i just broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago. before him and i got together, i have always been someone to help with problems and help other people with mental health, panic attacks and anxiety issues. i enjoy helping others. that’s who i am.
once i (19F) got with my (20M) boyfriend, i would help him with his anxiety attacks that he would get frequently. i would help him with his anger issues. over time, it became too much. he never managed his own emotions, i was doing it for him. i even gave him tools to start managing those emotions. i wrote him a journal with prompts and wrote pages on how to prevent or self sooth anxiety attacks. he never used those tools. i was basically being his therapist. at that point, i got him into therapy. he didn’t go to his first group meeting for therapy. i was still being his therapist. he was crying every day and he would freak out over small things (which i understand that not accomplishing small things can be your last straw on a bad day) but he was freaking out over the way someone else parked, him dropping something, etc. he told me how much he wanted to change and he would change for a few days and then go right back.
i don’t know if he took away that part of me that cares for others because i eventually got annoyed with those things, it was draining.
TL;DR
i am an empath and i was being a therapist to my ex and it made me annoyed, has my empathy been shot down?
3 comments
You can’t lose your empathy (permanently)
Give it some time. Either it will come back or the universe is telling you to choose a different career path while you’re still young enough to change it.
He didn’t ruin you, you just learned that it’s a lot easier to date somebody who’s in a healthy emotional state than somebody who’s not. You can’t take on that level of work for a partner (or anyone) – it’s just not sustainable. It’s good to have limits to what you will do for others, and it seems like you found yours.
Its one thing to help “others” and a totally different thing to live with somebody whom you must constantly provide help.
Simply date healthy and stable men and save your mental health helping for your clients.