Wrapping up the end of sophomore year I (19M) can’t help but feel lost. College was never really something I wanted to do. For a while I wanted to join the military and then I wanted to be a firefighter, I got a scholarship that made college hard to pass up on though so I took it.
I’ve been at it for a little over a year and I feel like the stress of engineering classes along with my lack of direction is tearing away at who I am.
Last semester I started internally blaming my (now ex) girlfriend of 2 years for my problems and the distance definitely didn’t help. Since breaking up with her I’ve had nothing but hookups that have made me feel lonely to the point that I’ve started turning them down. Can’t find a girl interested in anything more.
School just takes it out of me. I procrastinate assignments until the last minute, I’ve stopped working out after years of being super consistent. I’ll try to pick up new hobbies and lose interest and drop them. Most of my week consists of classes, homework, and procrastinating on my phone and then going out one night on a weekend.
I don’t really try very hard either. I kind of do the bare minimum to get by. I wait until the day before to study for tests and generally just watch YouTube and let the workload build up.
My friend group down here is smaller than I would like too and out of my inner circle I’m the only one without a girlfriend. I feel like I’m fifth wheeling a lot which doesn’t really help.
I guess I’m just asking for advice to get out of this funk. I feel like I keep picking myself up, setting my mind on a goal and then just losing hope. The one thing that has consistently motivated me lately is chasing girls and every time I feel like I’m doing well with a girl and ask her on a date they always have an excuse and I’m back to square one. I keep trying to tell myself that a free engineering degree from a big school is such an asset and that if I stick it out this will help me for the rest of my life, but my heart is not really in it and I feel like I’ve isolated myself from my passions and people who care about me in chase of something I didn’t even care about to begin with. Any advice/motivation would be greatly appreciated.