I’m dating this guy for 6 months now. I noticed he does nothing all day than only smoke weed with his friend daily. He believes investing can make him rich, but it is not a solid income and he agrees that he would need a job. He never went to school so he doesn’t have a degree which makes it harder for him to find a job. He complains about jobs all the time. He used to sell cars but said he hates sales and quit. Then he worked at a weed shop and didnt like it bcuz the boss did not care about working conditions. A week ago he got a job as door seller but he already quit bcuz he says he is getting a cold from walking outside the whole time. He complains all the time and im trying to give him solutions but his answer is “quitting the job is the solution”. I really worry how we are ever gonna sustain a family with children. He also doesn’t believe in studying and never plans to study. Ngl he is not the smartest and keeps making spelling and grammar mistakes in speech and on paper. His lifestyle is super unhealthy, he does nothing whole day than only smoking. Also he doesnt eat. He doesnt like onion and garlic and spits everything out when he does not like it, even in restaurants. So he also never tries new food. All foreign dishes he has never tried and only eats the same thing everyday. I wonder if his different lifestyle would affect our relationship. He loves me a lot and i like him too but his life and my life are so different.
A bit about myself: I’ve got a Master’s degree when i was 23 and have a full time job and live in my own apartment (im almost 25 now).
He is 24 and lives with his mom in a studio. Currently he has no income.
Should i continue this relationship even if i dont like his lifestyle?
Edit:
1. thanks for the responses. It’s pretty clear that I should end it. I talked with him about it, he wants to change he said. But words are not actions. I will give him 1 month to change and if not, i will have to break up.
2. People ask what i see in him. nope he is not super attractive nor super good in bed. I like his personality and he is really sweet to me. The things he does when he is not with me is what bothers me.
3. English is not my mother tongue. So i do make mistakes. He makes mistakes in his mother tongue, which is also my mother tongue. In high school he already failed his language classes. I’m not saying i’m so much better than him. I’m trying to say he can learn so much more but doesn’t do it enough.
45 comments
No. I would end it.
fuck no. he isn’t gonna change. everything you’re describing here are red flags. i also get the feeling you aren’t entirely into him, as you said “he loves me a lot and i like him too.” (love =/= like). usually at 6 months you’re still in the honeymoon phase where everything is sunshine and roses, so it’s alarming that there are so many problems already. it WILL get worse from here, no doubt about it. think about your life 2 years from now where he still can’t hold down a job because each one is “uncomfy.” he honestly sounds like a slob and i can’t imagine being around someone like that.
I always wonder how people like this afford to live, is he a good investor? Does he live with his parents? I work full time and still struggle bro and I live with my parents
People rarely Change. He will likely be exactly the same in 10 years. If you’re not ok with him exactly how he is now it’s l time to do you both a favor and move on.
He sounds completely useless and gross. You can do such better!
You can’t change him so, really, the question is can you live with this for the rest of your life. If yes, then fine, but no complaining, you know how he is. If not, don’t waste anymore time and go. You can control only yourself.
he smokes weed on the daily, believes investing will magically solve all his financial problems, can’t find a steady job and he doesn’t have any table manners.
Sounds like a child, plain and simple. You’re 24 and want to start a family with a guy you’ve been dating for 6 months. He must have had some other good qualities, if that’s the case, but I don’t believe you should hold out for someone who’s not working towards something with you.
Try putting down an ultimatum of reasonable changes that he can make, like finding a job with his talents(hopefully not selling and smoking weed on the daily).
And you’re with this guy exactly why??
I would love to hear how this relationship came to he in the first place.
Does his dick dance? What does he bring to this relationship?
Babe– you’re the whole package. Stop settling
Treat yourself like you’re a Jimmy Choo, not a croc.
You can literally go to the store and reach out and touch like 50 of this exact same dude. Break up with him. I can smell him from here.
If he was 37 and living in his dad’s basement I would think you were talking about my brother.
I would end it. Unless he makes a drastic change, this is probably how it’s going to continue to be. My ex had issues keeping jobs and about the time he got his shit to straighten out. I had already checked out of the relationship (there were a lot of others reasons for it but the unstable jobs didn’t help).
Girl WHAT
You didn’t mention one good trait he has and you are asking if you should continue dating him?¿?
You don’t need anyone else to confirm what you already seem to know!
You can’t change someone. They need to want to change.
This isn’t a “lifestyle” so much as a personality.
