**TL;DR: I moved to a different country and I only get to see my boyfriend every two weeks, and now I’m frustratingly jealous and insecure when my boyfriend and best friend hang out really often. I don’t want to be the controlling girlfriend who tells her boyfriend that he can’t have female friends.**
I (22F) recently moved in with my boyfriend’s (22M) parents for my grad program while he finishes undergrad in another country. We finally found an apartment and we’re moving in together this December, but after January, there will be 4 more months of long distance.
We’ve been together for 6 months and were best friends for a year before that. I know that he misses me, and my remaining friends from my undergrad miss me a lot (the vast majority of us graduated and moved away), so I’m happy that my boyfriend is spending time with my friends because I know he has a hard time feeling connected with other people (and as it is, we call or facetime for at least an hour every night and see each other every two weeks, etc)
But I feel a little bothered because all of his friends are women, and he never seems to hang out with other men. But, in particular, he spends a LOT of time with one of my friends (I’ll call her Stacy). Stacy has walked away from a friendship because of a mutual friend’s girlfriend accusing her of having feelings for him, and I trust her and don’t want to push her away just because I’m feeling insecure. But it happened with my ex that he found Stacy incredibly attractive, he wouldn’t stop telling me about it, and asked me what I’d do if he slept with her (Stacy wasn’t interested and never gave him the opportunity, but the point is that I’m insecure because she IS beautiful and smart and I think I’m having some remaining insecurities and trust issues from my ex) which obviously caused us to break up.
He’s never given me a reason to doubt him, but for some reason, I always feel really annoyed when I ask him what he’s up to and he says something like “Me and Stacy got lunch, and now we’ve been studying together for the last 3 hours”. I really don’t want to create the atmosphere of making him feel like I don’t trust him just because I’m so insecure and uncomfortable with myself, and I especially don’t want to do that to Stacy either.
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Does anyone have any advice on how I can stop feeling so jealous and insecure?
1 comment
Therapy.
You have reasons to feel insecure, but they are not rooted in Stacy or your boyfriend’s actions. Therefore you need to work on yourself because your ex has broken your ability to trust and feel secure.