How did you cope with an emotionally unavailable partner ?

8 comments

1. I left them. Trust me, you’ll save a lot of grief over someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

2. I left her and broke up through text and drove up to my childrens mothers house and stayed with the kids.

3. I left. Best thing I did! I wish I left sooner and didn’t keep trying to make it work. He was a doctor and it meant a lifetime of financial stability and not needing to work, but I decided emotional closeness in a relationship was more important to me than money. Plus I also luckily have a well-paying job. Ending that relationship helped me learn that my own happiness was more important than money. Later, I met my current SO, and I feel so blessed.

   If I could go back into the past, I would’ve told my past self that it’s ok to quit jobs I didn’t like, to quit studying majors I didn’t enjoy in school, and to quit a relationship that didn’t make me happy. If I could go back, I would’ve told my past self that I didn’t need permission to quit, but if I needed it, it’s ok to quit.

4. Strained myself to deal and accept it until I broke and left. Then he listened. But it was too late — like a shattered glass. You can glue it back together but who wants to drink out of it. Take care of you OP, unless he’s willing to investigate why he is closed up, I’m really sorry it it’s not likely things will change.

   You deserve an emotionally responsive SO. We all do. Take care.

5. Leaving was the best way to deal with him. He wasn’t changing and it was just keeping me from enjoying my life. The single life is way better than sticking with someone who is never going to meet your needs. I was lonelier with him than I am on my own.

6. I tried to figure it out, how to make it work. Found solace in friends. Eventually I was done and moved on. He was on to his next relationship by then: someone willing to have sex with him because she is thinking he is emotionally available to her, and someone not trying to run a house and finances with him. So much happier by myself.

7. It was really hard for me bc my partner (nonbinary) was going through a lot of shit at the time like physical and mental health issues, I was working full time, their mother was sick, their sister was in the process of a big move, etc etc. for the last couple of months, they just didn’t have the time or energy to see me. I went on a trip to Europe for 2 weeks, and it was over 2 months before I saw them in person. We had to break up bc they just weren’t available.

   We’re still friends, but it definitely hurt

8. You don’t cope with them, you leave them.

   I was one of those girls who thought ” I will fix him, it’s okay if he is unavailable right now, I will be there for him, and someday he will realise and change himself”

   Nothing changed. I kept trying, and after a point I was exhausted with all the unavailability. I gave up on the relationship realising, my sanity is more important than his unavailability for emotions. I was too much in love, and shut myself up after the break up, but I was happier. Way happier after the whole thing ended.