And she didnt even tell me, it was her best friend who was with her at the time who told me. She had gone on a vacation with her best friend and they met a couple of guys and brought them to their hotel room later. I am as shocked as can be possible in this scenario. Her best friend showed me pictures of them with the guys on their hotel bed and lets just say you dont want to see your fiancee/wife in that position with another guy. How do I confront her without losing my cool? She doesnt know I know.
PS- We were not married at the time, the said vacation happened a year ago and we got married just 4 months ago. Please help me.
26 comments
Don’t confront her yet. Talk to a lawyer and make sure you have a copy of those pictures.
What more do you need to know? You either get past this or you don’t. Unless you do think there’s more.
If you don’t have children with her EJECT IMMEDIATELY
Get copies of the evidence and GET A LAWYER FIRST.
Even ***IF*** you (foolishly) try to “work it out” with her – you *could* stop the divorce proceedings.
Don’t waste your energy on a confrontation where she can manipulate you.
As someone who’s fiance cheated on them less than 2 months before they got married but they only owned up 4 years later it’s painful, heart breaking and soul crushing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. If you think you can get past with you’re going to have to have a serious talk with your wife. Good luck OP
It’s on her not you. You’re not the one who did something wrong. She is. Start being very observant. Look for subtle hints. Not saying anything is going on. Be careful with this.
Get an annulment. I don’t know your state but talk to a lawyer first before confronting her.
How long were you together for?
I can hear her side of the story now “ last fling before the ring bull$hit” and wanting to make sure you were the one since she was gonna be with you the rest of your life.
I don’t think there’s no coming back from this sorry to say it. Unless you truly think you can move on from it and fully trust her going forward.
But she did it before and wouldn’t have gotten caught had her friend not ratted her out, what’s stopping her from doing it again?
You have a lot of thinking to do my man.
I am so sorry.
Was that a one-and-done (or two-and-done) premarital deal for her, or do you think she has something going on the side right now? If so, that’s adulterous.
You go to a lawyer and file the divorce papers and hand those to her along with a screenshot of her having sex with the other guy and tell her she sign it and leave.
Talk to the lawyer about getting the marriage annulled.
Divorce is your only option
You get the evidence and get an annulment. Never stay with a cheater.
Divorce, but also ask yourself why the friend is telling you this now.
Under any circumstances don’t let it pass no matter how much she tries to gaslight you.
She may say it was before you guys got married, she was lonely…blah blah. She only loves you. ..blah blah..she chose you…blah..blah..it just happened.. blah blah.. she was a different person then because again childhood trauma..blah blah.. her BFF screwed while she passed out in another bed..blah blah..her BFF is an asshole..blah blah…
It’s good of her friend to tell you. I mean the cynic in me wonders what happened to make her tell you now, after you are married, and months after. Why would she keep the secret and now tell you?
Anyways, I’m going to say what everyone else is, get copies, don’t show your hand, don’t let her manipulate you, and talk to a lawyer.
For most, that is a complete betrayal, is there even a relationship after that? I’m sorry you were wrong like that. No one deserves that.
Leading up to your wedding you should be excitedly only having your fiancé on your mind. What she did is the exact opposite then had the nerve to walk down that aisle and defile that ceremony with her lies and betrayal.
Why did the best friend wait to tell you after you two were married? I would definitely try to find evidence yourself. The whole situation kinda seems off. If it’s true something else must be going on, because the best friend seemed fine with her cheating at that time. Also I would get yourself tested for stds.
get a lawyer asap dont confront her yet talk to lawyer first.
Why did friend show you evidence now? What’s her motive? Falling out with you wife?
Talk to lawyer, don’t confront and act cool/normal. Gather evidence, talk with friends or family.
If that’s too much to do, leave and stay with family or friend. Get finances in order and talk to lawyer ASAP.
Stay wrong while dealing with this. You can mourn later once legal-financial business is in order. Is there possible other instances of cheating?
You need to move on, you can forgive, but will never be able to trust her again. She is not the person you thought she was … fantasy and reality are in conflict. Good luck my man. I’ve been where you are at now. It does get better, I moved on and found my now wife. Blessing in disguise. I wish I had people like this forum giving me advice.
Why did the friend tell you now and not back then?? Ask her.
Talk to a lawyer first then confront wife.
I’m going to tell you how to do it without divorce:
– First, you need to know that divorce, especially in your state, is easier
– To to r/asoneafterinfidelity. They are the only experts
– Let’s set the Reddit terminology. She’s the wayward spouse (WS), you’re the betrayed spouse (BS) and the guy she cheated on you with is the affair partner
– Your previous marriage is over, your previous wife is gone. If you do this, you’re starting a new relationship with a woman you don’t know very well. All you know is that she cheated on her last husband, and then lied to him about it every day for a year. She’s going to have to work hard to convince you that she’s trustworthy
– Your WS is a liar, get an STD test
– Your WS will be responsible for fixing things. Any resistance and you are done. This will not work
– She is going to need to do everything to earn your trust. This usually means complete disclosure, forfeiting privacy, and counseling
And no one is suspicious as to why the best friend is doing this NOW? She was fine with your wife cheating on you 4 years ago but now she has grown a conscience?
I’m echoing other comments, but I also say get a lawyer if you can to get marriage anullment, and save those pictures before you confront her. If you plan to leave her (which you absolutely should, but that’s your choice), I’d get the proceedings all figured out first. Not only did she cheat, but she couldn’t even admit it to you.
**ALSO!!! DO NOT LET HER MANIPULATE YOU.** Lots of cheaters try to downplay their actions and act like it was a small mistake, and some even try to get you to stay and pity them by groveling to you. Do not let her do that
It might feel sucky at first, but you don’t have kids binding you to her. Get out while you can because if she went this far while you were **ENGAGED,** literally set to be married, she will absolutely do it again. Save yourself more pain in the future and find someone that actually treats you right.
Good luck, and I wish you all the best!!
>She had gone on a vacation with her best friend and they met a couple of guys and brought them to their hotel room later.
Oh, see, vacation sex doesn’t count to them, brother. Btw, if you girl goes with her best friends to a fuck fest place like Jamaica or Miami then you should assume she’s going to have sex with someone that they will brush off like it didn’t even happen.
So, for your girl, it was just vacation fun and meant absolutely nothing.
DO NOT FUCKING RECONCILIATION, COLLECT EVIDENCE AND DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY