Comparison, envy, and jealousy are ruining my life. I am starting to realize how I am uncontrollably and constantly comparing myself to others. Particularly in a financial aspect. I feel behind a lot of my peers in their 30s due to the scenic route I took through college. I had some unhealthy habits and unprocessed trauma that had me making some stupid choices, but I have since righted that ship.
I am a nurse now and I do ok, but I have a lot of student loans left. Little to no retirement. I live in a decent apartment and have a reliable car, but nothing special. I’m continuing to do what I can to improve my life in every facet, but I still find that I am sabotaging any bit of happiness I find due to these feelings of envy or jealousy. I feel so behind.
Have you dealt with this? How does a guy overcome this? Is it something that just goes away as one ages or is there actually a way to cure it? I don’t want to compare myself to every friend that makes more money, has a nicer house, travels much more, works less, etc etc etc. I just want to be happy with what I have and enjoy the present moment.
5 comments
Hey mate
Simple answer is to practice gratefulness
Less simple is that it’ll take time to shift mindset. It’s easy to look at what others have and you don’t. It’s harder to look at it again and appreciate what you’ve got for where you are and at. Reality is someone is always gonna be luckier or doing it better. But them’s the cards. Nobody else has walked in your shoes, so take pride for how you’ve made it so far. Thank past you for walking to where you are now. The future is yours to make. Let go of comparison. It’s a habit. Be intentional with your thinking. It’s all practice. And it’s so very worth it to put down the burden of expectation. Small steps.
Comparing yourself to others is a guaranteed ticket to unhappiness because there’s literally no winning. The instant you “surpass” someone you were previously envious of, you will recalibrate your new standards and become envious of someone at an even higher level of “success” while gaining no satisfaction over being “superior” to the previous person.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
“The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they make the best of everything”
Within the past few years, I reached a place where I felt like I hit rock bottom in my life. From feeling so close to my dreams one year; and dealing with crippling anxiety the next. This was happening while my close friend ended up taking the opportunities that I could’ve taken at one point and traveling the world. It was hard not to be bitter, jealous and mad.
However, for the sake of my own well-being I decided to focus purely on my own well-being. I began working out everyday, meditating, reading, and placing focus on myself. After having dealt with ongoing crippling anxiety, I can now be grateful just to be able to live a simple day with a peace of mind doing what I truly enjoy. Once you are happy with yourself, you stop seeking approval/comparison from others. You also naturally start becoming happy for other peoples happiness as well.
Also ironically, I received a call from that friend recently. From an outside perspective it looked like he was living the dream, but he began venting to me how he feels like such a loser compared to the people around him. I had to assure him that he is doing great. Although from my perspective it looked like he was living a dream life, comparison was stealing his ability to truly enjoy it.
Are your friends/peers maliciously rubbing their relative success in your face? No? If they don’t make a big deal of it, why should you?
Maybe they sell real estate or own a shop, but you keep people from dying, which is pretty cool. I have a few very successful friends who are jealous of me because I can see my family and not look at work email on the weekends.
By all means, if you are unsatisfied with your quality of life, make the changes, do the work, be the best you can be. But unless they’re robbing you, their success and material comfort has nothing to do with yours. Jealousy is a burden you give yourself, nobody else. You can drop that burden.
Simple.
Distract yourself with productive tasks.