I have all my friends in relationships, while me I cannot find even one potential partner. Once their relationships end, they find so easily another person, who becomes girlfriend/ boyfriend. It makes me so insecure, why I am not capable of finding my love. And when I see or talk to them, they seem to be very happy. i mean I am happy for them, but I feel so insecure when it comes to find my love.
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Sadly some people are thus way. All you do is keep trying or give up. Both will hurt like hell.
You are insecure which is often a major barrier to finding a partner.
You may not be aware of what signals your body language is sending and people you know will look past them but to a stranger your body language is probably screaming “please don’t talk to me”.
Low standards? Adaptability? Dumb luck?
There are probably a countless number of reasons and combinations.
If they’re fluttering from relationship to relationship, they didn’t “find their love”.
Some guys get all the love. Others get none. Love isn’t fucking socialized.
If you’re ugly, polish that turd til you’re halfway decent. If your personality sucks, work on it… if you can. If your body is shit, hit the gym. People are under no obligation to give you their love like it’s a party favor.
Some people have it easier. Some are also better at pretending they are happy and in love. Insecurity does tend to communicate something wrong about yourself to others, which, ironically, might be what’s wrong with you and nothing else. Confidence is key, and it sucks to be told that until you get it. I hope you find a way to get it.
Coincidence. You can’t earn, provoke or force love. Nobody can.
Some people will fall in love with just about anyone as long as they’re half decent looking, but the next person that comes along will strike their fancy and now it’s on to another. I avoid getting in to relationships with these people. They’re only in the relationship because they want to be in a relationship. Not because they want to be in a relationship with you.
you are about to screw your life
Certain traits… you donˇt find a girl sitting behind the computers, searching for internet, being shy and uninteresting.
Go out, be communicative….have something to offer, be interesting
What have you done to find a partner?
That’s not their love. It’s just temporary relationships.
I’ve been single most of my 26 years and in my earlier adulthood I used to wonder similar things. I always had a dream of getting married and starting a family at a younger age than I am now. Though as I’ve matured there’s certain things I’ve started to realize as to why I haven’t found someone or even fallen in love.
I am introverted as well as I have a severe lack of understanding peoples emotions. Couple that with the fact that I am selfish. Some people are people pleasers and are always surrounding themselves with people therefore making these opportunities pop up for them frequently. Thus they are able to jump around in and out of relationships and when one clicks you will see them with that person for some time, potentially for the rest of their lives. Some people are good at the romantic game, sweeping people of their feet with their charm, whereas people like me are not big fans of romanticism.
Depending on what you looking for love doesn’t always have to come from a romantic partner. Most things that you’d naturally expect from a romantic partner can also come from your best friend like accountability, reliability or just a set of ears willing to listen. Yes, you’ll probably miss out on the physical affection, but ultimately you just want someone who’s there for you, someonewho has your back.
Sorry for the wall of text, I hope this helps.
Love is not easy to find, my guy. Some people were lucky to find it at 1st try, but they’re actually very rare.
Now, don’t think that since a couple’s been together for years & they’ve only been with each other that means that they love each other. There are lots of reasons why some of them are still together, like: the children they have, shame from peers & family if they’re from a more conservative culture, etc.
They haven’t learned to actually love themselves
10% luck 20% skill 15% concentrated power if will 5% pleasure 50% LOOKS
Volume of interactions.
Dating/romance is just a giant numbers game. The more people you meet, the higher the odds you’ll meet someone you click with. So, we’ll take an example.
If your friends were meeting 5 new people every week, and you were only meeting 3, by the end of the year, your friends will have met 260 new people, and you will have met 156 new people. So they will have met over 100 more new people than you have over the course of a year. Scale this up to 3 years, and it’s over 300 more people.
If you want to meet your love, you have to go looking for them. They’re not going to magically show up while you’re sitting at home playing CoD. You have to go out and do things, meet people, grow your social network. Then, put them to work for you.
That’s all it is. It’s a simple formula. The more people you meet, the higher the odds you meet someone right for you. The fewer you meet, the lower the odds.
Dating, especially in the era of online dating, is all about churning through people, putting up numbers, and a bit of patience.
Some people are just good at being in relationships? They give off a certain vibe, they’re “trained” if you know what I mean. And on top of everything else that gives off a certain “safety” vibe to new potential partners – they’ve been vetted, they know how to communicate, they know how to handle the mundane aspects of a relationship as well as the dating highs and lows.
I think you know the reasons why you aren’t finding partners. What kind of shape are you in? Are you sexy/cute? What positive qualities do you radiate, for any woman to pick up on?
When you’re in a relationship it seems like all the women who used to ignore you, now want you. Now that you’ve become good enough for another woman, you’re good enough for them. Once they see how you behave as a relationship partner, you might start ticking boxes. You go from untested material to tested material.
You know that rule about how it’s hard to find a job when unemployed but if you already have a job, they all want to start you next week? Relationships are the same way. Women who observe you to have good qualities within a relationship can now judge you on that, while before they couldn’t.
