What are the perks of dating you?

29 comments

1. Bad puns and free tech support

2. You’ll get honesty, loyalty, sarcastic wit, and I come with a hot wife.

3. you can watch me dump thousands of dollars into a truck that might run for a month before i do something else to it and i leave for work at 4 and get home early so i guess theres that

4. I am having quarter-life crisis

   there are no perks atm

5. I bathe once a week whether I need it or not.

6. I’m funny, good cook, and sling mad dong. Also have tools and good at fixing things I guess.

7. I will spoil the shit out of you until it ends up making you hate everything in the world is apparently the main perk.

8. nothing. unless there’s any women that want a useless wussy pathetic boyfriend who bitches and complains about everything then nah no perks.

9. Food, wine, and adventure.

10. I’m a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen

11. I come with 2% cash back on gasoline purchases. 1000 bonus points if you use me in the first three months.

12. Dad jokes, blanket forts, and all the oversized hoodies you can want. Basically I’m a feminist in the streets and the patriarchy in the sheets.

13. I have knowledge on random stuff, we could win some trivia nights.

14. I won’t cheat because I can’t cheat.

    Also I can fix most of the random household stuff.

15. I’m a good listener and I can keep a conversation going.

16. Nothing that really stands out just the bare minimum.

    – I can fix most shit like cars, furniture, tech, etc.
    – I can cook, knowledgeable in most Italian dishes.
    – I have military-like discipline with cleanliness and tidiness.
    – I have an iceman temperament and can’t really yell even if I tried.
    – I listen more than I talk so I can understand what’s truly bothering you even if its something stupid.
    – I love animals. Got 2 dogs
    – Pretty fashionable. Most of my clothes are tailored and I ‘clean up’ real good for social events.
    – Honest. Sometimes too honest. ‘Yes, that dress makes you look fat. Wear the other one instead’.
    – I can go at it for at least four rounds 😉

    Pretty meh, if you ask me

17. I can be your best bud… but also your boyfriend. It’s basically a 2-for-1 deal.

18. I’m gay, biggest perk is emotional support. If my partner cries, I’ll hold him (if he wants). If he’s angry, I’ll try to get his mind on something else. If he’s tired, I’ll snuggle him. If he’s sick, I’ll make him soup and make sure he has blankets on the couch.

19. I’m good at cooking and will teach you/encourage you to eat healthy (and cone up with solutions that align to your goals). I consider it my part time job to feed you. I’ll ask you what you’re eating all the time. Introduce you to new food.

    I give lots of kisses, hugs and cuddles. I’m like a cat. I like cosying up to people I care about. I’ll also tell you I love you st least once a day.

    I’m good at making people smile (sometimes laugh)

    I’m honest, open and vulnerable. If I think someone else might have a crush on me, you’ll probably be the first to know. Also, might even ask your advice on how to handle the situation

    If you’re struggling with something, I’ll listen to you. If you want to be comforted, I’ll give you another perspective which will make you feel better. If you want advice, I got plenty of that too. After our counselling session, I’ll give you a nice backrub.

    I’m a good talker and listener. I make friends everywhere I go. Would be excellent at meeting your parents.

    I’m a dreamer with my head in the clouds. I’ll encourage any realistic/healthy goal you have. But I’m pretty down to earth in the way I treat people.

    I won’t expect you to conquer the world. I’m non-judgemental and think people don’t need to productive 24/7 and working 100 hour weeks is just silly

    Finally, I come with perks like my brilliant, wonderful, sexy partner – who helped me realise the above.

    Only caveat I’ll say is that while I do leave food everywhere so you’ll never starve, one of my downsides is that you’ll also find hair everywhere. In your shower, bed, a cupboard I’ve never been in, on your floor, in your armpit, in your fridge. I will shed so much hair that you’ll start wondering wondering how I haven’t gone bald.

20. Actually funny and fun sarcasm, great hugs, a general sense of safety and security, and an unbelievable amount of trust and loyalty. Plus, I like to surprise my partner with fun ideas. Imagine coming home only to be grabbed by your SO and dragged into a pillow fort for a movie night together. No responsibilities allowed. Only popcorn and gummy bears. Phones get turned off and it’s just a night for us.

21. I will happily knit my partner a hat.

22. I’m a fantastic cook and can prolly fix your car

23. I genuinely try to be a good person. This doesn’t seem to matter much in the dating world though…

24. Six figure salary, great cook, probably a whore, complex to take care of my partner

25. honestly I’m not entirely sure, to be honest I have a pretty low self image but I do stand by the following

    1. I can cook pretty damn good, and I’m pretty decent with a grill
    2. I can give pretty good massages
    3. I’m honest, and have a sarcastic sense of humor
    4. I’m open to ideas and not afraid to experiment in the bedroom.

26. I don’t text during the date

27. Silent farts, loud farts, smelly farts am all in one package 😘

28. You guys have perks????

29. A total fuckwit and poor. Choose someone else.