My husband has a weird sense of humor. Normally, I get it. But he has made more than a few jokes lately about how easy it would be to kill me. I told him that I do not consider it funny, it’s creepy and weird. Last night he did it again and even got a kitchen knife off of the counter (then put it back again quickly). I told him it was NOT funny, I was angry and upset and we slept in different rooms.

Is this normal behavior? Since I’ve told hum multiple times about how upsetting such statements are, shouldn’t he stop???

37 comments

  1. Nope, not funny, not normal, not amusing. Why does he think it’s funny? What is his reply to this? To threaten you through a joke?

  2. This is so wild I don’t even know. It’s twisted.
    Does he have a twisted sense of humor always? Or did this come out of the blue? Like was he one of those people that thought dead baby jokes were funny?
    God, this is weird.
    No. Not normal. ESPECIALLY if it’s not “normal” about him.

  3. There are jokes which can be dark… but putting the knife in his hand… that isn’t normal. He might have some pent up anger issues.

  5. I have a dark sense of humor. I’ve joking told my husband many times I was going to kill him. And he laughs hysterically. If he ever told me it upset him though I would stop. It’s probably more funny too when you know the person isn’t physically capable of it. When they are though, I can see where it would make you stop and question. Regardless, you have told him to stop so he needs to stop.

  6. In my marriage, this is a joke we make pretty often. Thing is, we both think it’s funny. The concerning part here is that he doesn’t stop when you tell him you don’t like it. He’s not respecting the boundary you’re setting, and that’s not okay.

  7. As someone who watches a lot of Forensic Files this is scary. Almost all the husbands that jokes about killing their wives eventually kills them. There are cases where the wife tells her family and they all brush it off as a joke. This is scary, hopefully your life insurance doesn’t have him as the beneficiary, if you have one. Keep one eye open and don’t eat food that taste weird.

  8. OP you need to read ” why does he do that, inside the minds of angry and controling men” by lundy bancroft

    I think what he is doing is compliance testing you. AKA shit testing you for abuse. It will get worse from here.

    He’s abusive, its not normal for normal men to do this, but its very normal for abusive and controling men.

  9. Absolutely not. If someone mentioned ‘oh it would be so easy just to stab you right now’, or similar messages, I’d be terrified! Not only that but when people often are like “oh relax, I was just kidding” its usually because you didn’t give them the reaction they were hoping for, and there is usually a slight truth behind it.

  11. My husband jokes about me poisoning him and cheating on him with his personality if he meant it, it would not be funny. We laugh about it but i know it’s his way of expressing his fear. I always look him right and the eye and saying something like l, oh sure. With an eye roll. It’s my way of doing my best to reassure him. It works for us and it doesn’t stress me out.

    This behavior is waaaay off. Do you guys get along normally? Like others are saying there could be some major things bothering him that he is not expressing. He might not even know what is bothering him. Make a big enough stink about it to make sure he thinks about it.

    My husband works with a dude who admits he fantasizes about killing his wife and he swears he would never do it 😳 it’s his way of working through his frustration with the marriage.

  14. Does your husband use humor to express himself because he learned at an early age that he would get in trouble for saying weird Shit he meant, and he now employs humor as a coping mechanism?

  15. My husband and I always joke about the different ways we would cover up each others murder and get away with it.

    I also always pick at him saying stuff like “you better hope you don’t ever become an invalid because the first thing I’m going to do to you is i.e.; make you watch all the commercials you usually skip, or make a cup of coffee and hold it just beyond your reach” etc etc.

    I’ve come up with quite a few fun (and completely harmless) ways to torture him but our playfulness ends there.

    With YOUR situation?… I would start to be concerned he has homicidal ideations and would never feel truly safe with him again.

    You should make note of how he treats animals, children, take a deep dive into his internet browsing history, make note of the types of movies he watches, think about how he is during sex, what his fetishes are or how he treats you then, that kind of thing.

    While you’re at it do some research on other more obscure warning signs you need to watch out for.

    You really could be “Sleeping With the Enemy” and not know it.

