Hey everybody, I’m just making a post on here instead of on some board for lonely people, because I want advice from people who actually are successful in relationships, not from other lonely people.
Now, back to my story. Hi everybody! I’m coming here because I need some relationship advice. I am 20 years old and I have never really been on a date before or been in a relationship. I believe that I haven’t been very successful for 3 or 4 reasons.
A. People gave me bad advice in high school. (I used to watch incel shit as well, which really put me in the wrong direction, because I’m not an incel.)
B. I am a recovering video game addict. Before I turned 18, I used to play video games all the time, every chance I could get, completely ignoring anything else.
C. Covid has prevented me from going outside very much since then.
D. Another big character flaw of mine is that I’m way too honest with people.
Now, as for positive things about me:
– I don’t think I’m really ugly or anything like that, although I used to have body insecurities, I don’t really have any anymore. Here’s [1](https://files.catbox.moe/4t3stm.jpg) and [2](https://files.catbox.moe/44tfm1.jpg) pictures of me if you wanna see what I look like though, and tell me things I can improve on. For reference, I am about 6 feet tall.
– I shower, brush my teeth, and use deodorant and cologne every day.
– I’m an extremely extroverted person and have a very easy time making new friends and talking to new people.
Honestly though, the reason why I’m making this post here is because I really got discouraged from dating from a recent thing that’s happened to me in life, and that’s why I need advice. Long story short, I had a crush on this really hot chick at work (F 18), and I was sort of open about it, but I never really expected her to be interested in me. Anyways, she was, and we ended up flirting basically for an entire night at work instead of actually doing our jobs. That lead to me getting fired, and now she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore because she got in a lot of trouble as well, and now I’m depressed.
If somebody could give me some advice, that would be appreciated. Thanks everybody who gives this a read.
5 comments
You guys were careless and you got the short end of the stick.
She was faced with the decision of an uncertain relationship or financial stability. She picked her financial stability. If you truly like her you should respect her decision. I agree, the situation sucks. But if you like her you should want what’s best for her.
You cannot change the past, accept it. Appreciate the fun times you had with her and move on. You are very young, there will by many other opportunities. You seem to be healthy and well.
Keep your head straight and focus on your future. Be patient, your time will come.
You have so much promise!
>B. I am a recovering video game addict.
This is something a successful person would say. Congratulations on coming to terms with an addiction that wasn’t serving you and getting better: being able to overcome something difficult like that says a lot. It shows people you’re real, down-to-earth, but also capable of change and focused on the right things
Another thing to know is that you’re not alone in feeling alone. In the United States, over a majority of adults (and young people) report feeling lonely, or like they have no real friends. It’s a huge problem in society, so don’t let yourself think it’s just a You problem.
Two pieces of advice:
>I shower, brush my teeth, and use deodorant and cologne every day.
1. This is great because it shows that you take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself, you can take care of someone else, and that’s really attractive. So work to broaden the skills that get you by day-to-day: are you cooking, cleaning, working, able to pay for your lifestyle, saving? Do you have a fulfilling hobby or lifestyle? This is where Mom’s advice comes into play: if you can cover your bases and show that you know how to live well, it will be very attractive to others. Remember these things don’t all come at once; they come with experimenting and practicing new things each day that are a little outside your comfort zone.
2. Get involved in groups, hobbies, volunteering or other organizations outside of your house. Make it something meaningful that you care about; get in the mindset of caring about something outside of yourself. This helps you meet people, get more perspective on who you really are, get connected to better opportunities for your career and life, and even if you don’t meet the woman of your dreams there, women will want to know that you’re a man capable of going out into the world and doing well. It will show them you have purpose and drive (a vision for the future) and that you’re able to make that vision come true for them too.
Overall, you have a great attitude. That reads from your post, and you won’t have problems if you continue on having a good, realistic, forgiving attitude about your struggles and a plan to overcome them. Keep fighting for your own future and people (friends and dates alike) will want to join in.
Your first mistake is Reddit. Go out and socialise, you’ll fuck up badly at first then you will learn to get good and then you will make friends
If you want advice on how to appear more attractive, my advice would be to out some work into how you dress. It doesn’t have to be showing off big brands, simply just know how to style yourself. it can be simple like a t shirt and sweat pants, the important parts are in the details like how it fits, your silhouette, your accessories. For example you look like someone I would approach in your first picture, but the second one makes you look a little nerdy but not the hot kind of nerdy. (Yes your personality is important, I’m just judging solely on your appearance).
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If you were able to flirt with a girl and she reciprocated the flirting, you’re going to do fine. That incident with that girl you like was unfortunate but no matter how smooth you are, very few girls would want to rekindle with someone who costed her her financial stability.
Join interest-based communities. Make a list of your interests and go find communities related to them to join. Attend often and get really involved. Exercise and volunteering communities will also be beneficial.
This will not only give you a pool of potential friends (and partners) and social activities that can last decades, it’ll give you something to *talk* about on your dates.
Then, while I generally discourage online dating, I suggest you do it without getting too hung up on results. You want your profile to be as good as possible, though, because it just doesn’t work without the profile. Keep it short, but not way too short, have lots of potential conversation starters. Then go have some dates. Before/during this process, read up on how dating works. There’s always books out there and the library is a great place to start. Just go for some dates and put your best foot forward so that you no longer have to say “I’ve never been on a date” or have too many nightmare date stories. OLD mostly sucks, but at least it makes crossing this threshold much easier.
That already is about four months of activity.
For style, I dunno… watch queer eye maybe? I just checked the first pic and didn’t see your clothes. The best possible hairstyle always helps. It doesn’t take much to be 10 steps ahead of other guys your age, in this department.