He’s just a friend”.
She’d say that on repeat like it would bring truth to the lie.
He was a regular at the pub she worked at. And it started small of course.
She’d stay out a little later with ‘him’. She’d go for drinks on a Friday with ‘him’. By the end she’d even sleep at his’ house.
But always as a friend.
I am a cyber contractor, often contracted by various individuals for finding infidelity cases most times, And I have always be silently tempted to use my skills to find out if she was cheating.
I have always said No. I pushed the issue once. Asked her if she felt it was appropriate to go home with a regular from the pub she worked at, and sleep at his house.
My question was deflected like a world-class boxer shrugging off a punch. Before a return blow was landed squarely on my concerns.
“You need to trust me” she’d say. “You don’t trust me to sleep on the couch at a friend’s house?” So l let it go. And these small things began to grow into big things.
You can try and hold onto a relationship like that. But it’s water in your hands. Give it enough time, and you’ll be left with nothing, wondering who turned off the tap that had flooded you with happiness for years.
And so she was gone. “I’m not leaving you to be with him” she said, the last night I saw her. “I just need to find myself in the world” Seemed incredible timing that they started dating a week later.
And you know what? Despite the turmoil of seeing the ground approaching and having no way to exit the relationship gracefully. Despite them celebrating their 6 month anniversary just 7 months after we broke up…
I get it. Because you don’t choose who you fall in love with. I could never hate someone for that. But you do choose how you handle it.
She texted me back 2 days ago and asked for us to get back… I don’t know how to handle that. I do need advice on the right way to handle such a request.
You can cheat – like she did. Or leave on your own when you feel the waters running dry. I am well over her. But I needed to get that off my chest. And here felt right.
That’s where the most important unspoken boundaries come into play. They’re not what you ask of someone else. But what you ask of yourself.
The greatest unspoken boundaries exists inside of you. And it’s up to you to acknowledge them, not ignore them.
If you wake up and your attraction to your partner is gone, if you wake up and your respect for your partner is gone, if you wake up and your love for your partner gone…
Then you need to pack your shit and go.
Once you fall out of love with someone, you leave. Staying, and prolonging their pain by giving them hope, is a boundary you never cross.
Because when the waters of your relationship run dry, it’s not fair to make your partner think life-giving rain is
on the way, when the earth is permanently scorched.
Oh and also don’t eat the last slice of pizza when I’m hungry.
That’s an unspoken boundary too. And here felt like the right place to speak my mind
32 comments
She trickle truthed you and planned this out. She is supposed to be in a relationship with you and meanwhile is going out on dates with this guy and going to his house for sleep overs.
She is acting single so now she is single.
Do not take her back. Do not talk or respond to her. You leave her and move on. Work on yourself and then in the future think about dating again.
NEVER give a cheater a second chance EVER…She disrespected and gaslighted you in the most vile way and now that the novelty has worn off, she wants to get back with her Plan B…
Know your worth buddy and cut all contact with her…
yeah uh … no.
Its been 7 months. Go NC and move on my dude. DONT EVEN RESPOND to that message – and in case you did, its ok , just block her everywhere.
You sound very mature 🙂 I’m sure you’ll find someone better!
If they cheat its over, no exceptions. She isnt worth your time man, tell her that because of her own actions you dont want anything to do with her, tell her not to contact you again and then block her. Shes a cheater who doesnt deserve a second chance with you, you will never trust her again so dont try to, leave her behind you will find better
It’s very nicely written but it does leave me with two questions. What was her reasoning for wanting to come back and why would she think you would take her back?
Dude, you’re way too good for her. Block, delete and move on with your life.
Do you truly need advice? Obviously you block her and never have any contact with her ever again – she’s a cheater and a liar.
Is is it ‘normal’ for adults to have sleep overs with friends of the opposite sex? That’s a 100% no in any relationship I’ve ever been in and same for every friend I’ve ever had.
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Translation: Your EX girlfriend began getting closer to this man and slept at his house and she repeatedly lied denied and dismiss any claims of wrongdoing and most definitely was cheating and you were such a fool you believed her, and you were such a pushover, and a doormat was it surprising she even lied to you about leaving you and went right to him and now she realizes the grass isn’t greener and it didn’t work out now wants to come back and you ask what to do simple BLOCK HER and next time stop have some self-respect to stand up for yourself and get a backbone.
