So i’ve been toguether with my fiancé for 5 years and engaged for almost 1 year . Usually we do not fight a lot but these last few months we have had two very big discussions were i realised he does not think i am a good person . The first discussion started because i felt alone and i told him that i wanted to express my self and i was felling very lonely since he never had time nor wanted to be with me ( have a moment of intimissi phisically and psicologically ). His response to me telling him this was “there is a list of things that piss me off on you: you do not cook when i want, you never look the door , ….” The list continued
He also told me that i should show more enthusiasm with some things he does because it feels to him that i should be happier about his money and investments. In his words “ i feel that you do not give the necessary importance to the fact that i own an appartement and make more money than you” – like i would be jealous or not want him to have it.
I did not tell him what is kind of annoying on him because i feel like usually the good surpaces the bad and little annoyances are normal in a couple. And i swear i am happy that he has a good salary and an apartement of himself , i just feel i do not have the right to give much opinions about it because its not mine and he is the one that earned it.
So i figured ok i can do better so i started doing the things he asked .
The problem was , i fealt really criticised but i thought it would pass .
Then he started criticising my clothes that i wear at home and my looks in general. And then he started to criticising my face (because i had a pimple apeard on me ). At this point i was already doing the effort to correct all the things he told me he did not like.
And this is a guy that does not help out cleaning or doing laundry or whatever around the house for months now so i had my patience to its limit . I told him that instead of criticising me every day he could look at his all them self and help around the house once in a while .
I am feeling very unappreciated and undervalued
I mean i am not perfect , all i want his a loving and respectful relationship where i feel good with myself and that my boyfriend wants to spend a bit of time with me.
At this point after i told him to look at himself he stopped talking to me and it’s been a week and not even a single word from his side .
I am worried that i need to cancel the weeding but at the same time – i need to have a healthy relationship and not feel ugly and criticised and having to do everything at home .
What to do?!
Tl,DR: maybe ending engagement 6 months before our mariage…. Feeling undervalued
5 comments
I agree with you.
End it. He sounds cruel and bordering on abusive. Don’t marry this man. Move on.
Lmao it sounds like he wants a sugar baby, one who he owns because he pays for everything. I hope he makes a LOT more money than you because otherwise, he doesn’t get a cookie for having a good job if he’s shit at everything else. When you leave him, I suggest you send him to seeking arrangements, as it’s clear what he wants, but it isn’t a real, adult relationship.
So, the only positive things about this guy is that he has a job and owns his apartment. That’s…a really short list.
He wants to kick your legs out from under you so he can feel big and important. The guys showing and telling you that he is never going to be the partner you want him to be and getting married to him isn’t going to change anything. I think you should spend some time with yourself and look at what your options are for ending the relationship and what your life would look like without this dude because once you move in and take care of yourself, it’s probably going to be a lot better
Do not marry this man until the problems have resolved.
Or
Do not marry this man at all, dump him, and live life without being criticized all the time!