There’s a lot of examples for this but here’s what’s bothering me the most:
– So we were planning on having kids together. I got pregnant once, misscaried, and had d&c.The doctors told me to wait 6-7 months until I get pregnant again. There’s a month and a half left till we can start trying for a baby. This morning he asked if he can cum inside and I said no, he did it anyway. At the beginning of our relationship he also used to do it all the time, after I explicitly said that I don’t want to beforehand. (This was when I was still not sure if I wanted kids, and he said he was “fine” with it and he’ll “wait” till I make up my mind, but basically when we had sex acted like no words were said).
– He says that his horniness is my “responsibility” and that we need to have sex anytime he gets hard. I tried setting boundaries, for example: no sex in the middle of the night. He used to wake me up at least 2 times a night, and then I basically felt drained at work. I would understand if it was just sometimes, but it was every.single.day for weeks. I’m used to having 6-8 hours of continuous sleep and not having that really annoyed me. Lately he stopped doing this so often.
– He also used to keep going after I say no. I say I don’t want to and he still does it. Everytime he did this it turned me off so much that he doesn’t care if I’m into it?? The more he pressured me the more I didn’t want it. This also doesn’t happen that often anymore.
– He constantly tells me how he needs me to be more assertive, initiate more, and how he’s unsatisfied with our sex life. He said we need to do it all the time. There was never a single time that we cuddled for longer than 5 minutes without him trying to have sex (unless we did it beforehand). And the thing is I am attracted to him, and at the beginning I didn’t initiate because I was shy but now I think my libido is just dead.
– He constantly watches porn/instagram and jerks off next to me in bed, and after that he turns to me to fuck. Gets grumpy when I don’t want to. He sexts/flirts with other women. When we go out he ogles and compliments and comments on them all the time. It feels like we’re two bros hanging out. He makes sure to compliment them on something I don’t have. He showes me models on ig all the time and basically tells me how he would fuck them?? Once we fucked and there was a mirror behind him, we were in RCG and when I turned around I saw him looking at a girl on his phone.
– He took videos and pics during sex without me knowing/looking and sent it without me knowing.(he told one girl “I recorded it for you”). When I found out I said I don’t want that and he said that i’m being dramatic because my face isn’t showing and no one knows who I am?? I caught him doing it again after that. I also think he webt on omegle or some other sites during the deed. I don’t like being in any position where my back is turned to him because it gives me anxiety…
– And lastly when we fight he yells at me, cusses me out, even mentions my mom casually when he’s swearing, he also told me a couple of times how much he wants to hit me (he never hit me yet). He said this is justified because i’m being a brat and disrespectful.
– Also I forgot he “forbid” me from going to the gym which I loved going to and I felt so good about myself for once. His reasons are that I didn’t tell him beforehand that i’m going to go to the gym and he thought I was “cheating”.
– If I remember anything else I’ll add it.
None of this is normal right…? I love my bf to bits and he can be so sweet so cute and so so amazing. He is generous and helps anyone. He is reliable and competent. He is funny. He really isn’t a genuinely bad person?? I don’t know why he thinks the stuff above is normal or acceptable? Does he know they’re bad and picked me because he knows I’m “weak” and I would take it. I really hope that’s not the case since I really love him and wish we could fix this. I’m definitely not staying if nothing gets fixed.. It feels dehumanizing honestly.
30 comments
He has been raping you consistently. I’m sorry, but you need to get out asap and do not have kids with this man.
Get the fuck out of there as soon as you can! He abuses you both sexually and mentally. He is a ticking time bomb.
Don’t have kids with this guy
Run fast. Do not have kids with this man.
Honey, there’s someone out there that will treat you so much better than this. Not a single thing you’ve said here says he’s a good guy. Why do you feel like you need to stay with him? You’re wasting precious time on this cockroach of a boy. He’s helping everyone but you, the person that matters. He’s dehumanizing you, your own words. He’s not healthy in his mind and needs help but not help from you, not help you can give him.
You are describing an abusive relationship. You need to leave him ASAP and don’t turn around. You deserve better, everything you mentioned bothered you does not describe a real man. Go, quick!!
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST FUCKING RUN GET THE FUCK OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT NOW THIS DUDE IS A PIECE OF SHIT. GET THE FUCK OUT.
