Last fall, I (22M) moved from the US to the capital of a small European country for a Master’s degree at a small conservatory. About a month after moving, I met a girl from that country (21F) at a conservatory social event after she noticed how good my pronunciation of the local language was. We became friends pretty quickly and ran into each other a lot, but we only got to spend one evening together and it was with someone else — I didn’t have feelings for her or anything, especially because my mind was elsewhere and I generally had a bad time that year.
I did notice that, for example, she messaged me on my birthday and gave me a lot of compliments (e.g. calling me beautiful and smart). On the rare occasions that I posted selfies on IG or sent them to her (in a totally non-romantic context), she always liked or love reacted them. She also tried to help me out when I got involved in a tricky travel situation elsewhere in that country and messaged me to make sure that I got home safely. I had to move to a nearby country after that year, so we exchanged some emotional parting messages, just as friends, and planned to meet again after the summer. I didn’t think much of any of this, especially because she’s a really warm and extroverted person and acted like this around other people too.
Once I moved, I stopped having so many bad experiences and my mind cleared. I met her again a few months ago and had a wonderful time – since then, I’ve been visiting her country regularly, as I’m still involved in projects there.
When I met her that first time after the summer, I was astonished by what a sweet person she was and how much she cared about me. I’ve been through some bad experiences in my life, and she encouraged me to let everything out and made me feel really appreciated. I think the feeling was mutual, because when I had to return to the other country later that day, she gave me two amazing hugs.
Since then, we’ve gotten closer and closer, and I’ve started to get the idea that she might love me (I certainly love her very much). The hugs have only gotten more frequent, she blushes and gives me puppy-dog eyes when I make a compliment or bring a small gift, and she love reacts everything when I message her about how much I miss her and how special it is to spend time with her. She’s really busy at the moment (and still makes time for me), but she says she wishes we could spend more time together. I’ve also gently and briefly put my arm around her one or two times before, and she didn’t seem to feel uncomfortable at all.
I’m thinking of telling her my feelings next time I visit (in another two or three weeks). Everything she’s said and done seems like a clear signal, and things have gone really naturally so far, but I just want to make sure I’m not completely misinterpreting anything. I grew up with a controlling and emotionally abusive parent, so I was never allowed to be close to anyone – it feels almost unreal that the attraction could be mutual. From what I described, would it feel right if you were in her situation?
1 comment
I think you should be as simple as to just ask her on a date
Specifically say ‘would you like to go to x, or do y together, like a date’ – some combination of words that includes the word ‘date’ so that she understands clearly that the intention isn’t to just hang out as friends. Equally, if she was to say no then you spare yourself the event of dumping your feelings on her (though it sounds very much that she likes you)
Then maybe if there really is romantic chemistry on the date you can begin to peel back the layers and tell her how you feel/what you thought of her when you first saw her/compliment her