I’m really confused by this. So I’ve (M25) been talking to a girl (F23) for maybe 4-5 months now. We knew each other a few years ago too but never met up. Since we started talking again, it’s nonstop every day. It’s clear both of us want each other, we’ve explicitly said it, send each other pics, all of that. I asked her out around a week ago, she said yes and that she was excited to finally go, I agreed. Since then I hear from her once a day at most, her snapchat score goes up and she leaves me on delivered for like 20 hours at a time before answering/opening and ignoring. I didn’t hear from her at all this weekend, I even tried reaching out to say “hope you’re having a good day!”, just something harmless but she opened it and continued to ignore me until finally replying days later like nothing had happened.
My question is, what exactly is the point of ignoring me after enthusiastically agreeing to a date? She’ll still occasionally call me pet names on the few snaps I have gotten from her since then so it’s not like she suddenly lost interest or something.
Idk I’m just kind of confused and a little upset and I’m not really sure what to do. I could ask her if we’re still on for our date but at the same time I don’t even know if I want to go anymore if this is already how it’s getting started. Any advice would really be appreciated, thank you
6 comments
Did you two agree on a concrete time for the date? When I was very busy working and trying to date, it’s easy to build up repertoire and once the date has been set up, move on and focus on something else before the actual date (I’ve also had guys do that to me, so I’m assuming is rather common).
Cool off on the messaging but check in a day or two before to confirm the date. If she doesn’t respond, the date’s off.
It could be a bunch of things….
Why did you talk for 4-5 months before setting up a date?!?!?
That creates an enormous sense of pressure around the date itself. It’s not like a typical first date where it might or might not work. It’s like a fifth date because you already know each other’s life stories but it’s also like a first date because you might not actually connect in person. I think she feels this pressure and is withdrawing because of it. If you postponed the date because you were both too shy to set it up, that makes it even worse.
Tbh, you scheduled the date too far out. A week+ is too long to wait, the sexual tension you built is probably fizzling out.
Also, there should minimal contact, if any, between when you ask her out and the date itself. You want to build tension and anticipation with her, messaging her like you are before the date is making her lose interest because it kills that anticipation. If there’s no anticipation then there’s no excitement, and if there’s no excitement then she’s going to lose interest. Plus, if you keep initiating contact with her like that then it signals to her that she’s got you hooked. You gave her the leverage and if she wants too she can take you for granted.
One more thing: I don’t know exactly when you started liking her but imho 4-5 months is WAY too long to wait before asking someone out.
Frankly at this point it might be too late. However if you still want to save things I’d stop messaging her. DO NOT ask her if the date is still on. If she’s losing interest then the last thing you want to do is tempt her to cancel on you. Wait until zero hour and just message her then and proceed like nothing happened. To salvage things you might need to “pull back” a little, so to speak.
Break it off
Maybe she’s busy 🤷🏻♂️
it sounds like she’s playing “hard to get” and is intentionally trying not to come on too strong. A lot of people screw things up by messaging too much early on and being too clingy, so it appears she is aware of this and is consciously trying to do the opposite. She probably realized she really likes you and is anxious about losing you so is therefore pulling back to not scare you away.
A lot of women are actually told to hold back on the frequency texting/calling in dating advice books/articles in order to keep a guy’s interest and to avoid being too clingy.
If it bothers you and you want her to text you more, just tell her that she doesn’t need to hold back on the texting to keep you interested.