Straight/male/30’s dating other women in their 30’s in a big city.
When I match with a date on tinder and we end up planning a date, I almost always offer to go over to their neighborhood or to meet up somewhere halfway because I feel like it’s polite – I’m asking them out, so I should make it convenient for them. And then on my dates we always get along fine, sometimes even really well with lots of laughter/conversation and more than one round of drinks – but then nothing happens at the end of the evening. I very much struggle with suggesting to go back to their place – I feel presumptive and pushy inviting myself over. And my dates rarely invite me back to their place on their own volition (it happens now and then, but it’s very rare compared to most people I know on apps like Tinder). We usually end up having an awkward hug or maybe a small kiss goodbye and that’s that.
A few weeks ago I met up with a woman who sort of insisted she could come to my area. So I picked a bar close to my house, had a very typical good time, and found myself more than comfortable at the end of the evening suggesting we have another drink at my place as it was so close by. She said yes! And we had a great evening spending the night. I was REALLY struck by how much easier it felt doing this whole “hey, let’s go back to \[someone’s\] place” when that place was my place.
So my question is: If I were to do this more often, is it off putting to women? If a man suggests a restaurant or bar near \*their\* house, do you think “ew” or “rude” or get the ick factor? I can see how it would be viewed as maybe a little selfish or at best, kind of thoughtless. So I struggle with it because I do try to be a thoughtful and attentive date so it feels a bit out of character. Am I overthinking it? How important is location on a date? Let’s say all of my dates are within 2-3 miles of me, generally.
3 comments
If man asks me to go to his part of town then I assume he doesn’t care about how convenient is for me or even my safety (night dates such as dinner), because i have to go all the way to him and then comeback. I would also assume he chooses his part of town near his house because he wants to be convenient for him to ask me to come over (as you mentioned).
Since I don’t engage in hook-up culture and definitely don’t go a mans house in beggining stages of dating. Going to his house is already when a relationship has been talked about.
Your comment confirms my original idea that the location near his place his for hook-up convenience, which I’m not interested.
It’s very rare nowadays finding a man who suggests meeting at my area (that i know well and feel safe) they all suggest a park, a café, a concert hall in this location. When i ask if they live near the suggested place they’re like “yeah around 10 minutes walking”.
10 minutes walking for them and at least 1 hour of bus/metro . I won’t even mention the uber rates.
I’m fine with half-way, though.
I think you should stick to offering to meet half way in more dates. I think that’s fair to both parties.
Is a first date hook up that important to you? Lots of girls will pre-qualify a guy by how he is on the first date. Go to where they are first date. It’s polite.