I’m a 32(F) with a new sex partner (32M) that I’m dating so there’s a bit of a learning curve here. During one of our romantic encounters I felt as if it was taking him a while to reach climax. I asked if everything was okay and he said that he doesn’t have to ejaculate every time and that he had a lot on his mind as well. Is this common amongst men? I’m not that experienced when it comes to sex and maybe I’ve been living inside of a bubble, but I’ve always assumed that a man’s ultimate end goal is ejaculation?
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TL;DR: Guy I’m dating stated that he doesn’t have to ejaculate every time during sex.. is this normal?
41 comments
Each man to there own however I always ejaculate everytime during sex with the Mrs
I don’t expect to ejaculate every time. But I enjoy every time I ejaculate.
Yes, well at least the first round, sometimes the 2nd or 3rd round of the day it can take longer than usual and I’d rather just not instead of us both ending up sore.
In my experience guys where it takes a very long time to cum via PiV tend to have a death grip problem when it comes to their masterbating habits which causes it to take a long time to finish via PiV
Not getting off for men isn’t the official status quo but more normal than people think. As a man I probably climax 50% of the time unless I’m going multiple rounds a day then even less.
Well all I know is every time I have sex with my girlfriend yes I ejaculate wether it be piv, edging,oral or anything else and sometimes more than once.
He always does.. But only after I get off… He’s a true gentleman
I do, yes, unless it’s a second session, in which case I might struggle to.
It sounds like this guy might be anxious and it’s made climaxing difficult for him at times, or takes a lot of mental energy to get there. I’d suggest he’s probably trying to make it not a big deal. Don’t mention this to him, just let him to his thing.
The good news is it sounds like he’s going to pay a lot of attention to your needs, so don’t take that for granted.
Yep, normal. Its like uno reverse card in this situation, you gotta focus more on foreplay
Just depends on the guy, really.
There are plenty of times that maybe I am not 100% in the mood but enough to want to play around and pleasure my wife.
Again, depends on the guy. But, no, the ultimate end goal for many men is not ejaculation.
EDIT: +1 for actually talking to your partner and asking them.
I would yes it is possible and sometime it just be like that… it’s not very often I can’t but it happens. In general though I would say my goal is a mutual release for myself as well as my partner
I think most men cum unless there are extenuating circumstances. For example, something on their mind, they weren’t expecting sex and jerked off already, they’ve got certain kinks on their mind which their partner doesn’t know about or isn’t leveraging, they don’t feel well and don’t want to tell you, they masturbate too often, etc. Of course, everyone is different and maybe they just weren’t in the mood.
Your partner will have more answers. But personally, since I had my foreskin lopped off I can last a lot longer and don’t necessarily cum.
I dont always ejaculate. But I always enjoyed the activities, plus I enjoy it even more if I know I did my job and got her off. Having something on your mind can definitely cause issues. Also talking yourself out of ejaculating to soon can cause issues as well. I’ve lost hard ons because I was in my head telling myself “you can’t just yet”
Penetration for me is hit or miss. Somedays, I don’t even really want it and would rather just perform oral sex. Somedays, I like to give penetration but not for self satisfaction, even though I enjoy it. Other days, I get very excited and stimulated from penetration and will finish from it.
When my wants and needs match with a partners wants and needs the sex is incredible. Communicating and understanding others wants and desires is what makes sex great. It’s all fluid, so you have to keep communicating to make it work for you both.
It’s uncommon, but the time I’ve spent on this subreddit taught me that there are plenty men like this, don’t worry.
Yes, I have heard this from lovers before
Nope. 43m here. While I can have an orgasm fairly consistently from sex, there are a number of factors that can limit my enjoyment, and thus my potential for orgasm.
In particular stress and fatigue will really inhibit my arousal. I might be able to get hard, but after 30 to 40 minutes, depending on how things are going, I may tap out. I’ll make sure my partner enjoys themself, of course. I don’t consider an orgasm a necessary component of sex. It’s great when it can happen, but even without one, there’s still the touch, the closeness and connection, and the enjoyment of giving my partner pleasure.
Most guys most of the time but not always
Most of the time. There are 2 situations where I may not.
I’m too drunk. I never have a problem getting and staying hard. My issue is that I won’t get off easy or at all.
If I “held” my self from cumming. Example, she is taking longer. I’m about to cum but I stop myself. At times I can’t get back to orgasm.
You can enjoy sex as an intimate way of relating with other person without having to ejaculate. It’s the trip that matters, not the destiny.
Ejaculation is orgasm, so it is important and generally aimed for each time. However, when it’s not working it can be really frustrating and I would rather just tap out.
