How does your parent’s relationship affect your relationship with your kids or spouse?

6 comments

1. My parents both grew up in extremely conservative, ultra religious households. They also realized that people are not perfect and they went out of their way to not pass judgement on things that I did, that they did not necessarily agree with. That kept lines of communication open, and I think that is extremely important and I do that with my kids today.

2. My parents are stable and loving, they trust each other, always help each other, and get along really well. I seek the same from a partner.

3. My dad was an asshole in many ways, but he was reliable enough as a dad I suppose. He wasn’t physically abusive to my mom, but he was verbally abusive and quite frankly a shit partner. I don’t have kids, so I can’t say what that relationship would be like, but I am married. I am pretty much the exact opposite of my dad when it comes to being a husband, so my marriage is solid.

4. If attachment theory has any validity, a lot.

5. I grew up having very little interaction with my father, but learnt later that my mother had deliberately set out to alienate him from my siblings and I. Yes he could have dealt with this better, but I guess he didn’t know how.

   It was when dear old mum tried to drive a wedge between me and my wife this because apparent.

   This has served me as as a role model to avoid.

6. It’s made me realize that I truly do need to not care about what others think. My parents don’t like each other (to be quite frank, they could very well hate each other), but they don’t divorce for the backlash that they might face. As a result, they don’t do what’s best for themselves. Constant fights, broken items, etc. and it’s just my siblings and I watch it. It’s truly made me a much more selfish individual. Although they aren’t the main reason, seeing what they’re like has definitely contributed to why I don’t want to get married

   As for how it affects me with my spouse it just makes me want to be better than what I was provided. Due to me doing what I want(to a fault), it has made me rule out ever wanting kids to the point where I actually got a vasectomy