What do i do now?

My mind is in a mess right now. Long story short, caught my wife in some lies and deceit and I don’t think It can be rectified. Well at this point, its not possible now. Ive never been the one to end something, I usually stay no matter what and this time I was hurt too badly and just cant. There is so much on me right now, to the point of thinking of ending it wouldn’t be so bad. Ive been down the dark roads of suicide before in my life and had 2 unsuccessful attempts. About 10+ years now. i have 2 daughters now, and clearly not going that route.

​

This girl was it for me, I knew immediately we were meant to be, she felt the same. It was literally a perfect fairy tale, those don’t exist but here it was. We had been together almost 5yrs now, married for just over 2years. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and quite a bit thrown at us more recently. Life is really hard right now. This ending is so new to me, I don’t even know what to do right now or how to think, I just started typing because its all I can do. Over the years ive lost closest friends and most of my family, I have no one to turn to, for the first time in my life, I have no one at all to help me. Im not only losing the love of my life, im losing 2 great stepsons and our daughter. Our daughter was meant to be the happiest girl in the world, she would have her 2 parents together forever and be so proud of that fact growing up.

​

I just can shake my mind thought, why? Why lie and throw everything away like this? We had been through this before and it almost ended us.. so why again throw our relationship to the wolves like that? There was no respect on her part, I don’t know what happened, where did it go wrong?

​

Im currently waiting for her and her parents to grab some clothing and essentials from the house, this empty house now. What am I to do? Shes given up now, shes got no fight in her now. Im not confident id say no to working things out. A part of me just wishes shed call or bust through this door ad fight for this marriage, this family.. but I know in my heart she wont, looking back now, shes been emotionless here for a while. Itd be easy to say It was my fault or hers, but clearly something went wrong and we looked at this relationship differently. In my eyes, I gave it everything I had, this was it, I invested it all on this one. I can confidently say that I have left it all on the table, I fought the fight. I know I was done dirty, I was disrespected, I was betrayed.

​

Is it pride standing in the way? Should I have not made such a brash decision to end things? At times of thinking I feel guilty and such. How can I feel so utterly bad that this is my fault when she did the wrong doing?

​

Ive been divorced before and I know this is gonna hurt in waves, but the last one, all of our love was gone years before. This time, I had so much, too much love for this girl, so I can only imagine it hurting 50 times worse. Again I sit here alone typing to relax and just hoping and praying that this just magically fixes and we become happy again, id love to forgive her and pretend It didn’t happen but this is again, the 2nd time this has happened, so clearly a third attempt isn’t going to work.

​

I know all of the cliché things here, time will pass, pain passes, blah blah, it’s a phase, just a part of life. I know it will get better and I know im going to suffer a while. I don’t want to just try and get even or vengeance, I just want the feelings to go, its hard holding onto so much. I don’t want random chicks lining up to be by my side, I just wanted her to fight for me, wanted her to respect our marriage and work this out. I wanted a lot and maybe I expected too much.

​

How do I get by, how do I pass this time, what makes this easier? Is there a real answer? I don’t drink or do drugs, I workout as my only outlet, I don’t have people to talk to. Just simply, what do I do now?

​

TL;DR

found out wife was deceitful and threw our marriage and family away, just lost, no friends or family to get through this. what have yall done in similar situations thats helped?