

My GF and I have been together since 2015. The first few years we would have minor disagreements but nothing that was game-changing. I’m open to admitting I wasn’t the mature one at times, but as the years went on I learned the art of respecting one’s feelings and listening more than speaking.

Fast forward to 2019, we had a bad argument where gender slurs were used, waste paper trash was thrown, and more. This all occurred days before a vacation we had planned. We didn’t cancel but obviously, things were tense. I went to therapy for myself and at some point got it upgraded to a couple’s therapy session. This helped us immensely for a bit, but the tension never disappeared.

2020 came and the pandemic basically had us on top of each other to the point we couldn’t breathe around one another. Throughout that year we continued to have ups and downs. Unfortunately at this point my GF was really having trouble getting over our past arguments and started to doubt my commitment to change and the progress made.

In 2021, her disdain for me increased while my efforts to do better did as well. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough as now our past has fundamentally changed her at this point. The things we would enjoy together and do together are now majority mixed with “Walking on eggshells” and making a tactical strategy before entering the room to converse with. At one point that year she even told me she hated me (though she apologized for going that far later.)

Then everything changed, she told me one day she is now a reflection of my previous self and all of the things I’ve done to her. She said it was up to me to put in the effort that she was putting in during our earlier years. She said “You don’t like it now that you’re on the receiving end.” and uses this for literally everything now. Like I said earlier; in 2021 that will have been the second year I’ve been approaching the relationship from a different perspective, but none of my efforts would get noticed by her. It would take a third party to spectate and observe and for them to interject their feedback for her to finally see my good efforts.

Near the end of 2021, we had another bad argument that felt like the beginning of the end. Around this point, the nice guy attitude was disappearing because It’s been nothing but eggshells since 2019. I was becoming more irritated with coming home to deal with this stress to the point we would barely talk. When we did talk, the tension was mostly there.

Our relationship devolved into eating dinner together, watching TV with the dinner, and *maybe* sex at the end of the night. This was fine with me for a while but then it was not conducive to our end goal which was to get married. I started to think about how unhappy our predicament made me that I had to voice my feelings on the matter that we have to stop this in its tracks or we are not going to last.

About 3 weeks ago we had a conversation that if we had to discuss our issues again then we shouldn’t be together anymore. We agreed with that. Last week, I voiced how I felt on the matter and told her how I was having doubts about us fixing this because not much was changing still.

I guess my feelings are written on my face because she said she was sensing something was bothering me. I came clean and told her, but her response was not what I thought it would be.

She called me a Quitter, doubled down on the “You made me this way” mentality, and generally wouldn’t take any responsibility for our issues and that the ball was 100% in my court to right this ship. She even said she doesn’t respect me as a man since she had to ask me what was bothering me instead of me just blurting it out…

She asked me if I was asking for a break. I replied yes, I think we should take at least a month away from each other physically to better ourselves so that we don’t blow our last shot with one another. I don’t want to give up, I want us to really work and if I have to sacrifice time to do so I’m willing to.

She was never fond of breaks and said if we ever took one she would consider it a break up. I stood my stance and told her I really don’t want a break up like you said all those years ago, I want to give this a try. My idea behind it was that the time apart would make us both reflect on what is most important to us about this relationship. We would then realize that none of the stuff we argued or got ourselves into this situation over was really worth it. For the bigger issues, it would give us time to reflect on the ways we responded to one another and how to do so with better results.

Needless to say, she didn’t really give an answer to this. She packed up all of her stuff and moved out the following day.

I know this is exactly what I asked for, but the fact she didn’t agree or disagree troubles me. I don’t know if I should expect to work on myself with the hope of tackling our relationship with a different outlook, or if I should be working on myself for my next relationship.

The only hint I have is that she asked how will she know I’m coming back? I told her since she struggled to trust me before due to her own insecurities, this would be the test to see if we truly worked on ourselves during our time apart.

I really love her, but not the person she became with such a negative outlook; to me, it’s really offputting. I know I helped create this problem, but I don’t feel it’s right I’m being “punished” for years after acknowledging the issues and actively doing better.

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**tl;dr**:

* Relationship started in 2015.

* I was immature originally and could have made better decisions. I wisened up after an incident in 2019.

* Many arguments were had, some bigger than others. Most arguments have communication being the root of the issue.

* GF became bitter towards me and won’t recognize any improvements I make. She became a gaslighter.

* Outside parties can see the change in her behavior; they have brought it to my attention several times stating I deserve better than that, but they don’t know our whole history.

* GF openly admitted she does not respect me as a man!

* Decision to go on break was made. Don’t know if she agrees fully.

What do you all believe when it comes to going on a break under these circumstances?

How can we return from this and create a bigger and better relationship?

*I’m truly down to fight for this relationship until sudden death with 999% health. That is the only reason I spent my afternoon typing this up.*