Hey everyone, we’ve been together for several months and it’s been going great, everything amazing, great vibe, great physical attraction, and has all the boxes ticked. Lately, we were texting, some topic came up and i talked to him about how amazing it was and how it felt so safe to hug my ex, because he had broad shoulders, was very big, mascular and tall, and my bf just replied ”ouuch :(‘, but then put some laughing emojis, and the topic ended normally, without much fuss.. (he’s kinda skinny with a smaller frame, so i guess that’s why he felt bad). But now it seems like he’s hugging me less/withholding physical intimacy, and i am afraid if it’s something i said, I’m super overwhelmed now, i am not sure if it’s just my anxiety either. I need some help.
20 comments
Sounds like you have bruised his self confidence. Start dishing out compliments on why you like him so he feels like he isn’t wasting his time.
Sounds like he’s insecure because you’re comparing him unfavourably to your ex.
My boyfriend is withholding physical intimacy –> I hurt my boyfriends confidence and now he doesnt feel comfortable hugging me
How would you feel if your boyfriend talked about how great it was to hug his ex’s? Like “oh yeah it was so great to hug her she has such a great waist, boobs and body frame.”
Go apologize and tell him how great he is. Stop comparing. Give him space to forgive him and let him come to you.
Lesson learned!! Something are better kept to yourself. How would you feel if he had said, my ex girlfriend have the biggest breast and tasty &$@, your selfsteam will be hurting.
Well you would know better next time.
I find your lack of awareness truly astonishing.
In my personal experience never say anything that could be taken as comparing someone to an ex.
Um…Genuinely curious. Why would you tell him that, and what exactly were you expecting?
In case you struggle to understand how your boyfriend feels, imagine that he describes his ex looks, which would be opposite to your looks. Now imagine him saying that sex with that ex felt amazing because of those differences. If you imagined this well, you’d probably feel like “ouuch:(“. Later, you wouldn’t really like doing things that would directly involve those body features you do not have, you’d feel not enough but you’d still hug him cause you love him, but also keep some distance, just like your boyfriend. I’d advice couple’s therapy cause likely, later you’d be able to pinpoint this exact “ouuch” moment from which your relationship went downhill.
You’re definitely not at fault here cause you just expressed your genuine feelings about your ex. Why did you go for a guy that lacks those body features to make you feel safe? Feeling safe is really important. Now, maybe you do feel safe with your current boyfriend too, but the way you described that feeling of safety and paired it up with your ex body features that your boyfriend clearly lacks… this would imply that you’re not feeling safe with your boyfriend. It’s no wonder he’s keeping distance from you and also likely feeling guilty about doing so cause “it’s his responsibility to be tall, big and strong” while he’s not. You can only clarify some things but you can’t erase what you said cause it seemed really genuine, strong and significant to you.
On a joking side, your boyfriend should say that his ex was very tight and it felt so good having sex with her, just so you two would be even.
You really don’t know if “it’s something you said”. Hopefully, you do now. What to do about it depends on your boyfriend but you two need to talk. I don’t see you actually able to navigate the feelings and “fix” things that’s why I recommend couple’s therapy. He likely would say it’s no big deal but you can tell from his behaviour that it is.
Take care of yourself.
Hopefully she’s single by the time she realizes no one is validating her and giving her reason in the comments
> talked to him about how amazing it was and how it felt so safe to hug my ex, because he had broad shoulders, was very big, mascular and tall
>i am afraid if it’s something i said
well……….. yeah?
ma’am, do you know what an “internal monologue” is? did your bf very specifically ask you how big, muscular, and tall your ex was?
holy cow…
okay. the thoughts of how awesome your ex were _remain in your head from now on, okay?_ there is never a time when your mate wants to hear that.
next: your relationship, like all relationships, will run into trouble from time to time (especially if you don’t figure out that “internal monologue” thing we talked about…) youre going to have to learn to communicate with your partner.
so yeah, you probably fucked up and said something hella stupid… time to fix it. tell him you are sorry, tell him what you are sorry for, and tell him how you’ll prevent it from happening again.
and then maybe start giving the things you say some sort of review in the ol’ noggin _before_ you say em, eh? it’s what separates us from the animals, so you should give it a try!
Idk I think you should check in with the ex cause ur about to be single
Wow wow wow
Put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. What if your bf said ‘It was sooooo nice to hold my ex close and play with her breasts. They were the perfect size and shape.’
Wow. You’re so thoughtless and cruel. I would be done with you.
Wow. So you basically said “my ex was bigger, better built and made me feel more secure than you”, insulting his manhood and inferring he was lesser than your ex. Why didn’t you tell him he had a tiny dick whilst you were at it?
I said my boyfriends dick is much smaller than my ex’s and for some reason he’s upset.
Withholding affection in this case is a natural and understandable reaction. He’s probably going to withhold the whole relationship soon. This gotta be a ragebait.
He’s not “withholding affection”, he’s been badly hurt by your very weird, thoughtless comment. Every time he hugs you, he’ll be thinking, “well, she’d rather be hugged by her ex, because she LITERALLY SAID THAT”
That was so mean of you to say to him, he’s probably really really hurting. Was your goal to make him sad??
What did you think would happen. You basically emasculated your bf by saying your ex was bigger and “manlier”. For pretty much any dude that’s a kick in the nuts. Good luck fixing that. He probably thinks that you settled for him and aren’t over your ex