We had a great first date, and she told me (multiples times) about her toxic relationships and says she wants to take things slow because she’s scared to jump into another relationship. She used to not take so long to respond but now it’s snail-paced. Do I take what she said at face value and assume that she’s super busy (tbf her company is in the middle of a major event), or she’s being polite and essentially rejecting me?
her last text:
“you’re good! Just that I was really hurt in my previous past relationships makes me very insecure and I really don’t want to jump into a relationship so fast and get hurt again… I might also not be as good as you think I am.. I wish we can know each other more before getting together and I really thankful that you respect me.. yes definitely we can hang out.. but please do not overthink okay? My work really busy and it’s gonna be busier until 12.12 🥺 I hope when we cannot meet we can at least text and talk to know each other more?”
14 comments
Yes you are overthinking. She told you exactly why she wasn’t immediately responding. Seriously what else do you need?
I started seeing my current girlfriend a month or so ago. We probably send 2 – 4 texts a day? It’s normal. We both work and have communicated that as the reason for light texts. Just make your texts impactful..
Nothing worse than a ‘why are you ignoring me’ attitude.
Maintain contact but have eggs in other baskets. Theres too many people trying to date at junctions when they just don’t have the time for it. It’s better for you to not fully invested in something will most likely implode between now and 12/12. Keep her as a friend drop her as romantic interest and if things work later they work later.
To me, if I don’t feel like my partner is all about me then it’s time to reconsider this effort. Doesn’t mean you have to disappear completely, but if she isn’t making the effort to make you feel seen and understood and you feel ignored, then it’s probably true. Your feelings are valid. Doesn’t mean she’s wrong for taking things slow, just means you two aren’t clicking, and that’s okay.
The golden rule I usually follow is that if I’m ever thinking whether I’m overthinking, then I possibly am.
Sounds like my ex whom I’m working things out with now. One minute they’re all about communicating then the next it’s something or always a excuse. No one is every too busy. Takes 20secs to send a text. My opinion bsck off some and see if she come to you. This is what I’m struggling with myself. But the 5 years of the off and on its hard to bc I know the connection we have and have. It’s like no other.
There’s days in the week I’m slammed and can’t respond to people. I respond hours later and sometimes the next day. This definitely happens! Sounds like you’re overthinking. I wouldn’t stress to bad and try to stay understanding 🙂
There’s one word that’s always a red flag/ indicator of low interest: “busy”. Whenever a woman says sorry I’ve been busy or I couldn’t answer coz is been a busy day i immediately know she’s low interest/ not really interested and it’s yet to fail me. Once she says something along those lines i just back away. Sometimes she’ll notice and it’ll increase her interest or she’ll just back off completely. Either way you’ll get your answer.
I’m the same way with work, when we have busy periods, i just put myself on work mode maybe text my wife once or twice a day and almost don’t text any friends or family during that time , she’s being direct and telling you she likes you, but to slow down and that she’s in her body work season.
The last thing you want to do is start being clingy or demanding, respect her time and she’ll reward you later.
My current partner and I send each other like 2-4 texts a day. Mostly planning dates and “how’s your day” checking in kind of message. We both work full time and have things we do outside of work. Like she does cycling after work and I do rock climbing so we know we both have our lives we are living.
Sorry if I am mistaken, but the way you frame your question makes me think that you expect to keep constant contact with her along the day every day.
Have you considered that (besides being super busy, as she clearly stated) she might not be a big fan of texting?
For instance, I often only text my partner to schedule plans or ask/show-interest about the outcome of specific important events (e.g., “how did your presentation go?” Or “I hope your interview goes great today!”). But I rarely maintain day-long conversations over text. It is simply exhausting for me. I save those for when I meet my partner in person.
My advice would be to take her word, stop overthinking, and focus on scheduling a second date (doing so should not require more than 2-4 texts). Also, since she is busy you should consider quick dates, e.g., a 1-2h coffee date. That way you two might be able to hang out and get to know each other better without interfering too much with her busy schedule.
I’m genuinely curious. What am I missing? You two have been on one date and you’re texting 2,3,4 times a day?
Just based on her response you’re over texting or coming off needy. You don’t need to be texting all the time especially that early on.
Me and a guy I like and are dating right now and we text a couple times a day. We’re both very infatuated but we both focus for work and don’t check our phones. Plus if I have plans with friends or family I don’t check my phone. If I’m watching Netflix my phone is in the other room. She may intentionally be texting slow to keep her feelings in check so don’t discount her interest. It sounds like your feelings are slowing down too so just let them and keep dating if you want to.