Hit the gym, develop an interesting hobby and become proficient at it, develop one monetizable skill, preferably the same as the hobby – google up and become aware of fashion, presentation, and become familiar with all the ways you can increase your looks. Or, just as important, prevent your looks from decreasing. If you’re a 6, you don’t want a lazy dress style and bad hair to make you look like a 4, right?
And stay away from online dating. The deck is rigged, and you’re not going to win. Online dating is the only marketplace where the company must provide bad customer service and a product that doesn’t work in order to keep people coming back. Because every time it works, they lose those customers. Meet women in real life.
Lastly, ignore all polite advice from your female friends who don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying to your face what they say to each other about you. Just know they’re trying to be kind. Instead, talk to your friends who are in good relationships. At least a few of your friends in relationships are probably in good ones. Ask them questions, get their advice.
And never fear big changes. What hasn’t worked in the last 2 years won’t start working in the next 6 months without big changes.
You must also realize dating and relationships are two different skills.
Dating itself is two skills: Searching and Courting. Searching itself involves several layers of skills. Courting is much simpler.
Relationships are a whole skillset that you never stop learning and many of those dating skills will not apply.
At this point anyone who is in a relationship or well-off in anyway is just lucky.
Really depend on the person
– some people are very dependent and seek other dependents, they will attract each other in a way an independent person won’t
– settling is a common theme so unless you will settle and compromise on things, it won’t change
– desirability, it’s cold but some people have more desirable traits than others
– they are active and seek out new people in a way you are not
– they prioritize this more than other areas of their life
They dont. They settle for the first “he/she is cute/funny” or “he/she gives me attention”. Perhaps they think that they must “learn to love” the person. Maybe they are afraid of aging lonely? Or maybe they simply jump in the bandwagon of having a partner for the sake of the braging rights. Or maybe they are just horny and pick the first person that is also horny.
Some of the people you describe are incapable of being on their own so they latch onto **any** potential partner as soon as they can. You dont see behind the scenes of how that relationship actually is.
Some of the people you described have a certain energy or gravity about them where people are drawn to them and they have proper, stable, and happy relationships. This is much more rare.
You don’t find love until you love yourself
It’s hard until it’s not.
I wish I knew the answer. I’ve been told that I’m ‘the perfect man’ by so many women, including many who wanted to leave their partners to be with me, yet I’ve been single for so long that it’s embarrassing to even admit how long.
At the same time I’ve had many colleagues who are angry, negative, depressed, spiteful, mean-spirited, anti-social, boring, argumentative, out of shape and unattractive who are never single for more than a few months or so.
It’s baffling.
The sexual marketplace follows a very predictable economic structure – 5s get 5s, 7s get 7s, 9s get 9s, etc. People who find it easy to date have a good grasp of their own value, and target people in or below their range. Obviously, the more attractive you are, the more options you have. And you have to go out and make the effort.
Basically if you’re a 6 but you’re going for 7s and 8s and ignoring others 6s, you’re gonna have a tough time. The answer is a combination of improving yourself, and lowering your standards slightly. If you can get up to a 7 and you start going for 6-7-8s, you’ll have much better luck.
Love normally finds you, not the other way around
It’s because they accept anything that comes along and just try to make it work.
Timing and actively searching for it I guess, i dunno, I’ve never been in a relationship so
Because they groupthink and trick insecure people into dating them by making it seem they have power in a social hierarchy.
They either have low standards or they’re very generic people who can easily find compatible partners because they’re so one-dimensional.
Generally, as you get older you become an increasingly unique combination of life experiences, tastes, quirks, etc. and it becomes more and more difficult to find a partner that vibes with all of that well enough to both spark romantic feelings and be compatible with you in all the ways a partner needs to be. So your friends either haven’t become very complicated and are compatible with an oddly large number of people, or they’re settling for people they aren’t that compatible with so they don’t have to be alone. Probably settling.
I could end up in a relationship with just about anyone I was interested in back in high school/college. Then I had a few back to back extremely short relationships and realized I wasn’t being selective enough. I started holding out for people I had more in common with, and remembering my needs and issues in prior relationships and looked for people I thought would be compatible. I’ve found one in ten years, but holy shit she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I never knew I could be so in love.
So do what you want and enjoy your life. Date around, get to know some great people. But don’t settle if you don’t want to. There’s nothing wrong with you for not constantly being in relationships.
Cause im addicted to relationship and commitment 😄 im so scared of being alone that i convince myself im in love with every woman i date 😚
… im working on it tho
A combination of the following:
* Being willing to settle for anyone who gives them the time of day they deem “good enough” to date
* Knowing how to seek out others with similar codependent traits to them
* They very actively seek out potential partners when they are single, passively/subconsciously (sometimes even actively) when they are not single, and keep in touch with as many people as possible. When they find themselves single again, they are not single for long because they have a pool of potential partners they’ve already established a bit of rapport with.
* The longer you spend dating, the easier it gets to find new partners. There are a lot of dating skills and strategies you pick up on with experience.
