So I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet. Basically my ex, let’s call him Zac, we dated for a while and he broke up with me because he needed to “work on himself.” Told me he moved on and everything. Fast forward months later, he wants to try things again. He really is the perfect man. Kind, has a career going for him, cares about my dog, my friends love him.
When he told me he moved on, I met this other guy, let’s call him Jax. He is such a beautiful, kind soul. I have really enjoyed getting to know him and want to continue to. Obviously I haven’t known him as long as Zac, but I feel our souls are so closely intertwined. I can’t explain it. He is different from anyone I’ve ever met. He makes me very happy. I think I would heartbroken if I had to stop talking to him.
I have been fully transparent about the current situation to them both. I know I need to make a decision soon. I really don’t want to hurt either and I care deeply for them both. What makes it difficult is my friends (they haven’t met Jax, only Zac) want me to be with Zac because he’s so good to me/for me. But I feel like if they knew Jax they would feel differently. I really have no idea what to do.
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I feel like I would be an idiot to give up Zac, but I feel like I would always regret it if I didn’t give Jax a chance.
The first guy bailed on you. He’s not perfect, and your guys’s relationship is over.
Why give up something potentially really good for someone who’s already proven they can’t be relied upon?
You gave Zac space, now it’s time for him to give you yours. Tell him that. Do not use Zac as a backup but hold true to the breakup you went through. Sure there’s a possibility that you could date again someday but that was always true. Just because Zac decided he wants to date you suddenly does not mean you have a duty to fall into his arms. Resist the temptation of returning to an ex. It is not easier.
Keep dating Jax with a pure heart because you have one for him. There’s no waiting game and you clearly have a connection. Pursue it and do not let your friends’ bias sway you. Apologize to Jax for being undecided and let him know your feelings for an ex got to you but you know you want to pursue him entirely.
One thing I have learned is never ever go back to someone who left you once. He didn’t want to “work on himself”. He wanted to fuck around and now he’s ready to settle. The right man would realize your value the first time and would want to work on themselves WITH you. They’d be too scared to lose you in their lives in the first place. He’s already shown you he is unreliable.
It’s your choice in the end, but Jax sounds like a gem. It’s a no brainer. Choose the man who also chose you first. Don’t let a boyfriend stop you from finding your husband.
I believe that if something is meant to be, it will happen. I think it’s a good idea to go with the new guy Jax so you can have a different experience and have something to compare to your prior experience with Zac.
Tell Zac that you are not ready to be with him yet. Tell him that while you care deeply for him, you’re inclined to give the new guy a shot because you want to gain new experience.
I’d go with Jax. Zac left you before because he didn’t want to be tied down to you and wanted to have fun with other people.. he didn’t value you as much as you did him. Jax hasn’t let you down yet. Choose the man who chose you, not the one who put you on the shelf for a while.
Regarding Zac: “He really is the perfect man.”
Except for the fact that he moved on after declaring himself unfit to be in a relationship….and probably worked on himself by fucking other people.
Don’t be blind. Give Jax your attention and a chance, and put Zac behind you and treat him as he is, not how he made you feel, and not your idealized version of him. Fuck your friends too, they are not the arbiter of what’s good for you, and they’re ignoring that Zac removed himself from your life.
Thank you everyone for your advice