She claims she has a Best friend that’s a guy and he is not gay but I can’t stop myself from getting jealous when she hangs out over there by herself. We aren’t exclusive just dating at the moment and she says she sees herself being with me but how do I about not letting this bother me ?

36 comments

  1. If she’s just a woman who happens to have a lot of male friends, that’s cool.

    If she has a bunch of male friends and no female friends because “she doesn’t get along with most women,” run for the hills.

  6. What the ever living fuck is this comment section.

    People can be friends. And not want to fuck. Regardless of their gender.

    If you haven’t committed to exclusivity, why would it even matter if she is banging another dude?

  7. Leave her alone. You obviously have jealous feelings that would interfere with her friendships. Probably work on your confidence and jealousy first.

  8. Not sure how to help how this makes you feel, but i would like to offer a perspective that differs some of the comments:

    opposite gender relationships are healthy, good, and normal. whether you are in a relationship or not.

    more often than not(in my experience and in every girl i have talked to about this), it is the guy who ‘could never be just friends with a girl.’ as the not-guy, this concept absolutely perplexes me.
    opposite gender friends can exist, but unfortunately that feeling isn’t always reciprocated by the other guy.

    i agree with the top comment: suggest you three hang out. if it’s weird, observe if it’s weird because of them both or just the guy. if she doesn’t want you 3 to hang out, then that is a different conversation.

  9. All but 2 of my friends were guys when I started dating my now husband. My 2 female friends were lesbians so he was super insecure for a bit until he got to know my friends and the dynamic of our friendship. The more we involved him and the more he realized there was 0 threats from the guys ( they view me as their mom/ caretaker/ sister) Now 7 years later he still doesn’t mind and has actually stolen a few of my closest guy friends and hogs them to himself.

  10. How do I handle a woman with a lot of guy friends? By not dating her.

    This was a lesson I learned the hard way. Let me give you a rundown of how I’ve handled it in the past.

    1. Senior year of high school, we had been dating for like 3 weeks (lol), to get back at me for hooking up with some other girl at a party that we were at she went and hung out with our mutual “friend” and *oops* she ended up giving him a blowjob but *totally didn’t mean for that to happen tehe* whatever, I kind of deserved that one.

    2. Freshman year of college, was dating this girl, dont remember how we broke up or if we just drifted apart, but she ended up dating her “guy friend” right after. Wasn’t worried about it at the time.

    3. Sophomore year, I’m dating this girl who has a “guy friend” that is suspiciously needy and possessive. but apparently I can’t hang out with the both of them at the same time. I’m convinced that he’s her boyfriend and I’m actually just a side piece. we worked together and she had lent me some work pants of hers one day after I stayed the night at her place so that I could be in dress code. I noticed them heading to the library together and I got a brilliant idea: I ran to my car and grabbed the pants. ran back to the library, found them, and gave her pants back in front of him. Turns out he was just a simp. Kind of *sophomoric* but I still laugh about this in hind sight. Didn’t worry about her guy friends after this.

    4. Went back to girl number 2. Everything cool. Eventually she makes this guy friend at work that she likes to smoke weed with. I don’t really worry about it at first. But as time goes by she starts running late a lot when hanging out with him, sometimes making me wait for hours after saying she’s about to head my way. I start to get suspicious. She calls me *insecure* and complains about me being *controlling* even though I’m not even telling her not to see him, just telling her she needs to be more considerate of my time. We break up shortly after. *surprise! they start dating!*

    5. Junior year of college. Woman I worked with had a “guy best friends” who I need not worry about because he was “strictly in the friendzone” (her words) we hook up. He drove by her place and saw my car there. It was a whole thing. They were not “just friends”, at least not according to him. To him I was “just a work friend” that he shouldn’t worry about.

    6. Senior year of college. Dating another coworker. At this point I’m over the “guy friends” thing. She has this one guy friend that I tolerate because he has a gf. whatever. cool. We go to this other “guy friend”’s place one night. We’re together so I’m not worried. When we get out to the car to leave he calls her on the phone and asks her to come inside and talk in private. hmmmm. I have to pee SO BAD. After like 5 minutes I’m calling her. no answer. I go inside the dude’s house to use the bathroom. They start to leave right after I flush the toilet. I overhear her say “I’ll hit you up” as she’s leaving. I come out behind the dude and he’s scared shitless. “see ya dude”. I ask her what happened and she said he confessed his love for her.

