I am well aware and I’ve always known that a good relationship relies on good sex and great body compatibility. The thing is however, I know my current boyfriend LIKES anal but he doesn’t necessarily LOVE it. We are one month into dating, and I know I am strongly against anal so I offered to break things off early since it’s still in the early stages. I even offered the addition of another women he can have anal with and he strongly refused. He was adamant about staying together and tells me that just because I don’t want to do anal our sex life won’t fall apart.
With that being said however, I think to myself… I would NEVER date a guy who doesn’t go down on girls and give head. I would never be happy with a guy who won’t eat me out if I give him blowjobs. So what is the deal with that if I applied it to this same scenario. I even told him about my opinions on the topic and he just said that oral reciprocation is on another level compared to anal. Can I have some opinions on this from guys? Would you date a girl who doesn’t want to ever have anal in her life? Part of me thinks he says it won’t affect him because he really loves me… but what about the future. Thank you for your help.
45 comments
No
Not for me.
Every guy is going to give a different answer but for me personally when it comes to anal i can take it or leave it. I’m the kind of guy that finds sexual acts sexy or hot only if my wife enjoys them.
Sounds like he likes anal but you love oral, so its not a direct comparison. He can live without anal it sounds like from what you said.
There’s lots of guys out there who don’t enjoy anal and would live happily if it was never brought up.
peg him
No. First, a relationship is about a lot more than just sex. Second, there are numerous options for things to do in bed so if my partner doesn’t like one of them, we can just do the others. As long as the sex life is reasonable, no one specific thing is a deal breaker.
not a deal breaker for me. But if you’re open to it and he eventually comes around on his own, bonus points for you.
Never had anal as a guy, my partner doesn’t want it so I respect her decision.
With a BD there is even less chance for it to happen!
So here’s the thing. Guys are almost like real people, with a huge range of opinions on almost any subject you can think of. We can’t say what his dealbreakers are.
Not a deal breaker for me. Also the things u have zero interest in now could be your favorite thing in 10 years. I’m not implying he should expect this to be the case I just mean that if u stay together for 20 years. Your sex will be a completely different dance than it was in the beginning. It will change and grow as much as your relationship does. In fact a few years from now u both could be sticking your fingers in each other’s asses. Lol
It depends on the guy. Its a dealbreaker for me, but then I’m a dom who’s heavily into kink and there are a number of other kinks that not being into them is a dealbreaker too.
I would say that oral is like, baseline. I agree with him, its on another level. If someone is not into anal I just say we’re not compatible. If someone refuses to engage in oral I tend to judge them personally for being a prude who doesn’t care about their partner if they’re not dealing with like sexual assault trauma. Anal is not negotiable to me personally, but that’s my preference because I genuinely like ass play alot, not just like putting my dick in an ass, and if the girl I’m with isn’t into that it ruins my fun.
Not a deal breaker. Been married for 35 years, wife has never liked it. Done it 3 times in that period.
I have never pressured her, the 3 times she initiated.
If you have a hard limit and he can’t respect that well.
I REALLY think that you’re reading WAY too much into this! Some guys really like anal, some find it repulsive and everyone else can take it or leave it. I think he’s in with the majority of us. It just simply doesn’t matter. He has the rest of you and he’s happy with that. Sounds like a win to me.
Those are your rules (never date a guy that won’t go down on you).
He has his rules.
They are not the same.
Just because someone likes something, does not in any way mean they need it to be happy.
I am a bona fide ass man. I love everything there is about a woman’s ass. The sight. The feel. The taste. Everything.
That said. I do not have to have anal sex to be happy. But, I do need to be able to at least be able to play around back there to be satisfied (touching her asshole, lite licking, maybe shallow insertion of a finger, etc). I need to be able to at least play back there to be happy. But, I do not need full on PiA to be happy. Even though I like PiA. But, again, that’s just me.
Everyone is different and (especially when it comes to sex) the spectrum is very wide and grey.
Don’t make up rules for a game your partner doesn’t even want to play.
Not a deal breaker for me, if you refused to receive oral sex that would be a different story, I am obsessed with going down on women repeatedly and lack of being to able to do that would make me leave, when I am down there I am the Center of her Universe and I can’t imagine being in a relationship without that, that is different than anal too,
I never had anal with my girlfriend. I wish I could but she is strongly against it, that also excludes fingering and licking. But of course I respect that, and it’s not a deal breaker for me. That’s where porn comes in, you can live your fantasies through it! She knows about it and everyone is happy!
When I was married to my ex, I was curious about anal. She initially wasn’t interested, but we slowly introduced caressing her perineum, then her anus, and eventually some light finger insertion (always _lots_ of lube). She was curious as well at this point, and we got gradually larger butt plugs to the point that she could handle anal sex. She _loved_ it. I was kinda… meh. I tried butt plugs myself as well, and while the sensations were pleasurable, I could never get past the “I’M POOPING!” signal my body would give off, which made it very hard to relax and enjoy myself. We ended up mostly having sex while she wore a butt plug – which left us both happy.
Current GF has no interest in anal at this time, and I’m fine with that. I’ll brush her anus with my fingers, but not linger. There’s plenty else to do and enjoy… Not a deal-breaker in any way for me.
It wasn’t for me before my wife, we did it a ton and I got really hook up on it. Now its a make or break
I don’t care one way or the other. I’ve also dated a few ladies who don’t like giving head, and that’s not a dealbreaker for me either. I’ll still go down on them because I like giving head. There are plenty of ways to enjoy sex, and relationships are not fundamentally about sex anyway. They’re about spending time with someone.
