Over the weekend, I had to go to the ER for losing weight and malnutrition/dehydration, and it was incredibly scary. I live in a state where I have to treat the symptoms despite the difficulty of the pregnancy, and luckily, my baby and I are okay. I was released after a drip/tube and some check-ups, and I was very hungry and craving some of my food that doesn’t cause me much nausea.

My husband (married for 3 years, together for 12) texted me, asking if he could pick up some food on the way home so I could have something soothing to eat, and I said yes. He asked me what I would like, and I said some chicken pho, since I have been eating a LOT of bone broth and pho chicken. The flavors are soothing and not too harsh on my sense of smell and stomach, so I can normally eat them without immediately vomiting. He agreed, and said he was looking forward to shrimp summer rolls as well. My husband knows that soups are much easier for me, however when I came home, there was no pho, Instead, there was a cornucopia of Taco Bell on the table.

Almost immediately, I ran to the sink and vomited, and my husband came up from the table. He asked me what happened in the hospital and why it wasn’t helping nausea. I tried to explain to him that the fast food smell was what triggered it. He started getting upset and asked while I was being ungrateful, he wanted to get me food that would make me gain weight. He accused me of purposefully trying to lose weight with “healthier foods”, and I decided to leave. I went back out and got myself some bone broth, and when I came back, the food bags + leftovers were put into the trash in the kitchen, instead of the trash in the garage (which I had asked him to do when I left).

This is not the first time this has happened. About a week ago, I was having a panic attack because I am emetophobic, and this is obviously triggered by my HG. He said that he deserves a husband stitch after my labor for all he has to put up with.

I am so tired of being ignored and treated like I am crazy. I’ve tried to communicate this but it keeps on happening. The panic attacks are only getting worse because of the stress, and I feel like I genuinely am going crazy. How can I show him that this is not helping?

tl;dr: I had to go to the ER for my HG and instead of coming home to the food my husband offered to pick up, he brought home some high-calorie foods that caused me to vomit, so I walked out. This ensued a fight.

35 comments

  2. If you weren’t already considering leaving him over his awful treatment of your pregnancy symptoms, the comment about a husband stitch should be the nail in that coffin.

  3. People show their true colors when they are put under a lot of stress. It sounds like to me he is trying to push you just hard enough to drive you crazy while being able to claim innocence. It’s gaslighting. He is doing things wrong on purpose and then blaming you for it and trying to make you feel like you are the crazy one.

    I’d be looking at trying to at the very least take a small break away from each other. Do you have parents or siblings you can stay with for a few weeks? For the health of you and your baby you need to remove yourself from the toxic situation. It will also give him time to breathe and reassess the future mother of his children

  5. I think that most people will tell you it’s time to leave. If you’re not ready, maybe go stay with your parents or a friend for a week or two. Him adding stress to the pregnancy makes it MORE high risk

  7. Ending a relationship over this seems a little extreme. Pregnancy and the first year with a baby are the hardest on marriages. If you feel like your husband isn’t taking you seriously I would suggest couples counseling. The husband stitch comment is concerning I’d hope it was just a joke. It definitely sounds like he isn’t taking you seriously. If it is so stressful you are concerned for the safety of you and your baby remove yourself. If even temporarily.

  8. Wtf – Taco Bell to gain weight? That will make you push it all out the back rather than the front end. Greasy food is so much more harmful during pregnancy; especially the high salt content.

    Your husband is being a jackass and his attitude in how he cares for you now sets the tone for how he will continue to treat (and sounds like control) you. Focus on taking care of yourself and your baby, but I would reflect on how he’s treating you and you can actually have a conversation about it where he respects your feelings. Otherwise you don’t deserve to have your feelings and pain dismissed.

    Also husband stitch? Keep him out of your delivery room. I’ve heard horror stories of husbands asking docs to add an extra stitch at the expense of their wives health.

  9. Im sorry you’re going through this. I read your reply where you said you’ll stay with your sister. Take care and take the time to think about your relationship with someone who is treating you this badly at a time you need him the most.

  10. OP you are very young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Please don’t choose to spend it with someone who is this horrible to you. This isn’t a “rough patch”, he’s showing you who he is. Believe him.

    Reddit is very quick to tell people to leave, but that’s because people often make posts where their partner is behaving absolutely unacceptably. This is one of those posts. Don’t raise your child thinking this is ok in a relationship. Whatever might be going on with him, does NOT make it ok to subject you to this kind of treatment. Please leave, for the sake of you and your baby.

  11. I learned a term on Reddit the other day for this type of behaviour in another post.

    It starts small, you almost don’t notice it.. just little things that bother you and seem inconsiderate but you can’t complain about them because it’s almost seems stupid to complain and other people don’t get it. Over time these things continue and also get worse and more things get added into the mix and makes you feel like you’re going crazy.

    [Weaponised Incompetence.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/ys7fe6/today_i_learned_what_weaponised_incompetence_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

    I’ll see if I can find the post for you.

    Edit: found it and added the link.

    OP don’t spend 15 years like I did putting up with this bullshit.. it’ll literally drive you into depression.

  12. It’s alarming that you were so sick that you had to get a drip and he is acting like he is the one suffering. If there is any way to stay somewhere else for a month or two (like a parents home) I would consider it, he is just causing more stress.

  14. I had HG while I was pregnant. And I really hate to say this was the start of the emotional abuse that eventually made me leave my ex. It starts with little means of control and you accept it because you are hormonal and he convinces you are over reacting. It slowly builds.

