My (28f) bf (27m) of 6 months just dropped something on me that seemed like a Freudian slip.
I posted on here yesterday because it seems like he is not putting in any effort into our conversation. If I put in the same amount of effort that he did, our conversations would be nothing more than “ye, bruh, oof, nice, etc.”
He does not volunteer any information most of the time. He does not tell me about his day or his life unless I ask. Sometimes I don’t know he has major plans until the day of.
We are long distance and only speak on the phone 1-2, 4 if I’m lucky, times per month, despite me telling him I can’t live off of texts.
Tonight I told him I thought he was good at socializing with other people, and he said, “it depends on how much I give a fuck about the situation.”
How do I not take this personally and how do I confront my bf about this?
TLDR: boyfriend made a Freudian slip and said he only puts effort into socializing in situations he “gives a fuck about” while simultaneously putting zero effort into socializing with me.
27 comments
This just sounds like a lousy relationship. You’re unhappy yet you still participate in it. Look at whether or not you’re in this relationship for the *right reasons* and you’ll quickly realize this isn’t a relationship you want.
This doesn’t seem directed at you. Seems like it’s easy to get in trouble with you so that can make a guy shut down.
I imagine he would say that your relationship is considerably more than ‘socializing’.
Different people have different views of what relationships are for.
For some couples, it’s you-and-me-against-the-world. They are effortlessly outward-looking. They resolve internal conflicts quickly, because such conflicts distract them from what they consider to be the main task. If he’s doing what he’s supposed to be doing, and she’s doing what she’s supposed to be doing, all is well, and they don’t have much that needs to be discussed.
Other couples are inward-looking. They thrive on whatever drama they can stir up between themselves. They live for the stories that they create for themselves about themselves.
My quick take, as an outsider, is that the two of you differ in this kind of way.
This is a LDR and you are lucky if you get phone time 4 times a month?? A LDR is not very sustainable with such little contact; even worse that the texts consists of one worded grunts from him? I say this from experience, but eventually you are going to get sick of this and drop him the moment some one either LDR or otherwise who gives you the time of day shows an interest in you. Or you could decide to just end it now. Up to you.
Here is what I would do. Quit being a passenger in his life story. You are the main character. Text this: “The other day you made a comment that you only put effort in socialising when you give a fuck. From what I see you don’t put much effort in your communication and social life with me. So do you actually give a fuck about me? Put more effort into our relationship.”
This sounds like a bad relationship for sure, him not talking to you over the phone more even if you wanted him to is kinda weird
I’m in a LDR and my girl gets talk the phone time for multiple hours every day unless I’m out for something for the day/night. If I’m doing nothing at home we’re basically on the phone or FaceTiming most the day
It seems like he’s not putting in much effort. If it’s important for you to have a good connection with your partner, and you don’t, because he’s not much of a communicator, that’s a major incompatibility.
You don’t need to settle for the first guy who’s not obviously awful but the relationship is lukewarm at best.
you said “other people” though so to him that doesn’t include you.
Op, Is this your BF?
https://youtu.be/TaQ-fKzSNqA
it’s not a Freudian slip he’s just not that into you
You’re not in a long distance relationship.
You’re pen pals.
Start dating other people and you’ll find someone that makes you forget about him between calls.
I’ve been in this situation before when my ex-boyfriend was at uni, if you aren’t happy with the relationship as it is do not try to change him into it, if he thinks 3-4 calls a week is too much you won’t get those 3-4 calls a week. it hurts like hell but if you aren’t getting what you need you should leave, there will be someone who wants to give you that time, even if it is another ldr. i don’t know the whole situation, but it doesn’t sound like your happy, and you should have to put that much work in to fix it
He does not give a single shit about you. Been knew girl, come on. Stop begging for crumbs.
Pull the plug. You deverve better.
What else is here to do? Thank the slip and move on. You could’ve done that anyways since your relationship isn’t fulfilling to you but now you have a reason to feel justified if you care about those things.
Congrats! And I hope you meet someone better soon
Yes he did tell on himself, but he was already telling you the same thing through his actions way before. One thing I’ve learned in life is if a man wants to treat you right, he will. I dated a guy who held a convo very similarly to your situation and it felt like I had to beg to be seen and it took me almost 2 years to realize it wasn’t gonna change. Now I’m with someone who makes sure I know that I’m more than just seen but understood. It can get better but sometimes we have to be the ones to make it better by getting out
if you stopped texting him, will he notice?
Can you be honest here – has he always been like this?
End it. You deserve better
Doesn’t really sound like you have a relationship long distance or otherwise!
You are not in a long distance relationship, you’re not in a relationship at all with him. He is not your bf and he’s not even trying to hide that he doesn’t want you to be in his life. Just block him and move on, I’m not even sure he’ll notice but you deserve better than this. And it’s not hard to get.
I’m in a long distance relationship and I’m here to say IMO you need to break up with this person.
A successful ldr usually involves daily video calls, it sounds like what you have is a sexy friendship at best
How is this a relationship? even LDR have more communication then this? Someone commented pen pals and I don’t even think that accurate. Stop texting him first. And I bet you won’t talk to him for weeks!
Nothing Freudian about that. He’s telling you that you’re not that important.
I guarantee if you stopped texting him, you’d never speak again. You should absolutely take it personally cause he just told you straight up why he doesn’t converse with you. He does not give a fuck. Take him for his word.