    “so why the hell did you say ‘I’ll hit you up?’”

    “oh I was just saying that”

    “uh huh”

    Weeks later she went on a trip out of state to see family. she was very late coming back. out of curiosity I checked snapchat maps. she was at his house. I called. she said she was getting gas. she stopped sharing her location. too late. I sent her the screenshot. She swore she was just talking to him about how they should just stay friends. Would mot admit to cheating. He was just a friend that I had nothing to worry about. she “had to lie” because she knew *I* would *overreact*. yeah, I’m not an idiot. we were on and off for a little while after that. she eventually stopped denying that she had cheated on me.

    That wasn’t the only one either. she also had a “guy friend” that was an ex. dude literally robbed her and she’d still have him give her rides to work. stay off drugs folks.

    It’s funny because the way she would talk about me, you’d think I was a GOD. she gave me so much praise over my sexual prowess you’d think I had nothing to worry about whatsoever. It was a smokescreen.

    That’s not to say they wouldn’t have cheated if I was better, they cheated because they are cheaters, but it’s to point out how no matter how much assurance they give you…they still gonna lie and cheat, and cry and play victim you when they get caught.

    7. Got back with woman number 3 (this is a bad idea, don’t do that). she had guy friends but they were all dorks that I wasn’t worried about. At this point my confidence was so high that she would have to be an idiot to cheat on me. right??? well, yes.

    After about a year she made new friends. cool. whatever. At this point I’m traveling a lot for work and can’t really worry about who she’s spending time with. But I guess I should have. I get home from a trip and am trying to hang out. She’s keeps being busy. I pretty much know she’s found someone else, so now I’m just trying to get my things from her place. She isn’t responding to me saying I’m coming over, so I come over unannounced. She’s not home. I ask where she is, she’s “out” with one of her girl friends. Oh cool, I like her, let me meet up with you guys, where are you at? She can’t give a straight answer, just tries to schedule another time to meet up. I check good ol snapchat maps. She’s at her “guy friend”’s house. yep. Of course.

    *oh, but she was going to tell me eventually!*

    Yeah so I don’t do the “guy friend” thing any more. If they pull out the buzzwords of “insecure” or “controlling” or whatever and don’t respect my wishes, onto the next one! Hasn’t been a problem so far.

  11. Dude, don’t ask other people how you should feel. They aren’t you. If you’re not comfortable with a situation, you’re free to leave it, and really should, for your own good.

  12. You can’t judge her for friendships she developed before she knew you existed. And she most likely will not choose you over them.

    More than anything, you should focus on establishing your relationship with the girl.

    But if you want to feel better about the guy best friend, if he likes her then that means she’s rejected him already, if he doesn’t like her then there’s nothing to worry about. If she likes him she wouldn’t be dating you. Basically, if they wanted to be together they would be together, but they aren’t.

  13. >We aren’t exclusive just dating at the moment and she says she sees herself being with me

    if youre not exclusive that shit means nothing, ive said shit like that to get laid.

    if you have a jealousy concern you guys arent compatible. not fair to tell her to ditch her friends and not fair for you to ignore your feelings. i would say talk about it but since you guys arent exclusive that’ll come off clingy. GL

  14. My best friend is a guy, and I have 2 other guy friends. Early 30s. We chill. At my house or theirs, at least twice a week, sometimes three. Go to movies, play video games, barhop, even Thanksgiving and Christmas with eachothers families. We barely argue (friendly competition is as bad as it gets lol), have 0 drama. And if any of us has a potential partner we swing thru with them so they can get to know us. Some stick around for awhile and some don’t. Ofc me being a woman they are a bit overprotective of me, even tho they know I can tale care of myself dammit lol. And I’m the one they come to for “woman” advice lol. We love eachother and support eachother and have fun.