    I am not saying that you should leave, but it does sound like you need a few days to yourself to think about his reactions here. Find a good sounding board, someone who will not whip you into anger but will talk you through your feelings honesty and with compassion. He may need to do the same thing because if he is the good man you believe him to be, he could be dealing with feelings he doesn’t know how to express about pregnancy and his fear for your safety. Some time alone might help he discover those things, and maybe learn to express them in a more helpful manner.

    But, if this is not the case, now is the time to start working on your exit plan. Many people think it is as easy as starting the car and driving away from your abuser, but it isn’t. It takes planning and time to retain your brain into knowing that it is abuse that you are experiencing.

    Good luck on your journey.

  15. OP, I know it’s hard at your stage to handle all this stuff by yourself and getting ignored at the same time. Go to counseling and try to listen to each other with good heart. This is just a phase and will pass as you both might be overwhelmed with pregnancy and work-load

  16. Dudette, husband stitch is the deal breaker. Only a certain kind of man would even know about that or suggest it 🙁 you need to stay with family or something

  17. You have been together for 12 years since you were young… This man is not mature. To make the comments he did is utterly selfish and cruel. It shows a complete lack of understanding and empathy for what you’re going through. Is this the level of support you want in your life partner/role model for your kids? If literally everything else in the relationship is perfect then maybe you could consider sticking around and trying to “teach” him to consider your feelings more.

    If you choose to stick around you should be realistic about what that will look like. I can guarantee that adulthood (and parenthood) only brings newer challenges. You should consider that there will be more hurt in store for you as he learns to treat you better because people do not change overnight. But couple’s counseling is a good step. Worst case scenario, if he does not work on being better, you grind out several more years of your youth as he continually hurts your feelings and disappoints you with his behavior, and your kids grow up and watch the unhealthy dynamic unfold as your resentment toward him continues to grow. Be prepared to stick it out. Are you emotionally capable of that?

  18. While I do agree he is being selfish and rather dense, I don’t think this incident alone is a reason to leave a 12 year relationship. He sounds like he just doesn’t understand what you are going through. Can you sit him down with your doctor and have him/her explain the medical issues you’re going through and what is recommended to alleviate them? I’m sure Taco Bell is not on that list…

  19. Didn’t you post about this same ish two weeks ago?? You made the exact same post verbatim. And then you said you were staying at your sisters for the time being.

  20. I read your update from the post about the “joke” your husband told the other week. How did couples counseling go? Has that happened yet? I am so sorry you are with someone so seemingly cruel, selfish, heartless… so many negatives. I’m sorry that you don’t have the support you need right now. This is definitely something you should bring up with your therapist when you see them next!

  22. *He said that he deserves a husband stitch after my labor for all he has to put up with.*

    Your husband is a jerkass.

  24. He is reacting really poorly to his emotions and it’s not acceptable adult behavior. But his concerns are probably very real and he is just not able to express them. If you have been emotionally volatile, he might be afraid to set you off. He might feel like he failed to do something right. These are valid emotions to have early in a pregnancy. It’s uncharted territory for both of you. His joke was hurtful and that is unacceptable. In general, the way he is handling himself is causing you to suffer. I agree with everyone telling you to go somewhere safe. Prioritize what changes you need to see before you’ll come home. Sulking, taking a sharp tone, and blaming you for being ill are choices he is making rather than addressing his own feelings, fears, and worries.

    It really doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong right now. It matters that you get somewhere where you can feel safe and be healthy. If he can demonstrate your home is a safe and healthy place to be, then you go home.

  25. > He said that he deserves a husband stitch after my labor for all he has to put up with.

    Oh. My. God. That is a monstrously disgusting thing to say. The “husband stitch” is an operation that harms the pregnant person permanently, making sex extra painful, and he is joking about how he should get to do that to your body???????? This guy is making me nauseous.

  26. >He said that he deserves a husband stitch after my labor for all he has to put up with.

    Personally I’d leave him just for this comment alone and not let him near the hospital when I’m giving birth. Make sure you speak to your doctors to make certain they don’t listen to any orders from him.

  27. You need to assign a medical power of attorney and make it clear to all your health providers not to take instructions from your husband.

    He intends to have you mutilated to punish you for not liking Taco Bell. He can’t be allowed to make decisions for you when you’re incapacitated.

    Please find someone safe. This relationship isn’t.

  28. The husband stitch is the thing where the doctor puts in extra stitches to make the woman “tighter” after birth, right..? What?
    He sounds like a complete asshole and I’m very sorry you have to deal with his nonsense on top of your pregnancy.

  29. My stepmom had HG and she was hospitalized more than once. We would make whatever she wanted whenever she felt like it because we wanted her to be nourished and hydrated, which meant homemade fried rice, buttered noodles and watermelon. NO ONE ever complained. NTA at all ever.

  33. I’d rather be a single mother than be with a guy who was willing to basically do FGM on me. I wouldn’t be able to trust him at all now.

    Btw I am emetophobic and have Crohns, I full get the food smell trigger thing. Sympathy and gentle hugs xx

  34. It’s very important that you tell the doctors beforehand that they shouldn’t listen to anything he tells them to do or have a third person with them that you trust like your mother. Joking about the husband stitch while you’re pregnant is so I’ll, be super careful with this dude and I’d say don’t let him in the labour room but you probably will so take a third person with you that you trust and tell the doctors before that they listen to you and you only.

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