I’m an easy target. I have the punchline of jokes my entire life. I detest this. Sometimes I can have a good laugh because I learned to laugh at myself, I even make fun of myself at times, but some people are just hurtful, and whenever I try to healthily express my discomfort they bring out the “I was just kidding” card, making me look even worse and without a sense of humor. I want to know ways in which I can device witty, yet firm comebacks to this line.
Any suggestions?
31 comments
“Your personality kind of sucks!” Big smile. “Just kidding.”
you could always go with the simple “jokes are supposed to be funny, (insert their name here)”. saying someone’s name always brings attention to your seriousness. if you’re going for a stronger setting of boundaries, less wit, i would suggest (especially if they’re poking fun at your lack of ability to take a joke) “i can take a joke. i just dont take disrespect disguised as a joke. and that was disrespect.”
“So was your Mum when she said she loved you”
how do you express your discomfort? It will give me some insight into the proper witty comeback or response.
I would redirect their comment back at them and put them in the hot spot.
When they say, “I’m just kidding”, reply with a simple “Are you?” with a smirk and then follow it up with “How?” with a smile. Don’t say anything. Let the silence get uncomfortable for them that they feel the need to give a response, which will be a lame reason. End the interaction with another simple reply “I don’t think so” and immediately walk or turn away. 1000x cool points for you for even trying this.
Ugh. I went to elementary school with a girl who would mess with me and then decide if she was “just kidding” based on how I reacted.
She’d chastise me for moving her backpack to put up a chair, and if I apologized she’d tell me she was just kidding and make me look stupid for apologizing when she *clearly* wasn’t actually bothered. But if I didn’t apologize she would insist she was serious until I did. I didn’t realize she was bullying me until I randomly remembered her in college.
I don’t really remember what I did. I think I just stopped talking to her. I *think* we were friends before that? We were friendly with each other except for those types of interactions. But I guess it’s possible that she didn’t like me from the start and I just couldn’t take a hint. Though it’s not like my shy ass was going out of my way to talk to her.
I got off track. One thing you could say is “I know you weren’t” but very cheerfully and laugh, so they don’t get away with it *and* they can’t make it look like you have no sense of humor. They get bored when they can’t figure out how to bother you
You don’t need to be witty, yet firm – you need to let go of your fear to “seem without a sense of humor”. NO ONE FINDS IT FUNNY WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS BEING HURTFUL. It’s not “lacking humour” – that’s what bullies will CLAIM, to try to make you tolerate their bullying.
So my answers would be:
If it’s more of a “the other person is a bit of a doofus” hurtful: (in that case they’d say “I was just joking” in an apologetic way”, probably)
“OK, well I’d rather we joke about other things, okay?” or something that symbolizes that you double down but are friendly.
If the person was mean-spirited and said “I was just joking” in a REPROACHFUL way, you can just go full boundary:
“Well it’s not funny to me.”
Just ignore the joke that’s offensive and the person who made it, don’t grant them any attention until they show to you they’re willing to play nice.
By ‘show’ I mean, politeness, deference in their speech or manner towards you.
Don’t voice out your discomfort, punish the action by withholding attention.
Saw this on YouTube interview with a celebrity.
I always try to say well
“what did you mean by that?”
and it forces them to explain or they bumble.
I once responded with a dead serious tone that scared the prankster, approaching him to the point he thought i was about to beat him. It make me look bad to everyone but at least he stopped picking on me.
Whatever you try from this comment section, know that the attacker and their supporters won’t like you standing up for yourself and setting your boundaries. Seeing who is genuinely sorry for you and who is against your decision to not getting shit on for free is a great opportunity to separate real friends from those who keep you in their friend ring just to treat you as their emotional punching bag.
Instead of being offended or trying to say a clever comeback, agree with the person who insulted you and dismiss it.
“haha yeah I do smell like decomposing goat, it’s true’, and shrug.
They want a reaction out of you. Refuse to give it. Don’t play the game.
The worse the insult, the better it works.
‘haha you are right, I can’t get a date’
‘haha yup, you f-cked my mom alright. Anyway.’
It’s subtle but you could say “what do you mean?”.
Explaining a joke kills it and if it’s mean having them explain it will take the humor away and show how mean it is. Jonah Hill does this really well.
Ask them to explain the joke
It’s not a problem if you tell someone you don’t like that kind of joke and ask them to not repeat it. Anyone who doesn’t respect that answer, probabbly won’t respect you and your boundaries.
Just stop hanging with people like that. They are not worth it . Hurting others because they hurt you only perpetuates the cycle of abuse. They were only kidding as long as no one was offended. Other then that they were not kidding. There is a difference in good natured ribbing and being hurtful. The phrase you can’t take a joke is used when they didn’t mean it as a joke.
Best thing to do is dump them nd find some real friends tht have your interest in mind as you do theirs
“I’m surprised you’re comfortable with saying that”
“You’re not funny, so it’s hard to tell.”
My default when anyone says a thing offensive is to just say “What a weird thing to say”. And stare at them.
honestly the best way to joke around when someone is joking with you is to dish it back at them. don’t let your anger show, but roasting them back is the way to go
I just reply with ‘it’s not appreciated’ – it’s not often that I find myself bothered by comments, it’s only really when they’re in poor taste about myself or someone else that I’ll respond, but calling them out on it is almost always a good idea.
Oh my bad. Can you explain it to me? I didn’t get it.
“what’s the joke?”
You first have to make a decision, one that you are actually going to stick to, in regards to your long-term goal/ situation with the people involved in these scenarios.
Perhaps you decide that you don’t want to interact with these people at all because they are not a good fit for your lifestyle. In that case, do not interact at all – reminding yourself to refuse to hear what is said about you.
Perhaps you decide you do want to maintain a bond with these people. Well, this is a two-way street – do they want to maintain a bond with you even if they cannot joke with you? They are allowed to choose NOT to maintain a relationship with you if you react negatively to what they enjoy. In this case, do not interact at all – reminding yourself to refuse to hear what is said about you.
Perhaps you and they agree that maintaining a relationship is more important than whether or not certain jokes are permissible. You detail your boundary calmly and clearly, and extend grace where you can as they actively practice not crossing the line. They may slip up from time to time, especially if you are the only friend that has this boundary. Don’t ignore the slip – point it out quickly and calmly, but remind yourself that you believe their intention is NOT to harm you. This is when I’d bring out your Kindergarten Teacher-type of voice to say, ” Nuh-uh, remember! You don’t get to make that kind of joke with me,” and then re-direct. After a reasonable number social gatherings like this, it should not be happening anymore… although it may resurface if/when the person is drinking.
“Fuck off”
My uno reverse card is when someone throws down a perceived discomforting joke is to wait for a second or two has passed where no one laughs or even receives a pity chuckle then I would respond with “dang that joke fell flat”. This would amplify that the joke that was used was either not funny for the general audience or if escalated would ask for clarification which if the joke needs explaining then the joke is not funny to begin with.
The bigger crime than disrespecting me is not being funny
You tell ’em –
“NO, you were NOT”….while giving them an eye stare like you’re ready to commit a murder.
This is an aggression check. He’s trying to see if you are above or below him by checking to see how you react. I would just put my hand out in front of his face and condescendingly say “Someone had too much candy” and just treat him like a toddler.
“Well I found it hurtful.”
”It’s only kidding if EVERYone laughs.”
”Really – you’ll have to explain that one to me because from here, it just looks like you flat-out insulted me.”
”Well your kidding seems just mean.”
I saw this in another thread, “Oh wow. You actually said that out loud. How embarrassing for you.”