My girlfriend and I have been dating for some time now. She models for a lot of different types of brands like bikinis and things like that. I’m the opposite i don’t care much for social media and am a very private person. I also understand that she uses her social media for part of her job but at times I can’t help it to feel insecure because I know it also attracts the wrong kind of attention. I’m typically not an insecure person but constantly seeing men commenting and dming her can be annoying. I know it’s common for any pretty girl to get that kind of attention on the internet. However, what makes me feel insecure is that she is also constantly getting dmed by famous guys or guys with large followings offering to fly her out/buy her things pretty often. She tries to reassure me but It’s not like I can know what goes on all the time. She’s constantly getting attention/validation from other men whether she craves it or not. It makes me want attention from outside as well which I hate because that’s not who I am. Relationships are already difficult. Sometimes It makes doubt the relationship and makes me think that I’d be more happy not having to deal with extra stress. I also don’t completely express how I feel because I want to respect her privacy and what she does. On the flip side she will get upset with me for liking female friends pictures on the rare occasion that I do, even childhood friends that I had known for most my life. I feel stuck because I’m not completely sure how to communicate how I feel about these things or that I even should.
TLDR: she gets a lot of attention from people with money or fame and it makes me insecure.
7 comments
You need to tell her and if she wont change it you need to drop her, sooner or later your relationship will go through a rough patch and she will have easy access to “take some time off” somewhere else.
If you didn’t know about the DMs that’s when you should be worried. Count yourself lucky you’ve got a good looking honest girlfriend
Do not ask her to change. The best thing you can do OP is just communicate the things that make you uncomfortable and try to come up with a solution. This isn’t in the… “it makes me uncomfortable, you need to stop” way. More in the “this makes me uncomfortable, I think what would help me is a little more transparency when guys DM you” or expressing why you want more reassurance way.
Honestly, the nature of her fame isn’t going to change. If you can’t deal with your insecurities about her and her job, then that’s on you. I would suggest being as open and honest as possible and if it’s not something you can overlook, then move on. Personally though, instead of becoming insecure, I would just enjoy the fact that my gf is beautiful and has all this attention, but at the end of the day, she’s with me. I would suggest you take up a similar mindset and relax on the jealousy a bit.
Now onto her jealousy of you liking other girls pictures. I would just be completely honest and offer her reassurance back. You could say something like “Hey I understand that you may view this action in this way, but it is absolutely not like that for me. These girls are my friends and I have no interest in them beyond anything platonic. I understand that you might be feeling worried about this action, is there anything I can do to communicate better to alleviate some of that stress from you?” Obviously make it sound less robotic, but you get the jist. Offer her reassurance and ask how you can communicate better.
Remember, communication is key!!! It solves every problem you could think of.
This is actually a pretty amazing opportunity for you to emotionally level up while staying in your relationship… it will seem challenging at first, but stay with me in this one.
It seems to me that your girlfriend is making the most of the hand nature and patriarchy have dealt her: she’s a young, attractive woman in the age of the internet. This means that she can trade her looks for money, which if you think about it, is pretty shrewd.
Now, I’ve been a young woman with pretty privilege, and let me tell you:
The attention gets boring rather quickly. As soon as you see beneath the surface, you realise that being valued for your beauty and youth is quite hollow, and is not a route to personal fulfilment. And the older you get, the more you see that most of the men who publicly shower you with attention and compliments will just as quickly show you aggression, hostility and prejudice if you so much as look at them the wrong way.
Being beautiful, pretty, sexy or cute as a woman does not bring you respect or appreciation. It can actually make you feel pretty unsafe a lot of the time.
Your girlfriend, I promise you, already knows all of this. She knew it when she chose you as her partner.
You now have the opportunity to see yourself as everything those men who who DM her are not. You have the opportunity to show this person real love, respect, appreciation and maturity. You get to be the real man. The one man who doesn’t send her gross messages, who doesn’t insult or shame her the moment she fails to perform for you. You get to see beyond the image she curated for others, and be the partner she really deserves.
And if you can do this work, then I promise you will become a different kind of man for it. A man who chooses every day to look himself in the eye and be better than most men have the courage to become.
This is your challenge.
You need to get over it, or you’re going to mess things up otherwise her and it sounds like there are plenty of guys waiting to take your spot who won’t complain and make her feel bad for enjoying social media and her job. Seriously, grow up
I’m pretty sure that this has been stolen from r/bestofredditorupdates
Sounds like double standards to me. Why does she get jealous if you like a female’s picture? Yet she has guys DM’ing her?!