    I said all that to say this: you best fucking believe if I got a man that can’t handle me having 3 guys as friends even AFTER they have met them? Nope. They can move around cuz I refuse to waste my time being with someone who will ultimately make me choose between friends and a relationship (which has happened a few times before, sadly). I will always choose friends over a dude if given a choice. Boys come and go but friends are for life. Real talk and just my opinion

  15. Well personal experience it is possible for guys and girls to be friends. I’ve been friendly with plenty and I’ve never been attracted to them. Same with other people I know. Some people can be good as friends but may not be compatible as anything else.

    But also just be open and talk with her about it. But don’t let the jealousy consume you, because trust me I’ve seen this destroy some guys. However this is my personal opinion. It all still boils down to you.

  16. There’s 2 different definitions of “guy friend”. The guy friend who they see in passing and the guy friend who they talk to on a regular basis. Common sense will tell you which one is truly the friend. Unless you’re in a active group chat, you don’t even talk to your own same sex friends all day everyday. If you do talk to them daily, it’s for a period of time, not all day.

    Don’t let anyone guilt you into folding on that boundary. I’ve learned, that if you’re called insecure, you won the argument/proved your point with validity. Look out for that. Unless you’re being a complete control freak or unreasonable, being called insecure is my new modern day red flag.

  18. Red flag is if she does not have many female friends. Women are very selective and if none want to be her friend or if she cannot get along with other women – there is a big issue with her.

  20. And I would venture to say 99% of them want to sleep with her. It comes down to you trusting her to be loyal, honest,and do the right thing. If she’s going out for a night on the town with the boys, coming home hammered at 2 a.m. then I’d be worried.

  21. I think some good litmus tests are to see whether guy friends are interested in getting to know you and form their own relationship with you, and whether they seem to be genuinely happy for you two as a couple. If they pass those tests they are probably real ones. If they act possessive, non-supportive, or attempt to make you feel like not part of the friend group – then I’d just have an open conversation with your gf about it. As long as you are really solid with her then she will see your perspective. Don’t act jealous or needy, just state what you are observing. Sometimes you’ll need to be the one to reach out to the other guy and show you want to be friends with them so they feel safe with you.

    My gf of 1 year has a lot of male friends and they are all super non-threatening and happy for us. They are now my good friends too. I’ve never asked if she has a romantic history with any of them because I genuinely don’t care, we love each other a lot and we both know that no one could come between us like that.

    All that said, I would definitely find it odd if she spent a ton of alone time with one other straight guy. Just be cool and have a chat about it.

  22. I’m bisexual and date bisexual women.

    People can be friends with people of the gender(s) they’re attracted to.

  23. Ask to hang out with the three of y’all! I have two best friends and one of them is a man and this is the best way to go.

  25. There is no problem with a girl having male friends. There are some red flags however.

    If the majority of friends are male because she claims women are too much drama. Red flag.
    If she has had a sexual relationship with the friend/s. Red flag.
    If she wants to spend more time with them, than you. Red flag.
    If she often cancels/changes plans with you, to be with them. Red flag
    If she doesn’t want you to meet them. Either individually or in a group setting. Red flag.
    If you are with the friend and she won’t allow an acceptable level of PDA. Red flag.

    You have to judge for yourself.

    Good luck.

  27. You’re either ok with it, or not. You either trust her or leave since you’re not compatible.

    Personal anecdote: I have a very slutty friend (she *loves* me calling her that) whom I absolutely love and adore…as a friend. She has the physical attractiveness too. But eh, not my cup of tea. She’s like really sophisticated, and definitely a great catch, but eh, not for me. She loves that I try to pimp her out and wing man the shit out of her when she’s single. She’s my best friend. I love her. But no thanks on the romance and sex part (because I’ve heard a little too much), *no offense dearest*. If a guy wanted to date her, I’d try to befriend the shit out of him.

    So, it all depends on how close he is. If he’s really close, he’ll try to be your friend too. Be his friend too, at least.

    Also, you’re not exclusive. It doesn’t matter right now.

  28. I have more platonic guy friends than most girls. If I wanted to date them I would have.

  29. I don’t personally see a reason to worry. People can be friends. If you’re feeling nervous about it, communicate your feelings in a kind way using “I” statements rather than coming off as blame-y. but don’t demand her to change her friendships for your comfort.

