Let’s say your childhood best friend is a girl. She is nothing more. You enjoy her company. Do you suddenly feel guilty or as if you are not supposed to hang out with her now that you have a gf?

What about if she starts dating? Do you feel like you have to tread slowly to not offend her bf?

18 comments

  3. Given that I’m in a non-monogamous relationship, the first answer is probably obvious: No, it’s not an issue even if I wanted to sleep with her.

    As for her potential boyfriend: That’s not my problem, but one that’s between the two of them. If my friend asks me to change something about our dynamic, I would of course oblige.

  4. Lol

    My 2 roommates are women, 1 of whom is my best friend

    My gf loves em and they love her with no jealously or weirdness because we’re adults

  5. i dont do monogamy so this is not an issue.

    >What about if she starts dating? Do you feel like you have to tread slowly to not offend her bf?

    idgaf, she is not his property.

  6. I’m surprised responses have been so liberal tbh! Everyone is in a polyamorous relationship or their partner is very chilled

    Look around though, does your dad have female best friends? Does your mom have male best friends? I highly doubt it.

    From a man’s perspective, I think you can end up feeling less inclined to hang out with your female friends if your partner is insecure. From that insecurity, comes lots of emotions: anger, jealousy, frustration, upset…all emotions that you don’t want your partner to have. So to stop that, you avoid seeing or even communicating with your friend just so that your partner is ‘happy’.

    This happens time and time again and happened to me and I lost so many friends it’s quite upsetting really as it happens to so many. If you’re young, and you have a female friend, don’t lose a friendship for a relationship and don’t be pressured into losing that friendship by your partner through what is control by emotions. The emotions may be warranted from past experiences and you should be mindful of that and perhaps make accommodations. HOWEVER, you are not your partners past experiences and you shouldn’t sacrifice other relationships for the complete comfort of her if it in the process will make you resent her.

  7. Never felt guilty about it and never had a woman tell me who I can or cannot spend my time with. If I was dating someone who had a problem with my friends I’d probably ignore her thoughts and just go behind her back.

    I have three close women friends. One is from work and is 5 years older than me. We were friends before her husband entered the picture, but have never hung out 1 on 1 outside of coffee or lunch during the workday. The second is my former secretary who moved. Her husband likes me and has no problem with me taking her out to dinner (he’s always invited as well) when I’m near their home. The third has been one of my best friends since I was 14. We went to boarding school together and would talk all the time about all sorts of things, but never were more than friends. I don’t really know what her various boyfriends have thought of me as I’ve never met any and she never tells me about them. Honestly, there is a good chance most of these guys don’t know about me either as it always seems the boyfriend is not around when she calls me. I could kind of understand why she wouldn’t tell them about me though as it may be tough to broach the fact she has a rich, handsome guy who flies her to various cities to hang out for a weekend once or twice a year and schedules multi-hour phone calls with her to talk about books, philosophy, and himself.

    The only bad experience I’ve had was a guy saying my high school girlfriend (who I hadn’t seen in 7 years) was not allowed to meet me for dinner when I was in town. It may not matter, but she was actually the one who reached out to me first. I think it was a pansy move on his part not to let us meet up, but I also know a lot of my friends would have done the same thing and, frankly, he was correct that she still had feelings for me and, looking back, she probably was thinking about breaking up with him when she first reached out to me as they broke up 3 weeks later.

  8. Nope. I have loads of female friends. My wife started off as one of them. I’d never cut off a friend because of somebody else’s insecurity.

  9. I don’t hang out with my female friend per se since she lives on the other side of the continent, but my wife couldn’t care less. I was raised with the traditionalist mindset that a married man has no business interacting non- professionally with other women, so yeah, I feel a bit awkward sometimes. But I’m working on it.

    As for my friend’s boyfriend, he doesn’t seem to mind that she has male friends. She’s really into coding and gaming, so her social circles are mostly male. If he has a problem with it, it hasn’t poured over onto me.

  10. Not at all. My friends are my friends, period. I’ve had female friends stay the night in my apartment several times while my wife has been away (in the spare room of course). I’ve also hosted a couple of her female friends in the same way. Hell, my wife has offered our place as somewhere to crash to a friend who was visiting, even though my wife would he away at the time.

    The inverse has been true too. My wife has hung out with male friends without me, either because I couldn’t be arsed going out, had other plans, or I knew they’d be reminiscing about old times.

    When a female friend has started dating I’ve made a point to be really friendly and welcoming to the guy. But, I act the same way to any new girl that one of my male friends has started dating.

    The only time my wife has been a bit hesitant about me hanging out with a female friend is because she knew full well that my friend and I were going to get super, super drunk and play pool somewhere. Probably until the sun came up if we could last that long and my wife knew I’d be hungover as all hell and completely useless the next day.

    The thing is, I trust her and she trusts me. All up, we’ve been together for just over 18 years now.

  12. I don’t really talk to women unless they are current or future potential sex partners. I’d suggest asking if they would like to have you over for threesomes.

  13. Yeah. When im in a relationship, I pretty much don’t hang out with other women anymore. 1 woman is enough for me.

  14. Not that I feel less inclined, but more as I don’t have as much time to hang out with my friends of either gender as much. The thing is whether there is trust in a relationship that you can just hang out with friends. My partner is fine with me hanging out with other girls because she has met most of them and they get along well.

    I have learned the hard way that girls who present an ultimatum of choosing her or your friends is a red flag.

  15. Yeah. Had a close female friend that started dating earlier this year. We don’t talk as much as we used to. And almost every time I text her she brings up her boyfriend so it makes me feel like she’s trying to give me a hint. And even if she isn’t I don’t want to unintentionally make things awkward for her. I’m not sure how her boyfriend feels about her texting back and forth with a dude he’s never met before, or if he even knows about it. So the upshot of that is, I don’t have any friends that live close to me anymore.

  16. My wife and I follow the “Mike Pence Rule.” We don’t go out alone with members of the opposite sex.

    It’s not because we’re worried we’ll cheat, because neither of us is inclined to cheat. We’ve simply decided that it’s best to avoid situations where one might be tempted to cheat, especially when the cost of avoidance is so low.

  18. She never hangs out with me 1 on 1 so if she wanted to when I got a relationship I’d be concerned

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like