If you were waiting for a clear warning, there it is. This isn’t “boundaries” this is some piece of shit abusing you for months and trying to get you pregnant.
#GET OUT NOW
No no please get out he is MASSIVELY abusive
No he genuinely is a fucking terrible person. He’s been raping you, and abusing you. It’s not normal, and it’s not OK. GET OUT 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This man doesn’t make it impossible to set boundaries. He very knowingly and purposefully ignores and crosses your boundaries, and somehow some way you feel like it’s you who’s bad at boundaries.
That’s the polite way of putting it. In reality he has raped you on multiple occasions, doesn’t give a single shit about your needs and opinions, and is incredibly… I mean astonishingly immature – his hard on is your responsibility and you *must* have sex with him… whatttt?!???
Trust me, the miscarriage was the best thing to ever have happened to you! Run! RUN! Pack your stuff and go before he gets you pregnant again!
It’s not going to get any better, he is going to continue to abuse you, and after you give birth, you’re basically stuck with him. You can leave, sure, but a 22yo single mom on the dating market isn’t the place to be.
Do yourself the biggest favour you could ever do and get out while the getting is good!
Why are you trying to have kids with this man? This is extremely irresponsible. You might subject yourself to this but a baby doesn’t deserve this. He sounds very abusive and like a horrible, horrible person
So… like… why the fuck are you with this guy? He is a piece of garbage and he is treating you like a fleshlight. Worse actually.
He doesn’t care about you beyond what you can do for him and he very clearly has no respect for you in any way.
Get away from this guy immediately. Your safety and well-being depends on it.
This man is pure unadulterated filth and the only boundaries that should be set is between him and the rest of society.
Leave this animal.
He is trying to baby trap you. R U N.
Do not have a baby with this man Jesus Fkn Christ
Everyone says to get out, and that’s true. I have one more important thing:
Do not get a kid! DO NOT GET A KID. This is for both you and the potential child. This will most likely end in trauma for both you and the child. DON’T GET A CHILD!
This made me want to cry. NONE of this is acceptable. Get out now!! You deserve better!
Girl, this guy is raping you and abusing you. No matter how horny he is (which sounds more like a sex addiction with all the porn and so going on) you are not responsible of fulfilling his needs.
He is a fully grown man in a (for what I read) monogamous relationship. And he should behave like that or go and find another partner that fulfills them. But if you don’t feel comfortable you shouldn’t do it.
My honest advice is to leave this relationship. It seems unfortunately that he is not considering you as a partner and human being but more like a fleshlight. Either he gets his shit together and starts working on all those problems or you would be very unhappy on this relationship.
Like everyone said – you have to get out of this relationship. But I know it’s very difficult so if you can’t bring yourself to do it just now PLEASE don’t get pregnant again. He wants to TRAP YOU.
You framed it as not being able to set boundaries. But you already have done it, it’s just him who is ignoring them.
He is being abusive in almost every possible way even tho he hasn’t hit your. He is going against your health (by trying to get you pregnant despite the doctors advice), your mental health, your wishes and feeling, against the boundaries you ALREADY HAVE communicated to him. Ignoring your decisions, needs. He is also depriving you of the things that make you feel good about yourself (gym) because the worse you feel the easier it is to control you.
The way I see it you have absolutely no say in what happens in your life. And that’s his goal probably.
And I have been there and know that this is probably having a profound effect on you and your life – and you might not realize it. But please try to seek help, surround yourself with other people and try to untangle yourself from him because you deserve so much better.
Girl the good doesn’t outweigh the bad in this situation, I don’t care if he’s a saint otherwise there is no excuse. That’s what’s hard about these relationships, bad people often aren’t bad all the time.
Look up what love bombing is.
You’re in an abusive relationship. Go to r/survivorsofabuse
…you’ve been being raped systematically the duration of your relationship.
He really *is* a genuinely bad person. He just knows how to behave.
>none of this is normal right…?
**NO, NO IT’S NOT. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.**
This reads horribly and I’m sorry to put it this way, but:
‘So my BF is basically the worst person in the world, is this normal?
What you’ve just described is a rapist, an abuser, a narcisstic and pyschopath all in 1. And you’re asking if this is normal?
