Divorce

15 comments

1. Def an attorney first

   Protect yourself and your kids

   Then go see a therapist

2. Talk to a lawyer, therapy only works if you’re open to it and she’s not.

3. Perhaps you might get better advice if you actually share the rest of the story.

4. Attorney first thing in the a.m.

   Everything else you can do next.

5. A year ago you were miserable and not wanting to be married. But it’s a surprise now? Are you both still dealing with alcohol issues? Hard to get a clear picture of your relationship issues if she and/or you are having to deal with addiction.

6. We have equity in our home but filed bankruptcy 3 years ago. So that is going to fuck everything up and make it really shitty

7. There are a few different views on separation; but to me if they file for separation then immediately expect an order to be filed for support (you said you are the earner); they will want you to pay for their rent, expenses, meals and drinks while they go out and “live it up” with other men/women to find themselves. “I’m not happy” is a common war cry as they get ready for a night at the bars.

   For me that is a show stopper. I would immediately get a lawyer and file for divorce; depending on your state laws that can give you some advantage in the situation.

   Talk to a lawyer immediately and fight fire with fire. They have decided to line up against you; you cannot be the voice of reason with someone who has opted to be your enemy and go after your work product for their personal gain (and it is going to happen). Many separating spouses see nothing wrong that you have to continue to support them while they are betraying you on a daily basis…and unfortunately the law thinks this as well.

   Get a lawyer…do what they say; don’t listen to the “well I am just trying this out to see if I want to come home”.

8. Speak to an attorney.

9. Yeah, I’ll speak to a lawyer tomorrow. I got a recommendation for one that does free consultations. Do they mostly do free consultations?

10. Keep in mind, if she’s not willing to work on the relationship, you alone can’t make it work. Take care of yourself. See an attorney. Then a therapist, should you need one.

11. Talk to an attorney first. Books session with therapist for your issues (don’t tell me you don’t have issues). Get finances in line. Don’t be angry just accept. Go to gym and release anger there by pumping iron.

    Once that is sorted, work towards a civil be distanced relationship with your ex.

    If both of you are willing to work on each other maybe in the future there is a way back. That is a big if.

12. Schedule both and they will naturally deconflict. You need good advice from the attorney and your therapist will help you cope emotionally. It is a rough road but millions of others have made the journey and survived. Whatever you do, agree to not bad mouthing the other in front of the children. No one wins when that happens.

13. It’s too late for counseling. She has already decided she’s done.

    Counseling is most effective at PREVENTING issues, it becomes less and less effective the more and more problems become apparent.

    I would talk to a lawyer.

14. Best bit of advice j can give you is start depleting the savings and start hiding cash where nk one else knows for after the divorce?

15. Set up a Guardian Adlitem for your children.

    Then:
    Put money specifically into a bank account that you and the other parent of the children both have access to, and ensure that your children continue to have their mental, hygienic, social, nutrition, education, and athletic needs met with no disruption or change.

    Continue to ensure the mortgage, utilities, and health insurance needs continue to be paid from the marital bank account.

    Then:
    Figure things out with an attorney.

    But don’t let your kids get fucked over while the adults are doing whatever their attorney encourages them to do.