I am 22 years old and I’ve never made a friend. My social skills are nonexistent. I stutter when I talk, I don’t say much in conversations, and this makes me seem awkward, probably creepy too. I have trouble being assertive, I don’t set boundaries for myself. I feel too anxious and intimidated to stand up for myself when people mistreat me or bully me. I don’t know how to make small talk and I lie to myself by thinking that I don’t need to socialize and that I have transcended needing friends.
My body language is submissive, I can’t maintain eye contact and I can’t even afford good clothing to bolster my image. Everyone can smell my lack of confidence from a mile away.
Now… how can I fix all of this and become confident? Do I purchase courses? Read books? Walk out in the street and start fights with others?
How can I be confident, have good social skills, learn to make small talk, make friends and maintain those friendships, and seem interesting?
I know that I am deconditioned, but I can’t find a solution to these problems.
Please give me advice, thank you.
4 comments
Get a job in customer service. You will not only learn the basics: Greeting someone to engage in conversation. But you will go over them 100 times in a week and the repetition will make you better. Then you will learn how to listen and ask appropriate responses. The better you get, the easier the job will get. You might even get a chance to hear how you sound on a call which could help you as well.
I observe people and their interactions so I can figure out how people interact with others and pick the ones that elicit a good reaction. Then I mimic the things that I see. It should be things that I can do reasonably okay so it doesn’t come off as forced or fake. Btw, it’s okay to appear a little awkward or anxious while trying out these new things.
You are building knowledge and skills so it’s gonna have missteps.
I am also 22 years old. I was the same until I got into university.
The fear of being awkward if you talk which makes you not want to talk and which perpetuated an endless cycle.
I had trouble with small talk because I watch no sports nor watch any movies and I’m not really into politics.
You can take part in any conversation no matter how little you know about the topic.
Nodding, “Ah, I see”, “Why do you feel that it’s like that?”, these all require very little knowledge of the topic.
Just nodding itself is a good way of communication in a conversation.
If you browse through the internet especially reddit and youtube you’ll have a hundred topics you can talk. Guaranteed, most people wouldnt even know about it if they aren’t watching and reading the same stuff as you.
WallStreetBets Gamestop, Twitter’s downfall, metaverse’s fall, etc these are just stuff so public, anyone can talk about it. Just make sure that you don’t go overboard and start monologuing. Ask questions about their perspective, opinion, experiences, etc. Even music itself is a topic. Anything can be a topic no matter how obscure it is. Like “have you heard of ‘step on a crack, break your mother’s back’, have you ever been told other superstitions like that? etc.
I think the most important thing is not being afraid to try to talk. I know the experience of trying desperately to get friends as well as socialize with people without that layer of showing insecurity.
I generally don’t recommend sharing secrets or anything of the sort too early on. It’s honestly not the best thing to do. Trust me on this.
Just smile more during conversations.
Books and wikihow really wont help much, trust me on this. You really have to try to talk to people even if you know it might be a bit awkward. The same people, not like different people everyday.
It can be the people who sit next to you so it’ll build the bonds between you and them.
I am not much good in it, but how people write here – practice, practice, practice.