You obviously have ambition and work ethic. It sounds like he has neither. For a relationship to work, you have to have shared values. That goes beyond faith/politics to how you plan to live your life.
Currently he’s being enabled to live this way. My uncle stayed that way into his 50s. He won’t change until he’s forced to change, and even then, it may be minimal.
He must be packing or something cause idk how I’d end up in a relationship with someone like that to begin with
Lol this isn’t the type of man you want to have kids with. If you’re super attractive and aren’t average, you can do a lot better than him. Leave if you can afford to
I would end it, I mean doesn’t sound like you have a bf sounds like you have a child
This guy is remarkably immature ,I would move on quickly rather than wait around and support him and hope / pray he becomes an adult at some point . Trying to change a partners behavior rarely works
I read half way and asked myself wtf is this and this shitty person thats being described? Excuse me you need to just run from him cuz thats a big no…thats a person that likes beinh lazy and even being lazy is annoying to that person…
Those types of people dont change WONT change and dont want to. Your basically taking care of a kid with extra steps 😂 you can totally do better so please do
(He LOVES me a lot ) and I LIKE him too There you have it
If all he do is smoke and lay pipe, you’re dating a barbecue pit
Why are you still with this loser?
People have this misconception that money is not important and anyone who gives importance to money is materialistic. No.
Coming from a financially struggling family, people should know that money has a lot of emotions attached it purely because of how important money is to even survive and how difficult it is to earn it.
You can’t just smoke pot all day (I do too) and do NOTHING to improve your financial strength on a day to day basis. It is important to run and sustain a family. Even if you don’t have a family, you need money to sustain yourself.
By not earning money or improving your potential to earn money, you are distressing every other person in your life and giving them more work just because you don’t want to work. In this case, the boyfriend is being dependant on his mother for now. I’m assuming she’s a single mother because there’s no mention of a father. It is so hard to earn money, pay rent, groceries, electricity, miscellaneous expenditure and the mother has to do it for a perfectly capable healthy son who can easily share her workload if he just tried. You know what that leads to? Resentment. You’ll break your relationship with your mother because she goes through twice the effort, labour and mental agony to make sure his dumbass is fed, has a roof over his head and is able to smoke weed the entire day. But mothers have a certain higher threshold to look after their son.
It’s not the same for a wife or a girlfriend. If his partner (you) have to go through so much struggle, effort, labour, mental agony, take shit from bosses to help him keep his lifestyle, while he does absolutely nothing? I can guarantee you, the partner will hate and resent him and the relationship will go to shit. Sometimes, omission is commission. Omitting to do your duty is committing an act of injustice and betrayal to your partner because your partner will inevitably have to take on your workload too.
Agreed, there are going to be phases where your partner has to take control entirely and vice versa. That’s completely normal. But the lack of effort is the biggest problem here. Your 20s is the prime of your life and will most probably determine how your life turns out eventually. If there’s a complete lack of effort without a justifiable reason, there is no point in continuing the relationship. No amount of love and being “nice” can make up for this lack of effort. The love will 100% fade away. Even if it doesn’t, love is not the only thing that can sustain a relationship. It takes companionship, empathy, support and a lot of fucking will to sustain a relationship.
This lack of effort will directly cause more agony to you (unless you have generational wealth or extremely rich that u can sustain both). This WILL lead to hate and resentment. His lack in duty directly will result in more duties for you. A relationship is always 50-50 on an average. If it’s one sided, it can only lead to disaster.
Communicate your feelings to him. If he isnt willing to change, he’s definitely not worth your time or effort. People should understand that extra money means a nice dinner, a nice house etc., Lack of money means pain, agony and depression. You do not want a partner who wouldn’t share the load with you.
I dated a guy like this when I was your age. He was dependent financially on both his parents and me, as I had met him in college and moved in with him when I found my first full time job. I was with him for 4 years after we moved in together. He never changed. Complained about no one hiring, quit the jobs he did get, didn’t smoke weed to my knowledge but did play video games all the time. He was a really nice guy, but the stress of being the responsible adult in our relationship broke me. It felt like we were playing house. Some women have husbands like this, and they like playing a mother role. I am not one of those women. One day, I decided I needed a game plan from him. All these issues I had brought up repeatedly and had tried to help with the job thing. No change. He couldn’t give me a business plan, as I called it, for getting his life together. He actually yelled at me and said maybe we should just break up (he had gotten very manipulative at that point in the relationship), and I said sure. Best decision ever. I wish I would have ended the relationship when I began questioning if I should stay with him when I realized we were not growing together. Hope my life story helps.
