Since all my years in college and middle school, I realized that I never got in a friend group that had any respect for me. Every time I get in one of them, I always get to realize that I’m here to make people laugh and that my existence doesn’t matter. They literally don’t care about me. They use humor excuse to make fun of me and only one easy joke of mine results in all of these “friends” ignoring me. I treat people as they treat me so why am I ignored for just making jokes on someone who makes jokes on me ? Maybe the situation is less complicated than I think it is, but I hate sticking around a problem without solving it. It’s the end of college this year, and Im very glad it is. I don’t know who is the problem. I tried to be nice to people, to talk to them, laugh with them, and it ended up with being ejected from a class group for “not motivating my partners”, and being ignored by all the people I talked to until now. One day we had to make dance groups, I talked ONLY ONCE to say that our movements don’t fit the rythm. Then, I literally heard “He won’t shut up while no one wants him in their groups”. I really want to punch him in the face right now but I think there’s something missing in me that will make the situation better. If I made this post it’s because I need advices.
6 comments
What I can say to you is, that sometimes in university/college, not everyone you meet and are close with can be considered your friend. I always view friendship in tertiary level education as somewhat to be as a forced beneficial kind of friendship. If you’re in the same course as your so-called ‘friends’, they just want to be carried throughout the semesters by letting you do the work and be a parasitic freeloader who just wants good marks.
The respect part is somewhat tricky. Are you a class clown? A yesman? People don’t just disrespect you without any reason, there must be something that you did that leads you to get disrespected. People talking shit about others is common, and there’s no way in escaping that.
My only suggestion for you at the moment is to try distancing yourself from these cunts for a while and try to get a good mindset and build awareness. Only you can actually support yourself. Finding people that click with you is tough, but once you find them, life will be much more enjoyable.
So, those are not your friends.
They like you but constantly pulling your self esteem down is not good. You don’t need to unfriendly them you need to keep a healthy distance.
The real red flag is you can’t make fun of each other mutually. It seems like they do look down on you. I would find another maybe smaller group and hang out with them. The difference in attitude towards you will be astronomical. Once you find a close group that cares about each other but can also, have good boundaries you’re going to feel so much better.
A lot of people say cut them out entirely but usually that just leaves you lonely. Understand that they don’t see you as a truly valuable person and keep them in a distance that doesn’t affect your mental health.
To make new friends I would say go to parties if invited see if there is someone like you there. If there is a club you like join it and have a person or people you meet there and talk to. Eventually your inner circle will be different and positive.
Also, doing all this requires hard work but I believe in you my man.
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What your description sounds like is a social group not really a friends group. I consider a friends group were everyone in that group are all friends, people you’d invite to weddings as best mates.There is also levels to friendships. If you share a very niche thing together like a hobby and maybe see each other every time you go to this event/place like you two might be really interested in tennis and play at the local park together. The other side is someone that you view as a brother or sister having a great deal of things in common with you, always talking and hanging out together.
The thing about friendship is they are formed from two key things 1. Common interest 2. Frequency.
The first one is pretty self explanatory is that do you have major common interest with the other person. Do you have the same hobbies or like the same shows, books, sports etc.Having the same humor is a important think to but it isn’t going to advance the friendship if you two are interested in anything worth while together.
The second point is frequency how often are you see this person wether it’s virtual or in person. In college you see the same people everywhere you go same people the gym same people playing basketball same people do this hobbies at x and same people in your major classes.
Sounds like your focused on your acceptance of the social group but did not specify if you had any common interest with said people. You got the frequency part right you’re on the same college seeing them enough but do you share anything. When I went to college I made friends at the gym basketball court I was going there frequently throughout the week and see the same people starting conversation and getting to know them. Some where just friends I only played ball with and some turned into best friends. A good thing to do is have an interest that you like and find the place where other people share that (club, meetup, place) and go there frequently.
The group within the Group. Those are the ones that make a group[ fail, remember that.
If this is how all friend groups interact with you, i can’t dismiss that maybe you’re doing something wrong here. I’ve personally never met you so idk what your personality is like to give advice there, but is there anything you know you can improve with your social skills?
Or maybe your attitude on friend groups is too serious? Are you placing expectations on each member to care for you as you would for 1 on 1 friendships? In my experience, i feel that friend groups are supposed to be very light-hearted and not nearly as emotionally invested as with close friends. Just enjoy the moment with them, and let them enjoy you.