  16. So not funny, especially because you don’t find it funny. He needs to learn to read the room.

  17. My husband and I have had this convo before (about our intrusive thoughts and whatnot) having to do with harming other people. Like how we’ve thought about doing stuff like that. We have never ONCE even imagined that we could do that to each other. Even if it was a joke, it should have ended after you told him it made you uncomfortable. For him to keep doing it, and even pick up a “weapon” even jokingly is horrifying. You need to get out of there ASAP because there is a VERY slim chance he is actually joking. You need to immediately tell any close friends or family about the situation and i would leave and worry about your belongings later. DO NOT be alone with him even when you go back for your stuff, have at least one other person with you, preferably another man (a large scary man if you can).

    I might also add that my mother is a narcissistic psycho and attempted to kill my dad twice when I was very very little. My dad stayed with her (until about 5y ago) and it never happened again, but she always made jokes like that as well. Even after they got divorced she would joke that she should have just killed him off and it would have made her money instead of cost her. I think the reason she never went through with it is she was not capable. My dad was always very cautious around her and he was much stronger and smarter. Please please save yourself and get out of there.

  18. I mean, I make jokes about my wife killing me saying that I don’t want to up my life insurance too much or she’ll get ideas, but that’s about the extent of it, but they’re pretty rare and usually only when talking about benefits or something. Like maybe a handful of times in thr 12+ years we’ve been married, and I’m sure there’s a chance I made one going the other direction like “I don’t know if I should elect for spouse coverage, don’t want to be tempted”

    But again, those are few and far between and she laughs with me about them because it’s more about the money than anything. If she ever acted remotely offended or concerned, I’d apologize immediately and never come near the topic again.

  19. Op read “The gift of fear”, or find an expert of the first chapter. But TLDR; trust your gut, this isn’t normal.

  20. bluntly tell him that if he doesn’t stop doing it, you’re leaving. Then follow through. At best, he doesn’t realize how creepy it is and needs to be told point blank to stop. At worst, he’s a psychopath

  21. Nope, that’s a huge red flag for me. It’s one thing to joke about it, but another to actually grab a knife “jokingly”?? The fuck?? That would shatter my trust in him.

  22. Omg I wouldn’t even be able to sleep around my man if he did something like this, keep your head on a swivel and stay safe please

  25. He is testing the waters.

    Does he ever pinch, tickle, or restrain you, and doesn’t stop or ease up the moment you ask? Does he ever lie on top of you, wrap blankets tight around your legs or arms, use bedroom restraints and make you ask a few too many times when you want to come out?

    Does he ever “lightly” slap, push, or trip you? Does he ever block you from leaving a room when he wants to continue a conversation and you don’t? Does he laugh about it and make you ask a few times, until you get aggravated, then say that he was just joking around and thought you were too?

    Does he drive too fast in the car, run light or stop signs, yank the wheel when you’re driving, and ignore when you ask him to stop doing that or say that you’re scared?

    Does he ever break your things, in accident or in anger? Just a clumsy guy but his stuff never gets broken?

  26. It’s not a joke. No set up, no punch line. He knows you don’t like it. He can’t be dumb enough to think that pushing a boundary you have made clear multiple times would improve your mood. This is disturbing behavior

  27. A lot of abuser’s will hide behind, it was just a joke. Don’t be so sensitive.

    Are there any other indicators you might be in an abusive relationship?

  28. OP, is he in that category of guys who have such an immature sense of humor they can’t leae behind the juvenile idea that teasing unmercifully is funny? Usually guys who are worth something leave it behind in junior high or high school, but some guys stubbornly hang onto the habit of very unfunny ‘humor’ long past the sell date.

  29. Homicidal ideation isn’t considered “normal” behavior. Vocalizing it is even more concerning. I’d have them seek a therapist and have some open communication about these “jokes”.

  32. Next time that happens call 911 and tell them you want an ambulance to take him for a psych evaluation.

  36. People tell what they are about to do prior to doing

    I think he did that involuntary

    I would t a take that as a warning ⚠️

  37. That’s not funny, he could be having intrusive thoughts and trying to joke about it to make light of it. That is really scary OP.

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