Okay, a little background into our relationship. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and I thought everything in the relationship was great, I mean we even talk about marriage and having kids some day. He has met my parents and I his.
However, this morning while searching for some guidance on university work I clicked on a reddit link (I didn’t have a reddit account previous to this but it logged me into an account on my computer) I was confused so I clicked on the profile to check because sometimes I have accounts on websites that I don’t even remember. The first picture I saw on the profile was a nude of me (just wearing lingerie but was something I would not be comfortable for anyone but him to see) and then I saw that it was posted to a subreddit where guys apparently shared nudes of each others girlfriends on messaging apps but posted teasers on this subreddit to get people to exchange like some freaking pokemon cards. (Also I am certain it was his account because I remembered that he has his gmail on my laptop as well so google automatically logged me in)
I have no idea how to feel about this. It honestly felt like I was being crushed.
I woke him up immediately to ask him about this and he started to apologise saying he had only done this once or twice?? He said that the guys message him and he never sends another picture of me back. 40 messages he had of others girls nudes (consensual or not I have no idea but I image most are not)
Honestly I am sick to my stomach. Last time he did this was apparently because he was bored while away on a work trip.
I’m also going to add that I have been pretty clear when it comes to my boundaries so its not like he doesn’t know that looking at other girls nudes (consensual or not) is a big deal to me, even worse when hes exchanging mine for them.
I don’t know what to do or what to ask or how to proceed with this and any advice would be appreciated greatly please.
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TLDR: My boyfriend posted me on a wife pic share reddit, has apparently only done this a couple of times but had 40 images of other girls exchanged for my pic and I dont know what to do
27 comments
Where im from this could be illegal.
Its disgusting and I would be gone immediately and inform the police.
Its absolutely vile.
Lets also be clear. What youve caught is not all hes done.
Was your face included?
This is such a vile invasion of privacy, he’s basically pimped out your photo in some vile w*nk club.
In general I would advise never sending nudes, theres been so many horror stories around them and its a good test of a future bf tbh.
Ditch this one now and tell everyone you know why.
Never take him back no matter how much he promises to change. You can now never remove those pics from the internet.
Are you sure you don’t know what to do?
I’d personally feel disgusted with him, I am disgusted with boys who do this. I don’t find slugs attractive and I could not date one. Ofc it’s entirely up to you, but if you need a reason or encouragement to gtfo, here are your red flags, not only is he saving likely non consensual nudes of other women, he is sharing yours. Here, some more red flags, take them.
You do understand if he simply wanted nude or sexy pictures of women, they are available everywhere, for free. Including reddit. What he wanted was pictures of women who didn’t consent to this. My skin is crawling just writing this.
And, look, I’m not judging you and it isn’t an I told you so, but unless you are completely fine with a picture you take or let someone take being shared with the world, don’t take it. ‘Just this once, I’ll delete it right away’ my ass. Don’t do this to yourself. It’s not your fault this happened, but by now any woman should know what kind of world we live in so look out for yourself.
You can’t fix this, he used you and destroyed any trust that was there and any potential future trust. There is nothing you can do to fix this, nor should you. It doesn’t matter how many pictures he traded to obtain, he used you for his own purposes, he sent a private photos you sent him in trust to god knows how many weird men for his own sexual amusement, there is no defence he can use to justify it, all he can do is apologise, knowing you can’t forgive this, and move on with his life. He torched the relationship, staying with him will only hurt your mental health.
1.when he is sleeping go through his phone delate every nude he has of you
2. try to access his computer when he’s not around and search all the files that he has about you, delate the pics
3. and then dumb his ass
Dump his ass 🚩🚩🚩🚩
1. Get into his phone and delete every photo of you he has. Don’t care how you need to do that.
2. dump his ass. You do not want to date people who do this shit. They will hurt you in other ways.
3. be mindful of the types of pics you send. ( this is obviously not your fault and I’m not blaming you) but you can never be too careful. When sending nudes use something like Snapchat and keep your face/identifiable features (tattoos, birthmarks, etc) out of frame.
Some people can’t be trusted. Your boyfriend is one of them he’s shown you that.
This could potentially count as revenge porn in the eyes of the law. I’d recommend making a police report asap.
He sounds like he doesn’t have respect for you, or for women in general. No matter what, the truth always comes out and I’m sorry you had to find out this way. What he did is very illegal btw, so I would find out what sort of legal actions I could take against him. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you realize that you deserve better than this degrading individual. Now is the time to respect yourself since he didn’t have the capacity to do so himself. This isn’t your fault, be gentle on yourself, and love yourself through it. Blessed be.~
I won’t even let apple back up those kinds of photos I have of my wife because I’d hate for them to get leaked.
