My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years (both 20). Love him to bits. Within the past 3/4 months though I feel like his priorities have drastically changed. He no longer seems to enjoy hanging out with me and after being confronted about me feeling that way he said he does but feels like what we do is “boring.” I replied “well why don’t you suggest what we do ever? I just like being around you and spending time with you.”
Pretty much he sees his guy friends every single day. They do everything together. Gym, make food, hangout, do nothing, go out, what have you. And it’s not longer that happening with me and him. I don’t feel prioritized at all. He will see me 3 times a week at best but it’s always “after he sees so and so.” Or always fudged in at the end of the day. I don’t understand: I thought if you were in a relationship with someone they should be your best friend? Obviously not hangout with ALL the time but like you’d think he’d look forward to seeing me and want to do “nothing” with me but instead he wants to do “nothing” with his guy friends???
He said he will try to make more of an effort in our plans but I’m starting to doubt this. I don’t understand why he’s changed.
TL:DR; boyfriend had sudden change in priorities. Rather hangout with guy friends than me.
4 comments
You have started trying to see if this can be fixed in the right way, and that is good. You have discussed this with him, and have some idea of the problem. Now he has said he will try to make more of an effort in our plans, which is a good start to a conversation. Now, you need to ask him what specifically he will try and what his goals are – what he would view as successfully managing to fix this problem between you two. Just saying “I’ll try” rarely gets anything done. People need specific plans of what they will do – what trying means – and how they will tell if it is working or whether it is not and they need to try something else. So, talk to him about it and ask him to give you those details.
Sadly, it would not be surprising if you two have simply grown apart and this relationship has fizzled out. A lot of relationships do fizzle out. But it’s worth seeing if it can be fixed before giving up on it.
Spend time with your own friends. Don’t be available to him all the time. It will either shake him up or show you what he really thinks of you. Either way you will know.
He is obviously losing interest in you now. Why even bother? Tell him Bye Guy and move on. You are being made to look like a fool in which him and his buds probably laugh over. He is a loser.
Long term relationships definitely have ups and downs like this. Make plans to do something special with him. The honeymoon is over and both people have to start putting in effort.
I feel like thats the part people don’t talk about enough – after the puppy love stage, keeping it going requires being intentional and thoughtful. It gets harder, not easier!
It’s definitely worth it, as long as you both are trying. Give you and him some grace, you’re figuring it all out for the first time. Do your part, see if he can reciprocate. Talk about it, sure, but actions speak louder. He’s interested in new experiences from new personalities, so go outside your comfort zone/habitual space to bring something new out in yourself.
Its not all on you to make the relationship work – I hope you don’t take that away from what I’m saying. This is what is in your power to do about it. It’s still on him to do the same.