I (21 male) have a friend (22 female) at work we talk often via text (only for the past few weeks) and get along well at work and joke quite often, which I don’t see as weird because I do the same thing with guy friends but, I think she is either flirting with me or is just a flirty person. She has a partner and a kid with him admittedly I do find her attractive and everything but would never want her to cheat, but she says things like how I am strong or make her laugh or how I am innocent (never kissed a girl or had sex and am kinda clueless about women). which mind you I enjoy hearing the compliments and teasing because in high school I never got compliments especially from women I am 300 lbs and pretty quiet so didn’t get much attention. She also said one time when I jokingly told her I would pick her up and move her if she tried ro block me that it was a “turn on”. I tried talking to my aunt about this as I do kinda like her but am fine with just being friends and she said without knowing I am becoming like the guy my mom cheated on my dad with which I never wanted to become. She said I just got caught up in it which has made me take a step back.
I have seen her say some flirty stuff with other coworkers too though and all that stuff, so I just have no idea its not a mess as I haven’t talk to her about serious stuff (ie if she is happy in her relationship, sex stuff or relationship stuff except for questions I had about women in general) we only really talk about random stuff or music and movies but definitely don’t want it to become a mess. So is it just her personality and were friends or like is she trying to cheat/get me to make a move?
Sorry if this is the wrong place to post in but I have no idea where else I could post this
6 comments
That’s just her personality
You know this woman is in a relationship, so you need to stop entertaining the idea of her being interested. If she’s flirting with you or if she’s just has an outgoing/flirty personality- it doesn’t matter. Treat her like you would treat a male colleague.
Even if she eventually either shares she is single or is in an ethically non-monogamous relationship, getting involved with co-workers is messy in its own right, and doesn’t often end well.
1) it is just her personality
2) if number 1 is wrong, do not get involved. if she *is* flirting, that’s a fucking freight train of shit filled piss waiting to run you over. Not worth it. Stay away. Find a different girl. There are plenty of others, this one will only take advantage of your low self esteem, awkwardness, and loneliness.
My .02
There’s also r/relationship_advice for non sex-related stuff, but I think the answers you’ve had here cover what you need to hear. Whether you think she’s flirting with you or it’s just her personality (imo it’s the latter; lots of women her age inadvertently flirt without realising because that’s just the way they’ve learned how to deal with men), you need to close off this avenue of thought immediately because she’s in a relationship.
The chances of this ending well for you if you pursue her are infinitesimally small, and her wanting to leave her family behind to pursue a future with you is the least likely of many scenarios. Most probable is that you’re both enjoying the boost in self confidence that a mildly flirty encounter with the opposite sex bestows, and that’s the best place to draw the line.
Take good care of yourself, OP.
Edited because I got the wrong sub name for the relationship advice sub. It’s now correct!
It doesn’t even matter. Stop wondering and keep your distance.
OP
It’s best to treat this as a fun and lighthearted friendship.
This might also be a good time for you to take some time to assess your own comfort levels and desires.
If you’re cool with things continuing as-is knowing they won’t escalate into something else- great!
If you are uncomfortable with the ambiguity, or feel like you can’t maintain a friendship in good faith without trying to escalate this yourself – maybe let her know that you really care about the friendship you have with her but aren’t used to things feeling so casually flirty. That can open the door to a discussion with her and also show “hey- I’m not trying to make this into anything, I’m just trying to be clear about where we’re both at- this kind of friendship is new to me!” It can also allow you to set some limits/clarify things so that you can get on with the relationship.
I hope this helps,
Good luck!