I (21M) have been getting back into the dating world recently and something that I’ve been struggling with understanding is how is everyone too busy to text me back. I think I have a busy schedule. I’m a college student, I work two part time jobs, I go to the gym, and have my own hobbies and things that I do but I still get back to everyone who texts me in a couple of hours.
The most common response I hear from people is just that they’re not good at texting people back. But with how much people are on their phones these days, I find this very hard to believe. Are they just not interested in me? When I’m in person, people seem genuinely interested in me, so what’s going on?
26 comments
I wonder the same thing. I’m seeing someone who does not text but they want to see me again so it’s been frustrating overthinking but part of me feels like I just need to let go and trust him and that’s been hard.
my bf is insanely bad at texting back, I don’t think he’s busy, he’s just simply not good at texting
Yes they definitely do, especially people who work a lot, have hobbies, go the the gym after work, and all that stuff. You tend to forget your phone even exists sometimes.
Everyone has their phone on them and I don’t believe that shit at all
I mean it’s weird when you’re with the person and their phone is in their hand the whole time… no they’re not busy they’re either not as interested in you as you are in them or they still aren’t sure about you. Also it’s a game to most daters and many are experts at it (they want to maintain control by dictating the pace idk if it gives them a sense of power or what) it’s frustrating but the best advice is to work on improving yourself and you’ll attract the person you deserve.
I get anxious and responding can be very tiring for me because of it. It can also be very disrupting if you get a lot of texts so it’s better to respond to a bunch of them at the same time instead of whenever you receive them. But I don’t have that problem.
I feel like most people would make time if they wanted to. Sure, there will be people who do get really busy, but damn. I guess it depends on the time between texts as well, and what one means by text back. Is it a full conversation or just a couple updates? Overall though, I feel like you’ll text back in a good time frame if you want.
Some people are legitimately busy, but it’s such a common excuse now for someone with a low interest. It’s hard to keep up with paragraphs being sent back & forth, but I don’t think most people are too busy to send 2-3 text per day if they’re excited to talk to you. It only takes a minute to respond to a simple text.
>When I’m in person, people seem genuinely interested in me
Then they’re being honest and are actually too busy. Understand that you are not the same as everyone else.
I (M) am like those people. When it’s time for me to text back, I know when I do text someone back it’s going to turn into a conversation. And I’m most likely not able to devote my attention to a text conversation at the same time of doing something else.
Yes, but when someone is interested, more often than not they will text. There will be at least some effort. If they go days without texting then it’s likely to be either too early in the dating relationship or they aren’t interested.
Personally I get overwhelmed with my day and when it happens texting is easy to cut out of my day. So…. too busy no other harder to explain so use “too busy” as an excuse yes very much so. Hope this helps
Thankfully my partner doesn’t take this personally, because my ADHD makes it reaaaal hard for me to remember to reply to people. If I’m busy I’ll sometimes read a text then have all the intentions of replying later but I just entirely forget. Or I’ll start replying and something comes up and I never finish or send the message. Then I’ll be sitting there wondering about how busy he must be, but then I’ll see that half typed up text and face palm myself.
Sometimes I get embarrassed that I’ve forgotten for so long that I just won’t send something. Usually applies more to friends.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care about these people, because I do very much. My brain is just a busy train yard. And sometimes the trains are on fire.
I am horrible at responding, even with someone I genuinely like. I tend to have my phone with me at all times but I’m a huge overthinker and depending on the conversation it still takes me about 20 minutes to narrow down my response in a cute and concise way. A lot of the time I’ll end up just putting it off until I have the time to actually sit alone and think about what I want to say. My pro tip would be to just call (depending on how deep into the relationship you are), I would 100% prefer a phone conversation over a text chain. All this being said, if I genuinely liked the person I would still get back to them by the end of the day.
As someone who is forgetful and gets very sidetracked by work. That’s me I will forget to text sometimes, but it’s not something that happened everyday very few people are ever that busy.
For me it’s squirrel brain. I’ll open a message, start typing a response and realize something else needs my immediate attention and set it down… then forget about it until I hear it beep (unless it’s on silent).
Yes.
Not good at texting is not an excuse. But I get busy af at work. A girl I was seeing recently was like I don’t get it. It takes 2 seconds to send a text back. I’m like well I’m working and thigh deep in spreadsheets. 2 seconds is all it takes to break my train of thought.
Listen brotha, I am 22 years old with you. I can tell you that without a doubt no one is too busy to text you. If they want to, you’re getting quick, fast, and multiple responses. I’ve even seen it in my life where girls will text me fast as hell when they are with me, and then when they are moving on from me they text me slow and all of a sudden are busy.
Everyone checks their phone, the “I’m busy” or “I’m not a good texter” is something I have used when I just wanted to get someone off me. If they wanted to they would. Forreal
Playing devil’s advocate for the people saying “they’re just a bad texter”
​
How can someone be “bad” at texting you get notifications on your phone the only time you don’t see it is if its off (which is valid especially at work) or you don’t look at your phone at all (i.e. checking the time on your phone) which I find hard to believe to miss the notification. I know people have work and other responsibilities but I can’t imagine someone not looking at their lock screen on their phone even if to check the time/calendar. At that point if you see the notification and choose to ignore it than isn’t that considered just blatantly ignoring them? If I’m interested in someone I wouldn’t ignore them, it takes less than a minute to text them (or send a voice memo) “Hey I’m busy right now can I text you later”.
So I think yes and no… when I am busy I forget.. I read whatever and say I will respond when I have time.. then I actually forget to go back and do that.. but at the same time when it becomes more I want to text more and I make sure that I do.. in the beginning of just talking to someone though I might need a few (100) reminders and then I will keep up with whoever if I am moving towards being an item with them
Yes. 100% yes. For me specifically, it’s that I know I’m too busy for the kind of conversation someone is wanting. I can send you a quick reply, but there is no way in hell I have time to spend 2+ hours sending text messages back and forth. There’s also the fact that sometimes I’m too overwhelmed socially to interact.
I think it’s rude to not text back!
Could mean Not interested or they just don’t like texting much. Sometimes I’ll only text back once per day because I want to keep the texting to a minimum before a date early on. If we’re in a relationship I’d prefer a call at the end of the day and no texting at all tbh.
Busy = bored lol
as an engineering student in the final year, there were times in the past month when i was too busy to eat or even sleep, let alone text back. however, once i got free time again, i did check my backlog of messages (like 4 or 5 messages for that month. one of the perks of being a man is no one talks to you) and responded to all of them.
there are people who use “i was busy” as an excuse, sure. but the way to tell is that if somone was honest, they will respond once they find time to get their life in order
I usually don’t text back quickly because I find it exhausting in general even Im online and using my phone . But if I’m genuinely interested in someone, it doesn’t matter , I text back pretty quickly.
So ig it all depends on how much a person is interested in you and if they are willing enough to put in effort .
I just went through a similar situation rn .
It’s a hard pill to swallow but remember that “ if he/she wanted to , they would have “
Maybe they’re just not that interested. I’ve also just recently came to terms someone isn’t interested in me.
On the phone we could spend an hour easily talking. At first he used to text me to check in and ask how I’m doing. Now he only reaches out when he needs something and constantly leaves me on delivered.
Maybe they just like/need the attention like in my case. The person I like apparently doesn’t like being alone and always needs someone to talk to. But if someone is interested you they will always find an excuse to talk to you. I always used to find an excuse to text him or call him.
Also texting and having good communication skills is the bare minimum and they can’t even do that? My best friends husband used to drive out and see her in college and they can’t even send a text?
If they wanted to they would.