This is absolutely a horrible invasion of privacy at best but also very troubling and I hope you can follow other’s advice on removing any photos he has of you and then make him an ex.
Delete the posts, make him delete the nudes, break up.
Nudes are a big thing to me. I kind of refuse to take them just in case they could ever possibly get out. I’m glad I’ve taken this stance, since my ex husband 100% proved he would be that kind of malicious and my current boyfriend is not good with technology.
So I can only tell you what I would do. And that would be to go through boyfriends files, ensure that all nudes have been deleted, and then kick him to the curb. No matter what he has done in the past that made him a great boyfriend, to me, that would be erased.
This made my skin crawl. Why are you with this creep?
This is disgusting and probably illegal. Sorry but I would not let this slide, how can you trust this person again?
Do you mean you don’t know what to do before or after you break up with him and contact the police?
The part that gets me the most is “last time he did this”. Get out OP, he’s not sorry he did it, he’s sorry he got caught.
First of all you ask for his phone and delete any nude/lingerie you’ve ever sent him. Make sure to check the cloud and messenger apps. Everything. Ask him if he has the photos anywhere else.
Next NEVER send him a photo you won’t be comfortable with him posting on the internet. He has lost the privilege of getting those photos.
I personally don’t think I could ever trust the man after him violating you like that, but you have to make the decision whether you feel like he’s remorseful enough, understands the severity of what he’s done, and whether he appropriately reacts to you deleting all photos and that he’ll never get them again.
Treat this like an assault on your bodily autonomy. This, in kink space, would be an assertion of control over your body. You never consented to give him that. Moreover, there’s no guarantee that these other women gave their consent, or, if they have given consent, they might have done so with the belief that their images would be traded for images of other consenting women.
Your boyfriend is an ass for:
Using your body without your consent.
Deceiving someone else in a sexual context for his own benefit.
Trading non-consensual pictures for possibly consensual pictures.
Betraying your trust, damnit.
He sent naked photos of you because he was bored at work?
No. Just no.
There is literally NO excuse under the sun for this behavior.
Honestly? I’d contact an attorney to find out what my rights are and how to legally pursue this. He wants to spread nudes? Then there are legal troubles coming his way.
Seriously though – does he not realize not only how invasive this is, how disrespectful? But also the fact that these photos will always be out there now and will quite literally never go away?
This is immediate break up and press charges worthy as well as telling literally EVERYONE around you what he did. It’ll save other girls a world of hurt and trouble.
Call the police… let them sort it out.
“Ugh, those disgusting wife-sharing subreddits! I mean, there’s so many of them though! Which one?” Seriously dump his ass and report him to the police. Sounds like he broke some revenge porn laws.
If my boyfriend ever so much as showed a suggestive picture of me to someone I would dump him.
*” my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and I thought everything in the relationship was great”* ….. Sorry, but you obviously thought wrong. I know this was a shock to you, but the rest of your post reveals that your bf fully knew of your boundaries, both in his browsing nudes of other women, and of your attitude about the private nature of revealing shots of you that had been shared with him. I cannot imagine your embarrassment, not knowing how much further your pics have been shared online.
I know you thought that he would never betray you is such manner, and yes, it was a betrayal, as your boundaries had been clearly established beforehand.
I’m afraid his actions point to a character flaw of which you were unaware, and though it’s causing you pain, it’s good for you to discover this huge red flag now.
My advice? Betrayal has consequences, and the consequences he should face is the loss of the relationship he has with you. If he’s willing to compromise your private pics in the manner you described, how much else has he done when absent from you? If this isn’t a deal breaker, I cannot conceive of a more egregious offense, other than giving you an STD. Time to hit the “eject” button.
I wish you well.
I’m sorry, I’m sure this is really hard to reconcile with someone you thought you knew and have loved for 2 years. But take a step back here.
He knowingly shared photos of you without your consent, in your own words, like a photo of you vulnerable and naked was the equivalent of a pokemon trading card. He turned your body into an object and shared it with strangers on the internet.
He doesn’t respect you. He didn’t care about your feelings. he didn’t respect your privacy. Delete any other photos he has, look into legal recourse, and leave him.
I would have made a complaint with the police first, brought them back to the apartment and would have gotten him arrested! That’s how serious of a crime he has committed. It’s non consensual porn sharing of sorts! Go to police, make him regret this shit!
Call the cops wtf
This is exactly why I do not share or even take nudes even in a long term trusting relationship. This is a clear violation of your trust. How can you ever trust him again?
Get screenshots of everything and go to the police