NO IT ISN’T. Get the fuck out now!
in abusive relationships we often see this cycle:you mention that he is sweet, cute and reliable, but also explain how he permanently violates your consent and, frankly, keeps doing criminal offenses to you. This is on purpose because when he mistreats you you keep thinking that soon he will be good again.
I was once in a position on a relationship on which i was being abused an thought i couldn’t leave and that I would be alone because if the only one who loved me treated me like that, then i could only expect the worst from others. That is not the truth. He knows you think you are “weak” as you say, and he’s preying on that. The weaker and powerless you feel, the more likely you are to stay with him.
Nothing of what you describe is normal or tolerable, you don’t deserve to be treated like that. Try talking to a friend or a loved one, and create a plan to safely leave him. Make sure he doesn’t get you pregnant. Good luck.
How can you type this out and not run for the fucking hills?
Imagine your best friend or little sister writing this, what would your advice to them be?
National Domestic Violence hotline
800.799.SAFE (7233)
Literally with every passing bullet point I thought, “wow, well, at least it can’t get any worse” and then it did
I will give it to you straight, no sugarcoating.
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>he can cum inside and I said no, he did it anyway.
That’s illegal, because it’s rape.
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>his horniness is my “responsibility” and that we need to have sex anytime he gets hard.
That’s also illegal – he’s pressuring you to have sex against your will.
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>He also used to keep going after I say no.
That’s rape. And it’s illegal.
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>There was never a single time that we cuddled for longer than 5 minuteswithout him trying to have sex (unless we did it beforehand).
Because, I’m sorry, but he doesn’t cuddle with his sex toys.
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>He took videos and pics during sex without me knowing/looking and sent it without me knowing.
That’s illegal – he’s making porn with you without your consent.
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>I love my bf to bits
You don’t a boyfriend. You have a dangerous criminal, rapist and abuser, who threatens you with physical violence. But you can change him, right? He definetly will stop raping because you will ask nicely.
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>why he thinks the stuff above is normal or acceptable?
Because he is dangerous criminal, rapist and abuser. He should be in jail.
More importantly, why do *you* think this is acceptable?
Also, why do you think that your digusting rapist is good enough to let him reproduce with you? Honestly *any* other option seems like a better choice at this point.
At least get an implant/take pills and don’t bring an innocent child into this “fixing a disuisting criminal” project.
There are plenty of comments that suggest you to run. I’ll suggest you to open up your country’s laws on rape and domestic abuse, read them and see for yourself how unacceptable even one instance of what your “bf” does actually is.
Then, maybe read about how pregnancy affects domestic abuse and how high your chances of survival will be.
Then, read about child abuse and how often children suffer from their fathers. Think, what if you die and the child will be left with that disguisting person? Will it be your child’s responsibility when he gets horny? He’s unable ti control himself at all, so why not?
It’s unfixable, run.
Source: my father was like this. No impulse control, abusive, misogynist. My stepmom suffered from him greatly, and a good person she once was became firstly an empty shell, then heroin addict, eventually she ran away and left her daughter (my sister) with him. Luckily he died a couple years later. You don’t want anything like this in your life.
I stopped reading after the first three points all were sexual assault and rape. He’s raping you. No mean no. Even if you are dating someone/married to someone NO MEANS NO. If he “does it anyway” he’s RAPING you.
> Does he know they’re bad and picked me because he knows I’m “weak” and I would take it. I really hope that’s not the case since I really love him and wish we could fix this.
This is 100% the case.
Every single sexual instance you’ve described here is rape/sexual assault. Him continuing to have sex when you say no is beyond debate, beyond a shadow of a doubt, rape. This is sexual abuse and emotional abuse. You made this post bc despite his manipulation you know on some level that this is very wrong.
He is also cheating on you by sexting other women and sending videos to them (not to mention that is also sexual assault) He deliberately compliments other women in front of you to break down your self-esteem. Please google abusive relationships, you’ll find that most signs apply to your relationship.
Get out as soon as you can. It most likely will get physical since he keeps threatening you (you yourself said he hasn’t hit you “yet”) do not get married or have kids with him, it’ll get so much worse bc he then has you on “lockdown”