  30. It’s something you’re going to have to deal with.
    You guys aren’t exclusive so you’re going to have to accept their relationship. It has been there longer than you. I’d befriend her BFF and get in his good side. Maybe you all can become friends.
    Hopefully you’ll have more trust in her after you become exclusive. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
    Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you.

  31. One word

    Trust

    Should be as simple as that…if that’s a problem for you then you need to work on you…if she violates that then you are with the wrong person.

  32. I have a best girl friend who has a boyfriend and just had a baby and we hang out together alone all the time. Our relationship is purely platonic and I respect her and her relationship. I really think such situations depends on her guy friends, are they mature decent people?

  33. Ask yourself, why is it that you feel that way?

    Do you feel like their friendships aren’t really friendships but instead something else?

    Do you think she wants them to become something else?

    Do you compare yourself to them?

    Whatever the case, it might be good to try and rationalize it – and remember, she isn’t dating any of them, she’s dating you, and that’s because she chooses to.

    On a side note, how would you feel about her having friends from any gender if she was bi/pan?

  35. >I can’t stop myself

    This.

    You don’t handle the women.

    You handle yourself.

    You learn to love and respect yourself.

    You learn to value yourself, become self aware, and increase your self-esteem.

    When you know your value, you don’t fear of getting replaced or lose your partner to someone else.

    You don’t need someone else anymore to give you the confirmation of being valuable, you don’t need someone else to feel in love, you don’t need anyone else to have fun and joy in your life anymore because everything comes from inside yourself.

    Once you reached that level, you will do anything in life in life with much more ease.

    If you want to have fun and go partying, you will do this independently if other people join you or not.

    If someone joins you, it’s a nice bonus which is totally fine to accept and be even happier about it.

    And if someone doesn’t want to join your company, this is totally fine because you are not dependent on others.

    From this level, your relationships will have a much higher quality and you will also attract much more quality partners.

    This can even go so far that you wouldn’t even care if she has sexual activities with others, which she probably won’t have because humans don’t have the intrinsic need to cheat.

    Only people who are not happy, relationships where communication and therefore needs and desires are lacking, will have the opportunity to get cheated on.

    Even men and women who cheat regularly are only seeking to fill the emptiness inside them and trying to fill it by receiving it from other people. They are emotionally dependent on others because they are not able to give them these feelings on their own. This is what the majority of people do, so don’t feel bad if anyone feels caught. I used to do this too, this is pretty normal in our society.

    Sometimes it’s also a negative belief like “I am not worth a good relationship” which makes you automatically manipulate yourself and your relations on a subconscious level.

    If we truly believe in something, our subconscious mind will simply accept this without questioning it and make us automatically act in such a way that this belief will be confirmed.

    Also called: **Self-fulfilling prophecy**.

    The important part here is: “positive thinking” won’t help you.

    Since it’s on a subconscious level, you must FEEL it.

    Your feelings are controlled by your mental interpretation of the events in your life.

    If you drive your car on a highway and get into a traffic jam, are you mentally interpreting it as something bad and get mad about it, or are you grateful for the situation and thank god or an angel that they created this traffic jam because you might drove too fast and would get into a crash if this traffic jam wouldn’t slow you down?

    If you get cheated on by a woman, do you get sad and create a conclusion that every woman is cheating, or are you grateful that this ONE woman spared you years of wasted time and now you have the opportunity to find someone better?

    Depending on your beliefs, you will subconsciously act and automatically change your whole life without even noticing it.

    This is one of the reasons you should be very careful to use “I am” with something negative because you are setting yourself up to manipulate your life on a subconscious level.

    Imagine your subconscious mind as something like a supercomputer.

    The majority of people don’t have the manual for this supercomputer and therefore other people can program and install any sort of app inside them. These apps can slow you down, can control your behavior, can be viruses and trojans, and so much more!

    Conclusion: Work on your personality. Become self-confident and learn to value yourself. Otherwise, not a single woman on earth will ever meet your requirements, even those who will stay away from all the men will still make you feel jealous all the time and fear that she might cheat. Every single breath will count as a try to cheat. You will manipulate your relationship on a subconscious level and mentally force her to actually cheat on you.

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