I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but you allowed her to do that to you anyone could see what she was doing and instead of you owning up to your mistake that you didn’t call her out and make her leave for good. you sit here and use fancy words to try and cover up your lack of self-respect
I love the not trusting her to sleep on couch at friend house , couches have more sexual activity on them than most beds
This is fake, it’s just an ad for his “cyber contractor” services
Updateme!
This reads like it was written by Michael Scott impersonating that guy from Taken
“I have a special set of skills…”
He probably broke up with her and now she wants to come crawling back. Block her and never speak to her again.
Cannot say I’m surprised, she clearly thinks trust is given and not earned. Meanwhile, was doing everything in her power to make herself seem as untrustworthy as one can be.
You’re allowed to have boundaries. If something like this happens to you again in a future relationship please stand up for yourself immediately, do not let others walk on you.
Ayup. A woman splits and goes silent for months and then mysteriously wants to reunite? Her primary choice of orgasm donor found a better charity.
She did you dirty man, but depending on your personality, you should probably tell her to just kick rocks.
On the other hand, the phrase “don’t get mad, get even” comes to mind. After the manipulation she put you through, maybe it’s time for a taste of her own medicine.
But seriously you should probably just tell her to not contact you anymore
The answer for her is a hard “Fuck No”.
Good luck to you
There’s this fella named Jim. Make him be your best friend. Become confident. It’s not arrogant if you make what you’re proud about true
You’re a doormat to her. Find someone who values you. Staying at a friend’s place… What a dummy…
My reply to her suggestion would be short and simple. “You are a liar, a cheat and have betrayed me in so many ways while lying calmly to my face. You do not deserve a relationship with me and there’s no reason I can see that I should suffer a further relationship with you”
Idk if he broke up with her or she had an 80/20 moment but both would make sense and both are a good reason not to go back.
If he broke up with her and she’s crawling back then essentially you would become her fall back guy if you were to take her back, it’ll become a permanent rip. Because if you take her back you’re telling her that what she did to you was ok and that if she did it again you’d probably forgive her again(even if you know you wouldn’t)
If she did have an 80/20 moment then she probably met this guy who filled 20% of her needs that couldn’t be met by you. Instead of talking about the needs he was meeting that you couldn’t she ran off to have those needs met, but after 6 months the honeymoon phase left , the fog cleared and she realized she was missing that 80% you gave her. If that’s the case you shouldn’t go back bc, while yea not everyone is gonna meet every need, it’s up to that person to properly communicate those needs rather than finding them from someone else. Communication is a big part of a relationship and if you can’t communicate then these things will just repeat.
You sound like you won’t be taking her back and that’s good bc you deserve way better than to be treated the way you were.
Chasing greener pastures while lying to you. Of course her behavior was inappropriate, and of course you didn’t trust her…look how she was acting.
And now she wants what she had. But you do not want what she had, because it was crap she offered.
Glad you moved on, I wouldn’t even give her the time of day to write a response.
The right way to handle such a request? Wtf are you on about? Tell her to fuck off!
Fuck you man, this is exactly what happened in my last relationship and now reading your post just brought back memories of it and now i dont even know why im crying. I honestly thought about asking for advice in here, but reading your post gave me all the advice I needed, I know you asked for advice but I want to thank you for giving me advice
Very eloquent good sir. You have your shit together. Cheers
>I am a cyber contractor, often contracted by various individuals for finding infidelity cases most times, And I have always be silently tempted to use my skills to find out if she was cheating.
This is truly batshit insane and obviously fake lol
This reads like a work of fiction. If it is true, which I doubt, then this is a nothing burger. There is no advice to give
Step1) take her back
Step2) cheat on her
Step3) send her a picture of you in another girls mouth with the caption “I just need to find myself “
Step4) turn off your phone
Watch as hilarity ensues 🫡
I agree with the others, she trickle truth to while she had an affair. Adults don’t go and sleep at other adults house, they have sex. She’s gone, you are not with her, just continue your life the way it is. Don’t answer her. Don’t give a cheater a second chance. Do you need to move out for yourself and just keep going.
Never get back with a cheater. Treat them like the trash they are