Over the last few years I’ve noticed a bend in my penis that at this point seems as though it will be difficult and painful to have sex for both my partner and myself (think of a fairly downward curving banana – it’s quite significant). I’ve been too embarrassed to go to the doctor about it, but last week, I noticed a friend that I’ve (both early 20s) been hanging out with a lot start to look at me differently. It was enough to get me to schedule an appointment with a doctor because I figured at some point, I’d have to address this issue if I wanted to have sex again. Soon after, I wrote down “schedule doctor’s appointment” in my to-do list for the following day, and the next morning she asked me out.
I’ve already gotten a referral to go to a urologist and get this situation checked out, but I have a date with this girl tomorrow. I don’t have any expectations of it going past a kiss, but I understand that sex is a big part of a relationship and I don’t want to start taking it further and then just drop it on her that I won’t be able to have sex for a bit until this gets worked out. I really care about her and I’m worried that if I don’t mention this, she’ll feel like I led her on and be angry at me. I’ve had great conversations with her until this point and I really enjoy her company, and I’m just really worried that this is going to go to shit because of my fucked up dick. On a certain level, I feel selfish and stupid that I even said yes to her, but on another I’m just so attracted to her I couldn’t pass up on the opportunity.
Anyway, my main question is simply how should I approach this? Obviously if this was a first date where I’d never met the person I wouldn’t bring it up, but we already know each other quite well and it’s clear that she and I want to take things a step further. Would this be too much for me to bring up on the first date? Or would it be better if I mentioned it before I kiss her? Thanks everyone
TL;DR Going on a date with a friend I really like and wondering when I should bring up a medical issue I’m dealing with (likely Peyronie’s disease – I have a urology appointment scheduled to deal with it)
4 comments
I wouldn’t talk about my genitals on a first date. I’d say go to the doctor first, find out more information, and tell her before you get to the sex stage.
Get your dick fixed and focus on that sexual health. I wouldn’t bring it up on the first date, but at some point when it does come up (pun intended)….she should respect and value the fact you are taking care of yourself.
Simply establish yourself on the dating level first. Don’t rush into things for a few dates. Be intentional with your actions and show her you are interested (touching during conversation, leaving your phone out of sight,) and such. Heck even let her bring it up. “Wow, I had a great time last night. It got hot and steamy at one point after we kissed!” That can be a great Segway into “yeah, It was great! I look forward to being close to you again soon.” Next you see her in a private setting, talk to her. If she doesn’t understand, ITS NOT YOU. Trust me. I’ve had talks like this due to self confidence issues. Only to be told later “I’m a god,” or even from my ex as we were breaking up, “sex is unreal and amazing but we can’t have a relationship held together just by that.” Just talk to her but again let her fall for you. It’s not a bad thing and it’s healthy as she’ll see you for you vs an option.
You can tell her after you go to the doctor and know for sure!