I came from a very rough upbringing. Well into my adult years I was with individuals that preferred to act in bad faith. Which left me at odds with my peer group. Where it was normal to be big scary demanding and threatening. Now that I’m integrating into normal society. Said skill set is no longer applicable.
I can be reactive so that complicates things. How do you advocate for your needs without veiled threats yelling and aggressive posturing? Previously the individuals that I dealt with only responded to crisis situations. So me and my peers tended to create them in order to get our needs addressed.
As I continue to succeed my stress reactions becomes increasingly problematic. I am in gray area we are not quite a monster but not quite a decent human. Other than therapy how do I continue to be less scary?
1 comment
oh i get it, i think i used to be like that too a little bit. i guess my advice is to first getting used to talk in a calmer tone and smaller volume you’re comfortable with. then maybe take a look at your surrounding first, observe the faces and be aware of everything before you engage in a convo. overral, it’s like dancing or exercising, you are aware of what muscles you’re pulling (or in this case what and how you say things) to a habit you’re comfortable with. remember that you are not actually aggressive or demanding, so you just need to communicate that intention in ways other people will understand.
it’s kind of tough at first and stressing over it, self hatred and insecurities will get you nowhere. over time it’s basic social skill to realize that we can’t read other people’s minds and they can’t read ours. talking and using words isn’t the perfect means of communication but it’s the most important tool we have right now. hope this helps. good luck!