There is a scientific term for a man like this: he is called a LOSER. Move on without a thought. Sorry it lasted six months.
This guy is an absolute loser and ngl I’m judging you for taking 6 months to question it.
You could see if he could change, and if he really wants to he will. But it sounds like a lot already and I would end it personally. Like, bit of a man child ngl. Nothing wrong with weed or not knowing what you want to do. But they sound like they define him.
Plus even if you hate a job, you should hold on until you get your next unless your really can’t take the conditions. I had a few years where I was like him when I was 20-22. Weed masked my feelings and prevented me from making any solid choice about a path in life. Still worked a job I hated though.
Spitting out food sounds immature. Fine if he doesn’t like a certain food though. I wouldn’t equate spelling and grammer errors to intelligence. Depending how bad they are though. Went to school for STEM and know lots of very smart people who still make spelling mistakes. I know I do. Once you reach an older age they become more habbit and harder to correct. You don’t need to go to college to be successful, but usually that means going into the trades or finding something you can learn on the job that has an upward path.
Lots don’t know what course they want to do. Lots have great career paths, some have none. But some people like to shit on college as a whole like there is no such thing as doctors, scientists, accountants, business degrees, etc. I can only speak for my country though. Our college costs 1/5th of the US prettymuch.
If it was me, I would see if there was potential to change and by how much. Then I would leave.
Is this even a real post? This guy sucks so much it’s hard to believes.
You literally don’t like him 😂 Ur just emotionally attached at this point . How did you two even start dating ?
This gotta be a troll post. You’ve a master degree, got your life together and you’re dating a “failure to launch” or “future homeless”. Are you in it for the looks? Is he well endowed? or he really like small animals? I am not sensing any redeeming quality here
Girl you just listed so many red flags and you’re asking us if you should stay with him??
Hell no, all the red flags and he is a bum. Don’t walk RUN!
Girl wtf, why are you messing with him?
When I read posts like this I just assume the other party is very attractive and good in bed. Only excuse.
I’ll just add one thing, it’s very possible and not really that hard to get a good job without a degree. He just has no work ethic…this won’t change…move on.
🤣😂
This post must be a joke!!
If you got a master, owns your place…
You should have the answer of it.
Should I tell her or would someone else like to do the honors?
find someone who enriches your life and challenges you. not anchors you down. end it, feel sad for a bit, then go be the shooting star you are.
Please let yourself move on. I was in a similar situation. My ex and I had very different lifestyles and income situations. She was part time retail with no indication of wanting to advance or find a full time position. She liked to go out and party, go clubbing, go out to eat a lot. I enjoy those things too, once in a while, not 3 times a week. I also have a full time career at a hospital making close to six figures. I told myself I really liked her and it’s fine. We have good times together and we vibe. Well…a year and a half later I started to resent it. I paid for most things. Because we didn’t live together we didn’t have to experience disagreements with literal living styles. We argued a lot about how she should have a full time job because I’m tired of paying for everything when we go out to eat or hang out with friends. It would be nice if I didn’t have to expect to feed two mouths when I am the only one with an income. Her income went into all her debts and high insurance. Yeah I ended up leaving and found someone more ambitious and makes just as much money as I do in a sustainable career field. I feel much better and less stressed.
TLDR; you’ll probably resent him and having a family with someone that flakey is a recipe for disaster.
Edit: my situation was similar but yours is a lot worse. He’s living with his mom in a tiny studio…eventually where will he live if you continue this? With you? Where you’d probably have to cook and clean up after him? Until he’s grown up and has a place of his own with a stable job…nobody can change him but himself.
Dick game must be insane.
Is this a joke lol. What even..break up.
As a girl I can tell you, you are well past the honeymoon phase, that shit lasts 3-4 months tops! With that being said you are seeing things clearly now that you’re no longer blinded by love. To put it mildly this guy is a loser and has nothing going for him and you’re trying to build a future for yourself. If I had to guess I would say the only reason you’re with him is due to insecurity and honestly I can understand bc I been there too but looking back it’s more of a hassle lowering your standards to attract anyone than just working on yourself and your confidence. I hope I am wrong but either way dump this guy, and focus on you.
Unless he makes you happy enough for you to pay for both of you , i’d quit 😀 That almost sounded like a housewife discription , but then again you said he lazy in home , so he does not cover the basic of housewife 😀
Are you serious? Some lowlife addict and you’re trying to change him?