I really like anal, but my wife will probably never do it. Does that answer your question?
So serious reply. I have a fetish for seeing, touching or just appreciating my wife’s butthole. I love it. Just rubbing it or seeing it is enough for foreplay for me. She loves anal but the act itself I can take or leave….
So a thought – would he be happy or satisfied with just some anal play and if so, is that something you would be open to?
Obviously anal wouldn’t be the main event but maybe the second course like he could finish in your ass? So probably wouldn’t be for more than a few minutes. He probably gets unrealistic views from porn like the woman being fucked in her ass for 20 minutes+.
What happens when you think way too hard about something that has already been answered?
Non factor for me. Been there, done that, couldn’t care less if I never do it again. I’d do it if a girl wanted to, but I prefer vagina because, imo, it just feels better.
Ill Shane my experience. I dated a girl for 6 years, I was her first, we were young.
She wasnt fond of oral nor anal.
I said ‘hey, one out of two is fine, but at least one would be nice’
(Of course I was more gente and kind than this, chill out ppl)
She decided anal was fine, and she even became an adept. We never had oral sex on me again, although I really love it. And it was fine.
For some people, its a must. Some prioritize other things. If hes fine with it, chill.
Personally I have never understood the whole thing about fucking a girl in the ass. I ask myself why would anyone want the backdoor, when the front door is far superior and actually designed for penetration while the backdoor should have a sign saying exit only?!?! Lol. But…I have to tell you that a few times I have been busy eating my wife’s pussy and slipped my index finger in her wet vagina and then slowly and gently slid it into her ass. It was never planned, just in that moment I thought hmmm she might like this, so I tried that and she said she absolutely came stronger, even though she was certainly surprised my finger took a wrong turn at Albuquerque so to speak. Lol
Love having anal with my GF and I know she does it mainly for my benefit. It wouldn’t be a make or break for me though. But if a girl wanted me to go down on her but didn’t want to give blowjobs. That’s certainly a make or break for me.
Not a make-or-break for me.
We tried anal long ago. Mostly because I was interested. We had no education/guidance, so it hurt and we decided it was a no go. I could’ve easily gone the rest of my life without it.
She decided we should try it again after many years (with more experience and awareness) and both loved it. But even now that we’ve added it into rotation, if there were some reason we could never do it again, I could live with that.
Hey, if he likes anal and you don’t, maybe give pegging a try 😂 win win
I think you can take him at his word. My wife and I pretty much feel the same as each of you. She tried it, for me, and didn’t like it, so we don’t do it. End of story. We have so many other wonderful sexual things to do together that we both enjoy, why get hung up on any particular act?
I agree with him that oral is on a different level than anal. Oral is basically vanilla at this point, and many women can only cum that way. Anal is still not mainstream, and I find it hard to believe that any guy would only cum from it, not from vaginal or oral.
He’s adamant about staying together, refused your offer to let him have anal with another woman, and assures you the lack of anal won’t be a problem. The guy loves you. Believe him.
I’m a bit iffy with anal, I have trauma related to it (my first bf anally raped me and that was my first time doing anal, I ripped in half) and also I have bowel issues so I’m prone to rips and hemorrhoids.
I would never get with a guy that wants anal all the time, but I’m happy doing it once a month or so, providing I’m prepared for it.
if he likes anal then I doubt he wants it all the time, so you should be all good, you’ve explored all options and if he has an issue with that then he will break up with you and that’s fine, it’s better than being pressured into something you don’t want.
I think anal sex is overrated and I don’t really care about it. If she really wanted to id accommodate her, but I doubt I’ll ever request it. So it’s definitely not a problem.
No.
I much prefer a vagina. I also dont get much sexually from something I dont feel my partner is into.
For example, my wife does not like it. So I dont care about it or ever really think about doing it.
Nah, not at all. It’s like having sprinkles on a cake. It’s not gonna save a bad cake, nor will their absence make an otherwise good cake meaningfully worse. But if I’ve got a good cake already, and I am offered sprinkles, I will accept them 100% of the time.
Fun change up every now and again but absolutely not necessary
By your logic if you give head you gotta receive it so if you get it in the ass he does too. I don’t think those two are comparable lol. My husband likes anal, I’d like to give him that experience but I’m no where near ready. He absolutely respects that and doesn’t complain, pressure me, or distance himself because I don’t do it. If your bf says he doesn’t mind then it probably isn’t that important to him.
I was with a girl for 13 years and NO ANAL. There are other things that are just as fun.
Since I don’t enjiy putting my dick in a woman’s ass would I have to say no, absolutely not a deal breaker
No, but letting me eat it is
You’re over thinking this. He said he’s fine without it then that means you trust him and he’s fine.
The comparison to oral is unfair too because they’re two different things.
A guy going down on you is a MUST for you in a relationship. But clearly for him, there’s more to a relationship that a bit of butt sex, it’s not a deal breaker for him and he said so. So don’t make it a big deal and definitely don’t break up with him over that.
When it comes to Anal I’m a licker not a fucker. 😛
There are some things that are must-haves, and some that you like but can live without. Seems like anal is in the second category for him.
Yeah could care less bout anal, biggest keys to good relationship is understanding one another and have things you can enjoy together cause there can be periods later in life we’re sex won’t be possible like if dealing with injuries or sickness or even work so besure there’s more to the relationship than just sexual chemistry
There are soooo many boxes to check off for the perfect woman. It would be impossible for anyone to check off all of those boxes, and tbh idk if I’d even be happy with the perfect woman.
While I will say anal is one of those boxes. It is very low on the list, and can very easily be sacrificed for more important things.