My partner keeps criticizing my butt. This morning it was, “You need to quit exercising. I was watching an old video of you last night, and you had such a big, juicy butt. I was in love with your butt. Now you have no butt. You used to be thick, but you’re getting slim and you lost your butt.”

I’m getting so tired of hearing it. I started an exercise routine (20 minutes a day, 3 days a week) in February because I was tired of customers at work asking me if I was pregnant (I’m not), and I wanted to fit back into my old pants (which now I do). I’m now a size 6.

I don’t know what to do. How do I deal with this? Am I too small?

38 comments

  1. The man likes a big butt. Some do, some don’t. If you are happy with your body, then he has to learn to live with that or go find someone with a phat ass.

  2. That’s a terrible thing for a partner to say. Does he have a history of putting you down like this? It’s not something I’d tolerate in a relationship at ALL. It’s not normal and it’s not okay.

  4. Might be passive way to get you to stop going to the gym or improving yourself/gaining confidence. Shitty behavior

  5. Sounds like negging! He’s insecure about you getting more “attractive” and therefore is trying to bring you down and make sure your self esteem is low enough to keep dating him. This is a manipulation tactic.

    This man doesn’t care about you.

  7. That’s an awful thing to say. If you are trying to make yourself feel more comfortable in your own skin and be more healthy he should be supportive of you. Don’t let him talk to you like that. That is horrible. I wouldn’t put up with that at all. You are not too small. If you are happy at the size you are that’s the important thing

  8. You don’t know what to do? it’s called dump him. No man who respects his woman would say shit like this

  10. A caring partner would be *much* more gentle with their comments if they indeed prefer the way their partner looked before. It’s okay to make comments as long as they’re respectful, but if he had any manners he would have said something like he’s attracted to you no matter what you look like, even if he prefers xyz.

    I don’t know. Just sounds like shitty behavior on his part, especially since it seems like just saying it once wasn’t enough. You can talk about looks in a relationship, but it’s gotta be more respectful than this.

    Also, good on you for picking up a healthy exercise routine. You do what feels good for you and if he has a problem with it, he can go find a “juicy butt” somewhere else if looks are all that matter to him.

  11. That’s terrible of them to say that… I’d run. I’ve been a similar scenario years ago. Run RUN!!! They are the problem.

  12. Partners come and go, but your healthy body will serve you better long term. This is a silly thing to discourage someone from exercising just to boost your (dying?) libido. Single usage mentality is no good for a partnership.

  13. Answer him “I was in love with your personality. Now you have no personality” and break up with him

  14. That’s manipulative and he doesn’t deserve you.

    But also what’s your routine?? Because I need one 👀

  15. What kind of excersise do you do in 3x20minutes a week that makes you this fit? I need that in my life! Haha but on topic: he should support you in taking charge of your life and your health. You’re not his sex doll that’s customisable. Sure my man doesn’t like it when I get too thin (I’m very avarage so I don’t have the ‘risk’ of losing that kind of weight lol) but that’s more health related. If he’s not attracted to you because your butt is less juicy then that’s not a sustainable relationship in the long term in my opinion.

  20. If you’d stopped eating, began exercising a lot and became super thin and he showed some concern and said he was worried about you- I would absolutely understand. However, it doesn’t sound like this so there is no excuse for putting you down like that. Maybe he’s worried you’ll start feeling confident and leave? Which sounds ridiculous but seems to be quite a common thing

  21. Your partner should be encouraging you, not insulting you. If he doesn’t appreciate it, I know someone else will. Chin up darlin.

  22. Congrats on committing to your health! That’s a big deal and deserves praise. My thought is that he is worried you will expect him to start exercising and he is insecure. Keep going! Health and self confidence are so important and fitness is vital for that

  27. Seems like the most effective way you could lose weight would be to drop his sorry ass.

  28. Sounds to me he may be getting insecure about his body! He sees that you’re getting fitter and harder body and his may be getting sloppy or you have more Sexual Energy now than you did before and he’s having a hard time keeping up! Either way good luck

  29. You’re not too small. Congratulations for getting in shape!

    Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, it could just be that he likes big butts. It could even be that he thinks you’re stressing out too much about your weight or size and wants you to be kind to yourself.

    But since these sorts of comments are hurtful, you need to tell him this. It’s highly likely that he’ll understand that it’s hurtful after you explain it. One formula you can use is “When you say …, I feel…”. And if he gets defensive or doubles down, then you can take this information into consideration in deciding whether or not he would be a good partner long-term.

  31. How do you deal with this? You tell him his comments are not appreciated and to stop making them. AKA, you tell him to shut his gob.

    You are doing what you needed for you and that’s fine.

  32. I Was Supportive Of Your Decision To Exercise Until You Mentioned The Reason Of Why You’re Doing It.

    Some Other Group Of People Come And Say Something About Your Body That You Don’t Like, Will You Change It Or Complain About It Like You’re About Your Boyfriend’s Comments?

  33. Tell him if he doesn’t like it then he knows where to go and watch his mood change!!!

  34. You’re looking too good and he’s jealous that other guys are looking at you with approval

  36. His complaint is coming from a very immature place. He needs to grow tf up. You don’t need to conform to anyone’s conceptions of your attractiveness as long as you maintain your health and fitness and that’s simple self respect. If he doesn’t find you acceptable I’m sure you can find someone who will. Completely BS attitude on his part. Red flag mindset. Tell him to love it or leave it. You don’t need that kind of baby man judgement in your life.

  37. Quite honestly, I would ditch the man. Nobody should be treating you like a sex toy, let alone someone who supposedly loves you.

  38. Tell him stop demeaning me or YOU won’t have ANY BUTT AT ALL because you’ll be able to watch it for the last time as I walk my ass out the door.

    Everything you said after the first paragraph is meaningless because you feel like you have to justify his comments or explain… NOPE!!

    I was tempted to say you should tell him you wish he would find a way to grow his cock so you could actually feel something during sex, but that feeds into the dumb stereotype that girls chase after mister big cock and for the most part that’s not even true. So I won’t

    There are plenty of things you could come up with to hurt him back, but I wouldn’t even recommend that. Tit-for-tat never ends well.

    First, stop even worrying that he may be right!! Fvck him!! Continue to do your workouts and be the best version of you that makes you happy. Personally, if a partner started saying things like that to me, he would be EX partner pretty effing fast. I’d tell him – now you can jack off to the image of how you used to like my butt. Byeeeeeeeeee

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