i think it’s insecurity only.
Actually I (25 M) have not been in any relationship due to various reasons primarily my shy, introvert and nerdy nature. In my school I used to be very introverted and didn’t talk much to any girl. In my college there were very few girls as I was in an engineering institute though it was a premier institute but gender ratio was very skewed.
Now I am very well settled in high paying stable job but I get very anxious whenever I thought about my future partner. Sometimes I think I have missed an important part of life that is being in a relationship, being loved by someone in wake of my career. Now everywhere I see people in relationship, loving each other.
Now when I see people so much in love, caring for each other I think how would they ever forget these loving memories even if they had breakup,
now this makes me anxious if i will be in a relationship with any woman having past having these loving memories of years will she ever forget them wouldn’t she compare me with her ex and what if she found me lower than that what she expected would she leave me.
Sayings like “first ones are so special” make these feelings much worse and sayings like “you should never ask about the past of any woman” makes me feel paranoid about even starting a conversation with any girl.
I have been very close to my family, I have seen long relationships and I know or at least I think that long term relationships are best, that’s why whenever I think about a relationship i think about it as a long term and because of all these reasons i asked on this poll.
I know that even a woman with no past can do anything that I mentioned but it still feels to me more secure
Tl;DR: Feeling insecure because of not having any relationship, need help.
9 comments
You are waaay overthinking this
You are getting ahead of yourself. First step is finding a woman who likes you, **any woman.**. It’s not as if you have a lot of choices right now
Your only hurting yourself.
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First off your 25. Second you are overthinking this big time. You need to get out there and find a woman to go on a date with. It’s the first step. Second at 25 she may have a past. A good chunk might. But if you hold that against ppl you may be alone for a long time. You can’t think about the ending before it even begins. Does it suck. Yes. But it helps you grow and mature. You just legit need to relax. Go on dates. Enjoy yourself. Don’t get caught up in the what ifs.
I heard this song the other day about how the persons ex’s new girlfriend was getting the better version, so on so forth. You grow and learn so much in life through relationships of all kinds. I’m not the best partner by any means, but because of my past I feel I definitely have improved in ways I don’t think I could have without my past.
I understand insecurities, I would try not to stress about things that haven’t happened yet. You are still young and it sounds like you’ve built a solid foundation for yourself when you’re ready.
> firsts are so special
I’ve never heard an adult say this. Because it’s baloney.
Tackle your insecurities or remain single.
I mean, reflect on your framing. You are saying that you want a girl without a history so that if you happen to be a mediocre partner she will be less inclined to notice or find it harder to leave you. That isn’t just shallow, that is straight up gross.
>”first ones are so special”
Not many people actually stay with them, even if this was true. All those people in happy loving relationships? Likely they have a history and they are still able to enjoy the moment.
Really this is just about you being self conscious about your lack of experience and hoping to avoid the topic by finding someone in the same situation. That isn’t shallow per se but it isn’t healthy either.
You also have a past: this load of insecurities