My social anxiety has gotten pretty bad to the point where when someone’s talking to me all I can do is wonder how they’re perceiving me. I’ve always been a bit shy, but lately the obsessive thinking of what others are thinking of me is taking over my brain, and getting in the way of living a peaceful life.
I’m not really a socially awkward person naturally. Like I’ll know what to say and what not to say. I just refrain from talking most of the time because I get nervous if someone’s paying too much attention to me. Like I’ll be timid and get uncomfortable. This is mainly in the workplace, group settings, and people I feel I need to impress. I’m social and funny when I’m with my family and close friends.
How have you learned to overcome self doubt and become confident? I’m 31 years old, and it’s still a constant struggle 🙁
8 comments
You realize everyone is dumb. And they aren’t thinking about you. They are thinking about their own dumb selves. And their own dumb problems. And if you have to talk to any of them, and you feel awkward and you don’t know what to say- just ask them questions about themselves. Try to get them to talk about something they are passionate about. Rocks, world of Warcraft, baking scones, whatever. They will just talk and talk and you just stand there nodding, making eye contact, smiling and ask a few questions and when you leave, thank them for the excellent chat. You will look great. It’s all very dumb and none of it matters. We will all be dead in 100 years, none of this matters really.
It’s hard not to care what other people think… and it involves a lot of practice on your part, not to mention, therapy is needed to help you get through this… i believe you need to work on yourself… love yourself more until you don’t care what other people think. You will also learn to be confident with this… Additionally, sometimes a person’s behavior and perceptions are more about them than you… it could also be related to their own past experiences and trauma.. it took me awhile to learn this. i myself am still struggling. Some days are just better than others.
Well, do THEY care what YOU think? (We know they don’t!)
So that’s a starting point for changing your mindset.
Remind yourself that you should only care about the opinions of people whom you genuinely care about. And your bosses at work if you have them.
Other than that, just be polite as needed.
I will also add that if you know someone a short time, their opinions matter less. People come and go. The ones that stay with you matter.
Remember every bad thing others did to you
This is going to sound weird. Do something that reveals a persons inner experience. Read Reddit posts of anonymous confessions of random people. Once you do you’ll realize everyone feels insecure. Some hide it better than others. But the people who don’t care are the ones who care to use social standards to their advantage and not let it deter them from success in life.
It seems like there’s a magic formula for this but there’s not. It’s just practice and learning to normalize your anxious feelings till they aren’t as amplified. Surround yourself with people who bring stability to your life and establish a routine that will help you stay grounded. Eventually it gets better. It took me around 5 years to get my anxiety under check. Now I don’t have that many anxious thoughts nowadays.
We all just big little kids