I think many women are no stranger to having difficulty orgasming, but specific to men it not only require that mental headspace, but physically requires us to maintain a reasonably firm erection. Also, it usually punctuates our enjoyment of sex whereas many women can keep going. What this means is that he probably enjoyed everything up to that point, but it just wasn’t happening and he knew it.
Doesn’t matter had sex
Generally yes. Because I have 99% of the times I’ve had sex. But I’m not attached to it. If she had a good time, I had a good time.
It’s very common for me, especially if I wear a condom.
It doesn’t mean anything of the pleasure I’m getting, my level of arousal or my attraction for my partner.
It is not a problem for me at all and I am not frustrated or disappointed by my partner, I know it has nothing to do with her.
For me it’s only a problem if I feel my partner is disappointed/lose confidence/make a big deal of it.
In that case it gives me pressure to cut which is the surest way not to cum.
No not really for me.
Its a fun experience in itself enough though
I sometimes get stuck and am unable to finish and ill usually call it if I think things just won’t happen. Just recently I was at a woman’s place and we had had sex 2 times prior in the day. She wanted a 3rd attempt and I was even surprised I could get it up. But after a short while I realized I would not be able to finish again so I did what would get her off and then stopped. She was concerned she had done something wrong or maybe I wasn’t attracted to her or maybe she had been too pushy for the last round and I just had to assure her I had had enough and couldn’t ummm… have anymore?
That is usually an important part of it though. The guy making sure the partner knows it is not her fault and he is satisfied I mean. How many posts do you see the other way around where I guy is going bananas because he can’t make his woman orgasm and he freaks out? It’s important that your partner gets the reassurance that they are still desired and sexy and that the lack of orgasm has nothing to do with them.
I can only speak from personal experience, but my wife really wants me to cum every time and to be honest, I would love to do it every time. My age (close to 40) and medication has different plans for me though.
If he’s taking meds it can mess with ejaculation, but believe me, he’s still enjoying the ride. I know I do, and the next time I’m able to climax is usually unreal.
Another thing I find helps is a supplement cocktail; 1000mg of L-arginine, 1000mg of Lecithin, and 50mg of zinc. It doesn’t completely change the outcum, but it does help. And I pretty much never masturbate so the feeling is all still there
Expect it, no. But always like it.
Yes, it’s not weird at all. Sometimes when you go for a long time and struggle to ejaculate you’d rather just give up. It gets tiring and frustrating
It’s a mystery to us men why we don’t come every time, especially after after coming all too easily as teenagers. Try not to worry about it, your anxiety will only spill over into his. We shouldn’t worry about sex. As long as he wants you, wants to fuck your brains out, is all that matters.
I expect to every time. I only won’t if it’s the second or third time in a session.
Of the 35ish people I’ve been with, only one was able to get me off every single time. So no lol
If a guy loves you, his main goal is probably to please you and intimacy, then his own enjoyment comes after that.
Men orgasm easily, so I do expect to orgasm every time I’m receiving a continuous form of stimulation, but not because I have to, but because I know I probably will. I did have very rare moments where I was so stressed, that I couldn’t orgasm or even get hard. It’s not common to not be able to ejaculate, but almost every guy will experience this or erectile dysfunction at some point in their life.
I’ve been this way when burned out on too much ADHD meds and lack of sleep. He can probably also quit masturbating if he’s doing that. Makes real sex so much better when abstaining. Those 3 combined (years ago), I could go for a ridiculous amount of time. I actually hated it because I’d get turned on and then would have to go nuts to come.
Nearly always, but it really depends on what else is going on. If I have too much to drink, or I am stressed and my mind is elsewhere, I may not. It is still fun either way.
Nope, it happens about 80% of the time but sometimes it just won’t happen (timing, headspace, etc.)
Not a big deal as it’s still super enjoyable and we go at it enough that I can try again in a few hours if I want.
I expect to (because the bar is pretty low) but don’t need to. Sometimes, I’m just tired or not getting there after a while. As long as my partner is satisfied, though, all good. I don’t know if I can say if that is normal or not – I hope so?
My husband says his doctor told him that about 30% of men can’t ejaculated from a blow job. My husband enjoys a good blow, but he can’t finish that way.
It can happen. Not too common but certainly not unheard of.
I think *someone* should always have an orgasm during sex. I don’t think it has to be me.
The desirable outcome is to orgasm, but if it’s taking too long and I’m not feeling it coming, and my partner already came, then I just prefer to call it a day. Sex is already fun and rewarding by itself, climax is the cherry on the cake. I can skip the cherry from time to time.