The last point is actually not a bad strategy when you’re single or not actually serious with anybody, but once you agree to a commitment then you shouldn’t be doing this.
Not speaking for all serial monogamists but some are very particular about who they date. In the past four years, I’ve had two serious relationships (currently still in one) and one
failed attempt that dragged on for about a year.
I meet a lot of people but I like sparingly few. The only people I’m willing to spend tons of time dating are the people who I think I could be happy spending the rest of my life with. Otherwise, I look elsewhere.
But I also have a very warm, affectionate, and thoughtful personality. To the commenters saying that serial monogamists aren’t finding love—that’s not true. I’ve loved each of the last three guys I’ve dated, truly and deeply and in different ways.
I think it’s about meeting people, having standards, knowing what you want and keeping your head up until you find it. If you have to do mental gymnastics to justify why someone is a potential good partner, they aren’t. Keep looking, they’re not it.
The good news is that it is just a numbers game and you only have to win once.
Edit: grammar
Low standards.
Some people have a lower threshold for what it takes to feel that type of connection. Some have a lifestyle that brings them around more new people often. Some are more attractive and better socially.
In order of importance I think it goes lifestyle > attractiveness > love threshold.
Patience is key. Working on yourself and the way you manage your emotions and deal with conflict as well as physical progress is important. Try not to focus on finding someone, but letting things fall into their place by themselves.
After I got cheated on, it took me a whole year to even begin getting over it. Then another 2 years to get back to a confident level and then another 3 years to be at peak confidence and completely care free.
Throughout those years, I struggled with insecurities, with being kind to myself and ultimately learning that things will fall into place if I focus on the right areas. Eventually I found the most amazing woman and even then it wasn’t instant. It took some consideration and time before I made the conscious decision that this person is amazing and I must take the plunge whole heartedly, otherwise it wouldnt work. This mentality came from the years of progress I made. We are now the happiest we can be and look forward to many great memories.
Long story short, focus on things that make you more confident and make you feel happy by yourself. This aura will attract exactly what you hope for and from there continue learning and progressing.
Live and be happy by yourself and eventually you can be happy with someone else also. I am sure things will work out for you and I am rooting for you.
All the best
They forgive and forget
It can take a while, like my SO. He dated in highschool, then did his own thing for 10yrs before we met. He’d been approached and has approached women during that time, but it never felt right to him. Then we met 4yrs ago, and we’re engaged.
Speaking from personal experience: The best relationship you’ll have is the one you didn’t expect.
Case in point: my gf and I met and became really good friends 17 years ago; we connected really fast, built a fantastic friendship (we did go on a few dates but not much else romantically), which built a solid foundation of trust. We both had ton of romantic feelings for each other, but I ended up friendzoning her before she went off to college, because I loved our friendship but didn’t want to fuck it up, because teenager.
Fast-forward to last year, after many years of minimal contact, we reconnected during our respective divorces (neither of us were looking for anything by reconnecting), and that fire we felt for each other so many years ago was still very much alive and present. Pair that with the aforementioned foundation of trust, we clicked almost immediately, and being grown-ups, we both decided to finally go for it. Turns out we both had considered each other “the one that got away”; we had a lot in common and a ton of compatible personality traits, she’s incredibly supportive of me and my hobbies (and I to hers), and she’s the absolute kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met.
Luck, basically.
Also you’ve probably got things going on about you that is putting women off. Take a real harsh inventory of yourself and your life and make changes.
I saved myself for marriage, didn’t put up a false front and a I have niche interests (gaming, heavy metal, etc.) that I didn’t hide. In fact I looked for women in the same niches. Been with her for 12 years, married for the last five. Could not be happier.
It was easy because I did what the Bible said to do and God blessed me with a life partner. I think the rise of anti-theism is why a lot of people have a hard time in life.
There’s no such thing as “finding the true love”.
People find each other and make things happen, sometimes for a while, sometimes for a bigger while, sometimes for their lifetimes.
Remember that the green is always greener on the neighbor.
Maybe you’re just focusing on the successful relationships around you and neglecting the many that fail.
Don’t focus too much energy on finding someone. You’ll get bitter over time. Try to make yourself a better person and try to find new hobbies that make you connect with other people, you’ll eventually find someone nice 🙂
Yeah those kind of people are settling
It could be a lot of things. But ask yourself – would you date the fe/male (I can’t tell what gender you are by your post) version of yourself?
What I mean by this is are you healthy, emotionally, financially, physically? Do you carry yourself well? Do you dress appropriately (for your age, culture, etc)? Do you have good hygiene? That may seem like a stupid question but there are lots of people who need to stand a little closer to the soap while in the shower.
Sometimes people are not the best version of themselves and can’t understand why others are not attracted to them.
So again, would you like to date yourself?
My friends who complain the most about not being able to find love are picky “choosy beggars” who want a very particular kind of partner without taking a sober look at themselves.
The people happiest in love are the ones with an open heart and open mind.