So me and her have been texting with marriage in mind. Just to get to know one another better first and we’ll see how it goes.
Today she asked me “how do you see yourself in married life.”
I said: “I need more time to think about it”
She said: “just a general answer will do”
I answered: “it’s too early to say. I don’t really know you that good yet and you don’t know me. Our expectations differ so I can’t get a feeling on how married life will be.”
She then said: ” that’s not what I’m asking . Answer my question without having to show me consideration.”
I then told her: “a very basic life. We eat together, we see each other every day, we talk everyday. Atleast a date every week. How about you?”
She answered: “a relationship where communication is key, where we show consideration for eachother and where we take decisions together.”
Then I asked her : “are you always going to ask questions like this? Because you have to know youll have to always push for answers from me just saying. I will not be able to show you any consideration on this aspect.”
She said:” no I just want to understand you better. Do you think it’s annoying?”
I then told her: “I dont mind, you do you. Just know I know myself very well, how I think and how I act. You’ll have to deal with it. Forewarned is forearmed.”
Did I overreact because I noticed I got angry irl. Idk why I got angry. Because of the question or my own answer. Can someone give clear insights?
Thank you in advamce!
EDIT: Thank you for the great constructive posts out there.
P.s. I know that was a dick move but noticed it too late. Hence I wanted to know the reason why I reacted that way to prevent it.
27 comments
Why did you get angry? She asked you a general question, you assumed it was about you two specifically, she clarified, you answered, then she did. What do you mean by telling her she’ll have to push for answers and you won’t show her any consideration? That and your final comment just seemed weird and almost hostile, and I don’t get why.
Yeah that was kind of a dick response. She’s just trying to get to know you better and figure out if you’re compatible long term. From how this convo went, I’d say you’re not.
you talk as if you’re pushing her away and all she did was ask two simple
Sounds like you got issues or something it’s a pretty basic question not sure what made you hop on defense so quickly.
Lmao she wasn’t asking your hand in marriage. She was curious if marriage was something you saw happening eventually in your life. It’s more and more common these days for people to not want marriage or to have children so it’s just a normal question when you’re getting to know someone.
You definitely jumped it.
Lol You sound like a fukin psychopath
I say this because there seems to be at least a momentary lack of empathy, focusing on yourself rather than her. That was very weird to read Ngl
I don’t even get it
To me it’s the equivalent of someone replying with Ketchup to Hello
I’m trying to think of why you’d be like that, but whatever the reason that whole conversation is awfully off putting
You sound like a dick
“You’ll have to deal with it. Forewarned is forearmed”
That response sure sounds like you’re someone who’s unwilling to comprise on anything outside of your own views or opinions. You also sound inconsiderate and unable to compromise.
If a guy I was getting to know responded to me the way you did to her asking a general question like this, I’d see it as a huge red flag and end things.
You were being rude but if you don’t want to put up with questions like that (sounds like you don’t) your probably not compatible so it doesn’t matter in the end.
Yeah that would have been a red flag for me if I was her. If communication is what she’s after, and you’re unwilling to answer a simple question, get defensive and show that you’re unwilling to compromise your behavior.. Yeah that’s not good
You sound rude, she’s interested in you be glad she is. Many guys would kill to be in this position and your rude little man child. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with some who tells me I know myself and you have to deal with it. That is a major red flag.
And yes you overreacted for nothing lol she is asking important questions to see if your worth it. The day she stops asking will be the day she won’t be interested in you anymore so don’t take her for granted and treat her well.
Plus why would anyone get married without knowing the person very well and their intentions.
You have to apologise and say you had a bad day and it was a one off and you didn’t mean what you said.
She was just trying to get some life goals-type answer so she could compare yours to hers. You kind of blew it on two counts. First, you didn’t understand what she was talking about, which she would consider a no brainer. Second, you evaded an answer, even after she explained her question. Like, what are you hiding, dude?
Yea sorry you are the ass hole. I’d loose interest real quick if you responded like that.
Um who hurt you?
U fumbled the bag my guy
Yeah that was not an appropriate response
Good experience. You got a glimpse into yourself and now you can do some introspection, look into therapy if you see it as necessary. But this is life, this is growth. Explain to her that you don’t know what made you emotional but you’re grateful that she’s interested in getting to know you.
Maybe you’re not accustomed to opening up and what you thought was anger was possibly embarrassment or fear of feeling vulnerable.
Again, good experience. Don’t shun it.
You need to work on your reading comprehension
I’d ghost you for something like that. My ex used to say shit like that often to my questions, ended up quite anxious about the relationship and depressed
I would not pursue anything with you based on that conversation. You made yourself look pretty crappy there.
Seemed like you were being cold for no good reason to me
Forewarned is forearmed? 😂
Why are you treating a budding relationship like a battle?
You’re both on the same team, dude. A new potential romantic partner is not the enemy.
To be clear, are you planning a marriage and life together before having met in person? Also, do you like her? You talk to her like you don’t.
I don’t think you know yourself the way you think you do.
Yea ngl you came across a dickhead especially since it was a pretty simple/average question.
With that text you single-handedly showed her who not to marry at least
Deal with it.